Mike: I gotta get up.
Frankie: Mike, you can't. The "fasten seat belt" sign is still on.
Mike: Frankie, you don't know what it's like to be jammed in that seat. Every seat is giant to you.
Frankie: Look, just close your eyes and go to sleep.
Mike: I can't sleep. What if something happens?
Frankie: So what if it does? You're not flying the plane. There's nothing you can do.
Mike: Oh, no. I have to be ready. What if there's an emergency? People look to tall people in emergencies. We're the lighthouses of society.

Mike: This is nuts. I don't have to be in control. If there's a control freak in this family, it's you.
Frankie: What? Me? [chuckles] You're gonna have to reach pretty far back to make that case.
[flashback to this morning:]
Frankie: We're all wearing orange, so nobody gets lost.
[flashback to the plane:]
Frankie: If you two could just scootch over one toward the window... Sir, then if you could take the aisle seat?
[present:]
Frankie: You think that's being a control freak? Do you? Do you, Mike? 'Cause it's not. You know what that's called? Being a mom. I packed everyone's suitcases, made the snacks, checked the tickets, made sure nobody gets lost, and what do you do? You take a shower, and you waltz out the door. But I have to dot, because if I didn't, this family would never get anywhere! I'm not in control because I like to be. I'm in control because I have to be.
Mike: Where are those snacks again?
Frankie: Okay, you know what? I'm done. No. That's it. You wanna be in control? You're in charge of the whole family. I'm just a passenger. Mm-hmm. A passenger who is going to enjoy having someone cater to her needs in first class.

Frankie: Hey, everybody. Hi. Sorry to bother you, but we are looking for a 9-year-old boy, so if everybody could get up and just look around you.
Sue: [o.s.] Found him.
Frankie: Oh! Okay. Thanks, everybody. Never mind. Found him. We're good.
[Brick is sitting in a storage cabinet reading]
Brick: I got this from a sleeping woman. It's about menopause, but I don't even care. [whispers] Menopause.

Sue: Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God! I won! I won a contest! [screams and dances]
Frankie: [v.o.] Now you may wonder why we weren't more excited, but, see, over the years, Sue'd won a lot of contests.
[montage:]
Sue: I won a free mix-in at the yogurt store. [screams and dances]
Sue: Hundredth caller! K-102 morning zoo bumper sticker.
Sue: [gasps] Pickle lover's recipe book! 52 pickle recipes with colored pictures! [screams and dances]
[present:]
Sue: I won a trip to New York! Look, you guys. I won! I really won!
Frankie: You really won a trip to New York?
Sue: I was at the orthodontist, and in this travel magazine, there was this little card you had to fill out with "I love... [blank] York" and mail it in. I put "New," and I guess I was right. Whew. So lucky. I was this close to saying "Michael."

Axl: I can't believe I got bumped up to first class. Sweet!
Sue: You didn't get the upgrade! If anyone got the upgrade, it's me.
Axl: Pfft. Please. Just being allowed to travel with the humans is an upgrade for you. I thought they were gonna make us check you with the rest of the pets. [chuckles] Oh, yeah! Ax-man's already swinging at 8:00 A.M.
Mike: Cool it, Ax-man. Everyone will get their chance in first class.

Mike: Didn't you just tell Axl not to do that?
Frankie: I'm her mother, Mike, and she's a 14-year-old girl. It all starts now... boys, breasts, bulimia, all the "b" words. It's our job to stay on top of it. Oh, man. Oh, no.
Mike: What?
Frankie: "January 7th. Went to school. Came home. Going to bed now." January 8th. "Where are my blue socks? Can't find them anywhere. Oh, well. Going to bed now." This is the most boring thing I've ever read.
Mike: So that's good, right?
Frankie: February 11th. "I hate lettuce." February 18th. "Mom served lettuce again. Still hate it." Well, the good news is, she's not doing drugs. The bad news is, she's not doing anything!

Frankie: We made it. We made it Mike. New York, here we come! Whoo!
Brick: Mom, can you hand me the snack bag?
Frankie: Snack bag?
[shot of the blue snack bag on the kitchen table]
Axl & Brick: You forgot the snack bag?!
Frankie: Let's not point fingers.

Mike: Look, Frankie, you should just take the kids. I'll stay here. You would be taking the kids, right?
Frankie: Mike, you have to go. Listen, we all have to go. I mean, do you realize how lucky we are to have won?
The Donahues might have a new car, but the Hecks won four tickets to New York.
Mike: Well, if we were really lucky, we'd have won five.
Frankie: Okay, we can think of this as a problem, or we can think of it as a proble-tunity.
Mike: Proble-tunity?
Frankie: It's good, right? We just have to get creative. We can get an extra ticket on one of those discount web sites. I mean, sure, we might have to fly at an inconvenient time, but you can save a lot of money.

Frankie: It's 6:00! We overslept! We're gonna miss our flight! The cushion is gone, people! It's gone! No pooping! No shower! The cushion's gone!
Mike: Damn it! Go, go, go, go! Come on. You heard your mother! Go, go, go!
Frankie: Axl! Where's your orange shirt?! You're supposed to be wearing orange! We're all wearing orange, so nobody gets lost.
Axl: Yeah, I'm not doing that.
Frankie: Mike!
Mike: Yeah, I'm not doing that either.
Sue: Oh, thank God I was so excited I slept in my clothes. Oh, no. Woofy dog!
Frankie: Suitcase, I.D., purse, phones. Okay. Come on, people! Car, car, car! Let's go, go, go, go, go! Where's Brick?!
Brick: Right here.
Frankie: Oh. Okay. We can make it! Go, go! Come on! Come on! We're gonna make it! We're gonna make it! Out the door. Out the door. Out the door. Whoo! New York City, here we come!

Female TSA Agent: Ma'am, you're gonna need to check that bag.
Frankie: Oh, no. No. That's okay. No, thanks. We're not checking any bags. We're just carrying on.
Female TSA Agent: Ma'am, if it won't fit through the screener... You're gonna have to check that bag.
Frankie: For $25 a bag, it'll fit.
Female TSA Agent: Uh... ma'am.
Frankie: Make it... Make it... You know what? It'll fit. I just gotta rearrange a few things. Okay. Hey, everybody, put some clothes on. Come on.