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Season 1, Episode 23 -  Aired May 12, 2010

Ahead of the Hecks' annual barbecue, Frankie points out that Brick's lack of social skills might be a trait he inherited from Mike. Meanwhile, Sue joins a church youth group and becomes infatuated with the guitar-wielding pastor.

Quote from Mike

Frankie: [v.o.] There are different kinds of signals people use to communicate valuable information to each other. Some are subtle...
Mike: [to a woman] Wow, you lost a ton of weight. [Frankie gestures for Mike to cut it out]
Frankie: [v.o.] ...and some, not so much.
Frankie: Did you hear that, Mike? Brian's taken up running. Says it's changed his life.
Mike: Yeah, I heard. I don't really care about running.
[later, as Frankie and Nancy talk on their way out, Mike taps his wrist to indicate it's time to go:]
Nancy: But did you see the shoes she wore on Wednesday?
Frankie: To die for.
Frankie: How many pairs do you think she has?


Quote from Mike

Frankie: [v.o.] Sometimes the point is so obvious, you don't have to say it.
Mike: Say it. Just say it.
Frankie: I knew it wasn't my side of the family. You're always blaming me for Brick being short. I'm just saying, he might have gotten a few things from you.
Mike: You wanna go down this road? We can. Let's go kid by kid. Axl's knees, your family. Sue's teeth, your family. Brick's snoring, [imitates snoring], you again.
Frankie: Yeah, we don't have to go down the road. You know what you know.
Mike: Hey, I was very social as a kid. Well-liked, picked first on every team.
Frankie: Of course they're gonna pick you. You're a freaking skyscraper. Brick doesn't have that luxury.
Mike: Your shrimpy genes, not mine.
Frankie: It's not just about the genes, Mike. Kids watch. They watch and learn.
Mike: I know, I know. I get it. I need to set a better example. I'll do it for Brick. That way, someday in the future, he won't ever have to have this conversation with his wife.

Quote from Brick

Mike: Hey, buddy. Proud of the good work you did yesterday.
Frankie: Looks like you really learned a lot in the class.
Brick: Yep. So I'm done now, right? I worked out all my social issues? [whispers] Social issues.
Mike: Well, son, you're never really done. You can always try to better yourself.
Brick: I'm probably as good as I'm gonna get. We did the thing, got the pizza party. I'm done.

Quote from Brick

Mike: Here's the thing, Brick. Everyone can always improve, even me. I might not always set the best example for you. I'm not always the most social guy. But don't get me wrong. I was popular, really popular.
Brick: Wow, the stripes on your shirt are thicker going up and down, and then thinner going sideways.
Mike: Look, Brick, we got this big barbecue coming up. What do you say you and me go out there and really try to be social? It'll be like our spring training.
Brick: Our what? Is that a sports thing?
Mike: Yeah, sports.
Brick: I don't know much about that. I'd be interested in hearing what you have to say.
Mike: Attaboy.

Quote from Mike

Brick: Socializing is hard.
Mike: Harder than I thought. What happened to you?
Brick: I offered a boy cake and he punched me.
Mike: I got offered something too. You know, buddy, I've been thinking. Maybe we're meant to be who we're meant to be. It's when we start to change who we're meant to be that things get messed up.
Brick: Sounds like an excuse, but Mom would probably fall for it.
Mike: No, I mean it. Brick, are you happy?
Brick: Yes. Are you happy?
Mike: Yes. So why are we letting people try to change us? We're fine just the way we are.
Brick: So do I still have to go to the social group?
Mike: Eh, Brick, that's kind of your mom's thing. She wants you to go. Just go for now. Eventually, she'll get tired of driving you.

Quote from Mike

Mike: Kind of late, though. I was ready to go an hour ago. I guess you missed my signal.
Frankie: I missed your signal? I missed your signal? That's hilarious. I gave you so many signals, other people's husbands were responding.
Mike: What are you talking about?
Frankie: Mike, you didn't hear yourself. You can't just say every thought that pops into your head.
Mike: Oh, come on. Are we really gonna go here? Look, we're 20 years in. We got 20, 30 more and we're done. Can't we just ride it out till then?

Quote from Reverend TimTom

[As Sue takes her sweater off, a piece of fabric gets caught in her braces]
Reverend TimTom: Do you need some help?
Sue: Oh, thanks. This happens all the time.
Reverend TimTom: Oh, hold on. Hold on. Panic is not your friend in this situation. There.
Sue: Oh, hey, thanks.
Reverend TimTom: No problem. Hey, guys. Let's everybody come on up front, and let's get these chairs out of the way. Make a peace circle.
Sue: Hey, what happened to Reverend Hayver?
Marcy: Oh, he doesn't lead the youth group. [points to Reverend TimTom:] He does.
Sue: Really?
Reverend TimTom: Okay. For all you new guys, my name is Reverend TimTom. Well, actually, my name is Reverend Timothy Thomas, but my friends - and you are my friends - call me Reverend TimTom. Let's rap about what's on your minds. [plays guitar and sings] It's tough bein' a teen When this world can be so mean No one takes you seriously You say, "Who will understand me?" When the world tells you you're nothin' Just remember that you're somethin' Yeah, it's tough bein' a teen Yeah, it's tough bein' a teen

Quote from Mike

Mike: And why are you so worried about it? I said it, not you.
Frankie: Yeah, but you're a reflection of me. I married you. I picked you. You start saying stuff like that, it's like my arm suddenly starts flapping uncontrollably and there's nothing I can do to stop it.
Mike: Well, I must be doing something right. People keep inviting us to parties. Our party's coming up in a few weeks. People come to that. I'm very social there.
Frankie: [scoffs] You're confusing yourself with me. I talk. I make the chitchat. You cling to the grill and ask people if they want cheese on that.
Mike: You knew what you were getting when you bought me.
Frankie: I guarantee you, people are going home now saying: "Can you believe Mike said that? How inappropriate."
Mike: Or they're saying, "Poor Mike. What a great guy. Too bad he's married to that shrew." [chuckles]
Frankie: Oh, yeah? Well, read this sign.

Quote from Axl

Frankie: [v.o.] Yep, some signs are unmistakable. Like those that signify the coming of spring, when the teenage boy wakes from his long winter slumber and comes out of hibernation to forage for food.
Axl: It's spring! Dad, when are you cleaning the pool for the barbecue? It's coming up soon.
Mike: I don't know. That's a lot of hassle. Maybe we'll just skip the pool.
Axl: What? No. No, you gotta clean the sweet above-ground pool.
Frankie: Yeah, well, that pool's turned into a sweet above-ground frog habitat.
Axl: It's the kickoff to the Orson bikini season. If our family can turn our back on this tradition, I don't know what we stand for.
Mike: Great. I have a new tradition. You clean it.

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: Oh, Sue, I was talking to Mrs. Hagen at the party last night. She told me her daughter's in the church youth group and likes it.
Sue: Youth group? Isn't that sort of for geeks and losers?
[Axl is about to say something.]
Frankie: Axl. I think you should give it a chance. You're always wanting to join something, and there's no tryouts for Jesus.

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