Brick: [v.o.] [imitating Rod Serling] Under the light of a full moon, a midwest housewife undergoes a frightening transformation, and the monster becomes the monstee. Or are we all just one egg away from being a Glossner?

Sue: Whoo! What a game. I mean match. I learned that one halfway through. I have to replace my electrolytes. You are looking at the newest member of the Orson High tennis team.
Frankie: You made the tennis team?
Sue: Well, I didn't "make it," per se. The coach thought I was on the team. I tried to tell him that I wasn't, but then he realized that he didn't have enough players, so without me, they would have lost the match.
Mike: So you won?
Sue: Oh, God, no. On the last point, I hit what my coach called a "very weak lob," and my opponent hit what he called a "blistering overhead smash."
Frankie: Is that how you hurt your face?
Sue: No. A bird flew in the bus window on the way home. I never saw it coming. Beaks are sharp.

Mike: How could we forget Mother's Day again? I count on you guys to remember this stuff.
Axl: How was I supposed to know it's even on a Sunday this year? I'm not a calendar.

Mike: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Frankie, why we getting HBO? You didn't upgrade our cable, did you?
Frankie: Yeah, I did it when I was having the Bentley detailed.
Mike: Let's see what else we're getting. [sexy music plays] Hey-o. Yeah. We're getting all the channels.
Frankie: Well, I don't know why. I certainly didn't order them.
Mike: I wonder if we're getting... No way.
Frankie: What? What?
Mike: We're getting NBA League Pass.
Frankie: Ooh. I wonder if we get Hallmark Movies and Mysteries.
Mike: That will remain a mystery 'cause I'm not changing the channel. It might go away.

Frankie: Okay, Mom, I know! Our generation just sucks, because we cancel appointments, and we don't organize our cans, and we're loosey-goosey with money, but before you criticize me, why don't you take a look at yourself 'cause paper towels aren't better than washcloths and round saltines aren't better than square. 7%... not a good tip. And your stories start way too early. If somebody asks you a question, they don't want you to start at your birth! [Pat cries]
Mike: Good thing your dad didn't come down. He might've yelled at her.

Brick: Aw, man. I got to go put on another pot. It's gonna be a long night.
Mike: Brick, you don't work for the pretzel company. They're not counting on your ideas. Turn off the light and go to bed.
Brick: You just don't get it, Dad. You don't have a creative job.
Mike: You don't, either!
Brick: Look, I'm gonna get a call from Corporate in St. Paul, Minnesota, and I've got to deliver. You only get one shot in this game, and if I blow it, it's gonna kill me with the candy-bar people, the cereal people, the popcorn people...
Mike: Brick, I need to sleep. I got to work tomorrow.
Brick: God, I envy how mindless your job is.

Axl: Dude, I mean it. It got to focus. My poli-sci final is the last of the time slots. It's Friday at 3:00.
Hutch: Oh, man, that's cold. Hey, since when have you cared about finals?
Axl: Since it's the final final of my entire school career. After this, I am never taking a test again. Except those Internet quizzes to find out which Power Ranger I am. So I want to go out strong. So I've been studying like I've never studied before. 'Cause I have never studied before.
Hutch: No, you have not.
Axl: I had no idea there were all these great ways to remember stuff. You know, highlighting, study groups, reading the material. I just really want to do well. It's a matter of pride, so could you maybe, I don't know, just show a little respect?