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‘The Lanai’ Quotes Page 1 of 3    

The Middle: The Lanai

721. The Lanai

Aired April 27, 2016

Frankie is excited to lay out on her brand new patio, but her peace is quickly broken by the screaming kids next door. Brick wonders whether Mike's co-workers helped build the lanai because they're his friends or because he's their boss. Meanwhile, Sue and Lexie await the results of the dorm room lottery, while Axl and Hutch turn the Winnebago into a grilled cheese food truck with Kenny as their chef.

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: [v.o.] Out here in the middle, the winters can be brutal, so we really appreciate that first warm day of spring.
Frankie: Is it done? Can I use it? Can I use it? I can't wait to use it.
Mike: Hold your horses.
Frankie: Oh, my God, guys! It looks great! Oh, I have always hated that old rotting wood since the day we moved in here. I've been carrying around that Sunset magazine for 22 years with the picture of what I wanted, and now I finally have my lanai!
Dave: What's a lanai?
Mike: It's a patio. She calls it a lanai... makes it sound fancier.
Jim: I like "lanai." It's exotic. Brings a little paradise to Orson. Kind of like how my mom and I live on Orange Grove Avenue.
Mike: I'm not grilling burgers on a lanai. This is Indiana. Let's go with "patio."
Frankie: Well, I don't care. I love it. And thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm already more relaxed, and that's not the drink talking. Well, maybe a little.
Dave: Drunk or not, you're welcome.
Frankie: Oh, but don't think I'm done yet. Eventually, I want to have a tiki bar with a cabana and a flat-screen TV over there somewhere.
Mike: Okay. Anything for you, baby.


Quote from Sue

Sue: [gasps] Oh, no. My hopes are up. That is never good. Down, hopes. Down, hopes!
Lexie: The main thing is, we don't want anything 300 or below, or we're gonna be living in a major dump. I'm not exactly sure what a dump is, but I hear bad things.
Sue: I'm scared, Lexie... so scared!
Lexie: It's gonna be okay. I've got my lucky ruby lavaliere that my grandma gave to my mom and she gave to me.
Sue: I've got a rock from my dad's quarry.

Quote from Sue

Lexie: Oh, my God. We're 4!
Sue: 4 what? 44? 400?
Lexie: No, just 4. 4? 4! [squeals] [both scream] Oh, my gosh. Now we can get into the flood room! [both screaming]
Sue: Yes! We can get into the flood room! Wait. What is the flood room, and why do we want it?
Lexie: Oh, my God! That room's, like, famous. Two years ago, this girl got super-drunk, tried to go to the bathroom on the sink. It totally broke off the wall and flooded the entire room. They had to completely redo it... new hardwood floors, new paint, new sink, and it's got six outlets! [both scream]
Both: [sing] We got six outlets! We got six outlets! We're gonna charge stuff With our six outlets!

Quote from Brick

Brick: Hey, Dad, I'm running out of space in my room. Do you think your workers could come over and build me a bookcase? Maybe something in a dark walnut. I really want to make the books pop.
Mike: What? They're not gonna do that, Brick.
Brick: Why not? They helped you.
Mike: Yeah, that's 'cause they're my friends.
Brick: Oh, I thought they were only doing it 'cause you're their boss.
Mike: No. Where'd you get that idea? We're friends. Friends help each other out.
Brick: So you go over to their houses and help them with stuff?
Mike: Why don't you go outside with your mom?

Quote from Mike

Frankie: My lanai is screwed. They don't stop, Mike. Those stupid new neighbor kids are out there all the time screaming and yelling, and it's driving me crazy!
Mike: Yep. Yelling's annoying. [Frankie sighs] Come on. You remember how loud our kids were?
Frankie: What? They weren't loud. They were inside on video games all day. We were good parents.
Brick: What about the time Axl invented "garbage-can Jenga" and Old Lady Graber called the cops?
Frankie: Oh, that old bat was all up in everybody's business. She once turned a hose on Christmas carolers. What do you think I should do? Should I say something?
Mike: How many times in life have you asked me that, and how many times has your "saying something" turned out to be a good idea?

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: Hi! Just checking in. And I wanted to bring you a little something. Here's some Cocoa Puffs as sort of a welcome to the neighborhood. I know the box is open, but my son only had a small handful.
Diedre: Oh, gee, thanks. Everyone's so friendly. A woman named Nancy brought over a chicken casserole.
Frankie: Betcha she asked you to return the pan. [chuckles] What a pain. That box is yours to keep. There's a maze on the back. Anyway, it's a great neighborhood. Everyone is so friendly. We have a lot of fun together. I've got a brand-new lanai, so I'm gonna be out in the yard a lot, enjoying that baby.
Diedre: Oh, that sounds so nice. I know my kids are loving our new backyard. I can just open the door and let them go nuts.
Frankie: I hear ya... literally.
Diedre: As a matter of fact, we're gonna have a TV-free summer.
Frankie: Oh, yeah? Hmm. I don't know. Most of the experts have reversed on that. Turns out now they're saying a lot of TV is actually good. It's educational.
Diedre: [chuckles] Really?
Frankie: Uh-huh. I mean, if they don't speak Nickelodeon, hello, trouble! [chuckles] A little girl in this neighborhood was not allowed to watch Go, Diego! Go!... got into her parents' crème De menthe, rode her bike right into a tree. [chuckling] So...
Diedre: Well, we're gonna be an outdoor family now. Okay, but just so you know, this is supposed to be the worst tick season we've had in a while. Ticks have very acute hearing, so when they hear children screaming, it's like a dinner bell to a tick. The louder you are, the more they're like, [growling] "Yummy children!"
Diedre: [laughs] Well, I have a lot more unpacking to do, so...
Frankie: Oh, yeah. Well, be careful. [growls]

Quote from Axl

Axl: Hey! Two cheddar barges on a butter river!
Hutch: Two cheddar barges on a butter river coming up!
Axl: Oh, dude, check it out! We are on fire! Hey. You know what? I've been thinking. What's the one thing we're missing?
Hutch: A permit from the Health Department?
Axl: A sign! How's this sound? "Axl and Hutch present an Axl and Hutch Production, featuring sandwiches by Kenny."
Hutch: I love it.
Axl: Yeah, you do! I told you this RV was a good idea. We are like Breaking Bad, but with grilled cheese.

Quote from Axl

Hutch: Uh-oh... We're out of Havarti, and we're running dangerously low on Camembert.
Axl: Well, we got a can of spray cheese. Just use that.
Hutch: Kenny is an artiste. He can't compromise his integrity for spray cheese.
Axl: We can't keep using the fancy cheeses! I'm a business major, hmm? If I've learned anything, it's that you keep cutting quality till someone notices, and by then, it doesn't matter, 'cause you're already rich.
Hutch: No way! "Axl and Hutch present an Axl and Hutch Production, featuring sandwiches by Kenny" was built on fine European cheeses. Our customers expect the best.
Axl: That dude is wearing a robe and one shower shoe. I don't think he cares. Wait. I have an idea. Grilled cheese shots. Hmm? We get them a piece of bread, spray cheese in their mouth, it's like a Jello shot, but with grilled cheese. Mm! Hey, would you like to be the first to try our new grilled cheese shots? [the guy shrugs] All right. Uh-huh. [the guy coughs] Oh! I over-sprayed. I'm so sorry. [crowd groans] We're gonna work on that in our test kitchen.

Quote from Mike

Mike: Hey, Brick. I just want to make it clear that Jim and Dave didn't come over and help out just 'cause they work for me. I mean, it's not like they had to. We're friends. We hang out.
Brick: [spits out toothpaste] Hmm. When was the last time they came over to, you know, hang out?
Mike: It was when, uh... Dave came over to, uh, help with the dishwasher... and then fix the hole in Sue's... wall. Brush your teeth.
Brick: I just did.
Mike: Do it again.

Quote from Lexie

Sue: Oh, my God, Lexie. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Lexie: That our flat-screen would go great up on this wall?
Sue: Oh, it so would. But no. We can't take this room from her. Look at her. She's literally shuffling.
Lexie: Well, my grandma shuffles, and she loves life.
Sue: Poor thing. I just feel really bad for her.
Lexie: I know, but it's not like we asked for a better number. That's just how it worked out. Besides, they say that dealing with struggles in life builds character. Like this one time, we were supposed to have a penthouse, and we got stuck in a beach villa with only one infinity pool.
Sue: I don't know any of the words you're saying.

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