Mike: How you doing balancing the checkbook?
Sue: Well, I must have done it wrong. I have your balance at minus $11.
Mike: No, you did it right. It's us who did it wrong. [Frankie and Mike high-five]

Brick: [over radio] Actually, I have a question.
Sue: You're a go, Brick.
Brick: Well, Cindy said she wants to take our relationship to the next level, and Axl said I should figure out what that level is and bump it up at least two levels, but I'm not sure that's solid advice. Mom, when you and Dad were at level...
Frankie: Brick, do not take any of Axl's advice. Do you read me? Over.
Axl: I am simply informing him of the levels he'll have to master if he wants to keep a girl like Cindy satisfied. Over.
Frankie: All right, that's it. We're switching cars. Pull over. Over.
Brick: I just don't want to blow this. I really like her. She gets my sense of humor. She's pretty. She provides stability my family does not. Plus, on hot days, I can walk in her shadow. [whispers] Shadow. [normal voice] Over. [whispers] Over.

Mike: And, Sue, you're coming with me. Let's go. We got work to do. Time to teach you how to balance a checkbook.
Sue: But...
Frankie: [v.o.] Yep, all summer long, Mike had been dealing with Sue's impending departure by trying to cram 1,000 life lessons into the little time they had left.
[montage:]
Mike: There's a lot of spiders in the world, and I'm not gonna be there to kill them all for you. One's poisonous, it bites you in your sleep, you're dead.
Mike: Okay, late at night, you're broken down on the side of the road, nobody in sight... It's up to you to change this tire, or you're dead.
Sue: [opens bedroom door] Hi, Dad.
Mike: You didn't ask who it was. Who it was is a dangerous stranger, and you're dead.

Frankie: [over radio] Hey, there, car 2. Just seeing how you're doing back there. Anybody got their ears on? Over. Okay, Sue... [sighs] I don't know what else to do, so I'm just gonna talk. [sighs] You think I'm not gonna miss you? How do you not miss someone you've held since the first moment of their life like a gift you've been given? I mean, you even came wrapped. Y-you're someone I've spent every day with for 18 years... Except for the three days at summer camp that you won selling cheese and sausage, six with Grandma and Grandpa, and two when you ran away from home, but we all knew you were living in your closet. And then, this... this gift of a person leaves you? How are you not crushed by that? But the thing is, with you, more than the sad, there's this excitement, oh, 'cause I know you are so ready for this. And you're gonna do amazing things. I mean, you are gonna Sue up the world. [voice breaking] How lucky is the world, hmm? And how lucky am I that I get a front-row seat for all of it?
Sue: [over radio] [sobs] [crying] I know that I wanted this trip to be exactly like Axl's, but [sniffles] I don't anymore because this is way better. [crying] This is Sue, by the way. Over.

Brick: Axl, I need your advice.
Axl: My God, I feel like I'm on one of those TV shows where the older brother has to take care of the younger siblings 'cause the parents are dead or incompetent or... ugh.
Brick: It's about Cindy.
Axl: Mm, what did she do... Eat all the leaves off the top of the trees? Now she's roaming around hungry?
Brick: Oh, I get it... 'cause she's tall. Original stuff.

Mike: Tell him this is what he needs to do. He needs to ride his bike over to her house, sit on her stoop, maybe offer her a piece of gum...
Frankie: Yeah, that's stupid. I'm not telling him that.

Sue: Oh, my God. Mom, can you believe it? Can you believe your only daughter is really leaving for college?
Frankie: Sue, don't start. [voice breaking] I can't go there, or I'll never stop crying.
Sue: Oh, my God. I'm sorry, Mom. I don't mean to torture you. [voice breaking] I don't want to go there, either.
Mike: Okay, good. No one's going there.

Axl: Look, when you guys came to me and begged me to let Sue come to my school, I was overly nice, as usual. I gave you my blessing. But now, in six days, Sue's gonna be poking her big Sue head all up in my business, and, until that happens, I'd like to enjoy these last moments of Sue-less-ness... Sue-less!
Frankie: Keep your pants on, Axl. It's not that big of a deal. In fact, put your pants on.
Axl: Yeah, it's not a big deal to you guys 'cause you dumped her on me. It's the Ax-man's problem now. You washed your hands of this. [gasps] I bet you didn't even look at other schools, did you, hmm? This is probably part of your evil plan all along.
Mike: You done?
Axl: Okay, yeah, I am done now. [sniffs]
Mike: Good. You're coming with us.

Sue: [over radio] Can you please hand the walkie-talkie over to Dad? Dad, I know it's hard for you to say you love me, but it's not hard for me. I love you, Dad.
Mike: All right, here's your mom.

Frankie: Fine. We can put one thing in the trunk.
Axl: I vote for Sue. [chuckles]
Sue: That's okay. [chuckles] Bring it on, Axl. Let's hear 'em. You got six days to get out all the snarky comments because I want to be surrounded by nothing but kindness, sweetness, respect, and love when you all take me on my ride up to college.
Axl: Well, that won't be a problem, as I will not be joining you on the "dorkient" express.
Sue: What?
Axl: Yeah, you heard me. I have a week between school and football, and I have elected to spend my final days of freedom free of you.
Sue: No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You have to come. The whole family came when you got dropped off, and I want exactly the same. This is an iconic moment, Axl. I've already labeled a photo album "Sue's College Drop-off: The Whole Family Drops Me Off (An Iconic Moment)." So... Yeah, it can't be reversed.