Best ‘The Middle’ Quotes Page 1 of 25    

Quote from Brick in Mommapalooza

Sue: Okay, so, what do we do? Dad didn't give us enough drywall to fix a hole this big. He's gonna freak out.
Brick: I'm not gonna lie. It's gonna be really rough for you.
Sue: Me? You're the one who did this.
Brick: Well, you're the older sister who left her little brother to do major home repair on his own. Besides, if Dad flips out, I can just play the quirk card. I shrug, I look confused, throw in a few whoops and whispers, lick something if I have to... I'm off scot-free.
Sue: Oh, my God. You're diabolical.
Brick: I am not diabolical. [whispers] Diabolical. [normal voice] It's so easy. [whispers] It's so easy. [normal voice] Okay, that one wasn't planned.

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Quote from Brick in Flirting with Disaster

Brick: The Silligans come from a drier planet and are a rock-type people, whereas the Vernegos' habitat is a lusher, forest area...
Sue: Brick, enough! You have been droning on and on since we left. I am trying to concentrate. Aunt Edie's car is 3 feet wider than any car I've ever driven.
Brick: Sorry. Well, do you wanna listen to a book on tape?
Sue: Please. [tape rattling]
Brick: [on tape] But Soran would have to navigate the Asteroid belts of Norox without a working Pernovian laser. [whispers] Pernovian laser.
Sue: Is that you?
Brick: Uh-huh! I recorded the entire series on tape. I play them when my eyes are too tired from reading.
Brick: [on tape] As professor Faxon's prophecy foretold, Soran's quest...

Quote from Brick in Hecks on a Train

Brick: Do we have any details about the cause of Aunt Edie's death?
Mike: Just one. She was 96.
Brick: Interesting. Has anyone questioned Helen Riley? She was the perennial runner-up to Aunt Edie in the church pie contest.

Quote from Frankie in The Christmas Tree

Brick: Hey, Mom. Can I interest you in a decorative crock-pot cozy? Now you can leave your crock-pot out where everyone can see and save yourself unwanted embarrassment. It's for the women's club. These glasses are the prize for being their top seller.
Frankie: Let me guess. You're using the cozy money to pay off the peppermint-bark people.
Brick: Exactly.
Frankie: Brick, you're running a Ponzi scheme.
Brick: A Ponzi-what, now?
Frankie: You're using money you don't have to pay off the debt you had before, and now you got to go into even more debt to pay off this debt. It's an endless cycle. You're never gonna catch up.
Brick: Isn't that what you guys do with your credit cards?
Frankie: Well, yeah, but we're gonna die before they catch us.

Quote from Mike in Film, Friends and Fruit Pies

Mike: Sue, you got to come clean. You're too young to be in debt. It's different for us. We have a long-range financial plan where we die before we have to pay anybody off. But you don't have that cushion.

Quote from Frankie in The Shirt

Frankie: All I asked was for you to clean the bathroom! How hard is that?
Brick: Well, if you want to do it properly, you have to get to the root of the problem.
Frankie: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Brick. We are not "root of the problem" people. The surface is where we live. You start chipping away and digging down to the root of everything, the whole place falls apart. The filth and grime is what's holding everything together. You want to see a video of how we fix things? We wipe, we slide, we shove, we close. If a drawer is too full to open, move on to the next one. Never open it again.

Quote from Mike in Not Your Brother's Drop Off

Mike: How you doing balancing the checkbook?
Sue: Well, I must have done it wrong. I have your balance at minus $11.
Mike: No, you did it right. It's us who did it wrong. [Frankie and Mike high-five]

Quote from Mike in Operation Infiltration

Mike: What's it say? What's it say?
Sue: Uh... I don't know. Is this for one year or four years? Oh, my God, how can I go to college if I can't even figure out the financial-aid letter?! [breathing heavily]
Frankie: I see room and board. I see tuition.
Mike: Yes. They're giving us everything we needed! We're poor!
Sue: Whoo!
Frankie: [laughs] Yeah! We did it! Oh!
Sue: Whoo!
Frankie: I told you we were poor enough. I never stopped believing.
Mike: You know, if we'd have worked a little bit harder, none of this would be possible.

Quote from Frankie in A Quarry Story

Frankie: Mike, look at this. Not only did I get my back pay, but I made two commissions!
Mike: What? How'd you do that?
Frankie: Okay. You know how Oprah's motto is "live your best life"?
Mike: Can't that woman just stay retired?
Frankie: Well, here's my motto now. "Don't try."
Mike: I thought that was always your motto.
Frankie: I did, too. Turns out this whole time I thought I wasn't trying, I was actually trying a teeny bit. The key is to not try at all.

Quote from Frankie in Last Whiff of Summer

Brick: Hang on. This is wrong. None of us are being fair to Mom here. Maybe if you made your case.
Frankie: Oh, please. I am not gonna make my case. [mouth full] Okay, fine. First of all, I'm the one that does all things kid-related. I sign all your permission slips, I run out and get you poster board, I clean that cesspool you call a backpack.
Mike: Frankie, don't do this.
Frankie: Oh, I'm doing it. Do you know all three of your heads were unnaturally large, thanks to your giant favorite parent over here's weird genetic quirk? And that after 27 months of carrying you people around, I can no longer sneeze or laugh or jump in the bouncy house without peeing?
Mike: They don't really need to know that.
Frankie: Okay. What about tonight? Who's the one that got us out of the house, that packed the blue bag full of tasty chicken, and searched the newspapers for the best park with the best view of the best fireworks, all so we could create one stinking memory of "this"? Well, if anybody's still confused, it was me. Me, me, me. So just lie down, stop talking, and start watching, because nothing says summer like fireworks!
[After the family lay down and stare up at the skies, fireworks go off in the distance behind them]
Frankie: Nobody... say... anything.

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