Brick: Mom, Dad, I'd like you to listen to my top 100 slogans for the Orsontennial.
Mike: What's the first one? That's my favorite.
Frankie: What's this for, anyway?
Brick: It's a contest sponsored by the city. The winner gets to ride in the parade on an old-timey fire truck, and the best part is, your motto becomes the town's motto for the next 100 years. [clears throat] "Orson: 100 years of fun." "Orson: you don't look a day over 99." "Orson: all-new people every 100 years." [doorbell rings]
Axl: I got it!
Brick: "Orson: 100 years of moderate progress."

Announcer: [v.o.] And here comes an original Orson fire truck from 1927. And riding atop, that's our Orson motto contest winner, Kristen Rice.
Audience: [chant] "Orson: why not?" "Orson: why not?"
Brick: People, please. Don't you see what's happening? This is the dumbing down of America. We have to live with this motto for the next 100 years. What will future generations think? Do we really want this motto? Is this the legacy we want to leave our children?
Football Player: Free t-shirts!
Brick: Oh, sure, grab them up just 'cause they're free. Just 'cause it's on a t-shirt doesn't make it right! [catches a T-shirt] Shoot, I'm a sucker for a good font. Curse you, Sans Serif. [whispers] Sans Serif.

Brick: Mom, I don't blame you for not liking my previous mottos. [Sean and Darrin remove the chairs from around the table] They weren't personal, and they lacked historical context. [Axl tips Brick off his chair] Hey! So, to that end, I went to the library and did a little research. Now, did you know that in the early 1800s...
Frankie: Yeah, skip ahead, Brick.
Brick: Oh, okay. Uh, well, then, in the early 1900s, a down-on-his-luck miner named Merwin James Orson found an emerald while digging on his property. Word spread quickly, and people came from miles around to find their fortune, but turns out there was none, and it was a lawless community for years. Prostitution was rampant, but eventually, it became the town we know and love today. So, what do you think about this? "Orson: the heartland's hidden gem."
Frankie: Wow, Brick. That's actually good.
Brick: I know, right? I think I nailed it. It's melodious. It's got alliteration with the nod to history. Old-timey fire truck, here I come. Most importantly, I think it'll put me in certain literary circles.

Mr. Ehlert: Come on down to Ehlert's Motors! We'll make you a deal! And remember, you don't have to plug our cars in to your house. Our cars run on good, old-fashioned American gas, not foreign electricity.

Mike: [answers phone] Hello. What? Oh, hang on. Sue. Did you sign up for the Orson Float Committee?
Sue: No. Are they looking for people? Ooh! I'll do it! I'll do it! I'll do it! I can totally do it. Please, please, please, please, please! I can be on it!
Mike: Wait, what? Okay. It's not for you.
Sue: Wh- I didn't make it? Is there an alternate squad? Is there a waiting list? Ooh, is there a Clean-Up Committee? 'Cause I have Clean-Up-Committee experience, you know?

Nancy: Now, I'd like to start by announcing the official name of the parade. It's "Ehlert Motors Presents The Orsontennial, Sponsored By Ehlert Motors." Mr. Ehlert, would you like to say a few words?
Mr. Ehlert: This is a buying opportunity, folks. Remember, for the week of the centennial, Ehlert Motors is rolling back prices to 1913... plus 25 grand.
Nancy: Wonderful.

Mr. Ehlert: So, we got over 70 entries for the motto contest. No, I'm sorry, seven. We got over seven entries. But when we saw this one, it's clear that a lot of thought went into this. The winner of the motto contest is... [Brick stands up] "Orson: why not?"
Brick: What?!

Brad: There's Darrin. Let's do it.
Sue: Are you sure? In front of everybody?
Brad: Trust me. Nothing makes a man more jealous.
[Brad and Sue turn toward each other and look into each other's eyes]
Brad: [sings] Summer lovin', had me a blast
Sue: [sings] Summer lovin', happened so fast
Brad: Met a girl crazy for me
Sue: Met a boy cute as can be
Both: [sing] Summer days drifting away To, uh, oh, those summer nights Oh, well-uh, well-uh, well-uh...
Sean: Yeah, okay, we got to get them out of here.

Axl: Okay, guys, been giving this a lot of thought. There's no telling when Orson's gonna have another centennial, so how's Boss Co. gonna make some cash off this thing?
Darrin: Hey, we could be those guys that put all the cones out for traffic and stuff.
Sean: Yeah, I think the city does that.
Darrin: We could pick up the garbage.
Sean: The city does that, too.
Darrin: Man, the city is screwing us.

Nancy: Now, we need to make our 100th a big success, and I've got an exciting surprise which should really kick things up a notch. We got Ron Cougar Mellencamp! [audience cheer] Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Ron Cougar Mellencamp, Indiana's number-four John Cougar Mellencamp impersonator, according to Yelp. [smattering of applause] Okay. Everyone knows their assignments. Let's break up into our subcommittees.