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‘Swing and a Miss’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

The Middle: Swing and a Miss

816. Swing and a Miss

Aired March 7, 2017

When Lexie spends Spring Break at the Heck house, she confesses to Sue that she has a crush on Axl. After Nancy Donahue tells Frankie she must be so proud, Frankie tries to figure out what on earth she's supposed to be proud of. Meanwhile, Mike drafts Coach Babbitt as a ringer to strengthen the quarry's softball team.

Quote from Frankie

Brick: Well, thank you for showing up. I-I'd better get over to the dessert table. I grabbed some loose cookies from your nightstand. They're in my backpack.
Frankie: Actually, Brick, I took care of that.
Brick: Wow. Why would Nancy Donahue do a whole table dedicated just to me?
Frankie: Nancy didn't do it. I did it.
Brick: How did you find a store that had cupcakes with my name on them?
Frankie: These aren't from the store. I made them. I did it all this myself. I was up till 4:00 a.m. baking, cutting out decorations, blowing up the balloons, making your favorite lime-green JELL-O salad.
Brick: Oh, my God. It isn't even Thanksgiving.
Frankie: Brick, I just want you to know, we could not be more proud of you. And this is proof, 'cause I hate doing this. I mean, it's easy to do things you like for people, but doing something you hate... that's love.
Brick: Thanks, Mom. I love you, too.

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Quote from Lexie

Lexie: So, uh, is he still dating April?
Sue: Ugh. I don't know what's going on with them. They got married, then divorced, now they're dating. It's weird.
Lexie: Huh. So, are they, like, exclusive?
Sue: [scoffs] God, Lexie, you sound like my friends in high school who used to like... [gasps]
Lexie: Don't make me say it.
Sue: Don't say it.
Lexie: I don't want to say it.
Sue: Don't say it.
Lexie: I like Axl.
Sue: No, you said it! [crying]

Quote from Brick

Frankie: Brick, hello? I ask you if we have anything to be proud of, and you're talking to me about acing some stupid geometry test? You made National Honor Society!
Brick: Oh. Right.
Frankie: W-Why didn't you tell me?
Brick: I don't know. I didn't think it was that big a deal. Plus, every time there's an event at school, you and Dad roll your eyes. Then if you do come, you show up late. You always complain about having to bring a dessert, even though we usually just stop by on the way and grab some store-bought cookies. You sit on the end of the row, so that way you can leave early, and...
Frankie: Okay, okay, okay. I get it.

Quote from Lexie

Sue: Okay, Lexie and I are all packed and we're heading back to school. I feel bad, though. I think we Hecked up Lexie.
Lexie: [coughing] [congestedly] Thank you again for letting me stay here. It was a super-fun week...
five stars on Trip Advisor!
Frankie: Aww, well, it was great having you, Lexie. Come anytime. Our house is your house... or at least a much smaller version.
Lexie: [sneezes] Oh, is... is Axl around? I wanted to say goodbye.
Brick: No, he left. He said Spring Break '17 will go down as the most pathetic in history and he was ashamed to be a part of it.
Lexie: Um, my throat's closing up, so I'd better go. [coughing]

Quote from Axl

Axl: Something to be proud of? Let's see... the miracle that this evolved from the hillbilly water slide that is you and Dad's DNA.

Quote from Sue

Sue: Oh, my God, Lexie. I am so sorry. I grabbed you the extra pillow from the bottom of the closet. Doris must've been sleeping on it.
Lexie: Does she have fleas?
Darrin: Oh, no. I don't think so... not anymore. It's probably just our detergent. It's really cheap. You have to get used to it.
Lexie: Or it could be the sheets. What's the thread count?
Sue: What's that?
Lexie: You know, the number of threads woven together in the fabric.
Sue: I have no idea what you're talking about. What's better... higher or lower?
Lexie: Higher.
Sue: Then they're lower.

Quote from Brick

Ms. Prescott: Our next student is Brick Heck. [applause]
Brick: Mom, is that you?
Frankie: Uh, y-yeah.
Brick: I thought I recognized your annoying clap. [over the microphone] What are you doing here? What happened to Finian's Rainbow with Grandma?
Frankie: She got her friend Sparkle to go with her.
Brick: Hey, everybody, my mom and dad are here. [takes photo] They never usually come to stuff.
Frankie: W-We come to stuff. W-We both work.

Quote from Lexie

Frankie: [v.o.] Travel... a rare opportunity to visit other cultures and see how they live.
Sue: We're here. Welcome to Casa Heck.
Lexie: It's so cute!
Frankie: Well, a few other words come to mind, but I'll take "cute" any day. We're so happy to have you here for spring break, Lexie.
Lexie: Thanks, Mrs. Heck. Oh, my God. I love how the kitchen is right near the entry. It's so convenient. At our house, the kitchen is so far away. It's a hike. To get there, you have to go through two hallways, the family room, and the great room.
Mike: Well, you don't have to worry about that here. None of the rooms are great.

Quote from Lexie

Lexie: Well, I love it. It's just so homey. And as a thank-you for letting me stay in your super-cute home, I got you this.
Frankie: Oh, look at this bag. Is this the gift? Can I keep this? [chuckles] Holy crap. This is beautiful.
Lexie: It's for your fine candies.
Frankie: Oh. Well, around here, the candy usually goes right from the bag to my mouth. Hey, Brick, go find a place for this where it'll look nice.
Brick: The Donahues'?
Sue: Come on, Lexie. I'll give you the tour.
Mike: I think it looked best in the bag.
Frankie: Yeah.

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: Hey, do we have anything to be proud of?
Mike: No, not that I can think of.
Frankie: That's what I thought, but Nancy Donahue drove up while I was getting the mail and kept going on and on about how proud I should be, and I had no idea what she was talking about.
Mike: Why didn't you just ask her?
Frankie: I couldn't. I had already told her I was so proud. I couldn't go back on it after I'd already agreed with her. I'd look stupid.
Mike: You know, historically, looking stupid hasn't always been a deterrent for you.
Frankie: [sighs] The nerve of her, asking me if I'm proud. She knows darn well we don't have anything to be proud of. [gasps] That's it. She's proud-baiting me. She's got something she's proud of and she's just trying to get me to ask her about it.
Mike: I've helped as much as I can here.

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