Brick: Well, that was horrible.
Mike: Maybe next time, you listen to your mom.
Brick: No, it was a new kind of horrible. I mean, at the few elementary-school parties I was invited to, boys would run around and be stupid, but now there's boys and girls, and everyone just hangs out in the basement. Every time I turned up the lights to read, someone would just dim them down again. Next time I go to a party, I'm bringing my itty-bitty book light.

Frankie: Brick, you can't just stare at someone when you like 'em. You kind of have to, you know... Jump in anytime, Dad.
Mike: Well, when I was your age and I liked a girl, I would ride my bike by her house.
Brick: Yeah, I don't know if people do that anymore. From what I've gleaned, they do more communicating through social media. You know, texts, tweets, and whatnot.
Mike: They also don't use words like "gleaned."
Frankie: That's perfect for you, Brick. No eye contact, all words.
Brick: Yeah. I guess that might be more apropos.
Mike: But don't say "apropos"! [to Frankie] We really should redo the basement so he'll have someplace to live.

Frankie: Okay, okay. Okay, what's next? Got to keep it rolling.
Brick: I'm gonna ask her if she's read Planet Nowhere.
All: No!
Brick: How about her feelings on fonts?
All: No!
Brick: Don't I want her to know the real me?!
All: No!
Axl: Oh, God, no!

Hutch: Do you want to watch a movie or something? My roommate's got a copy of the Tooth Fairy starring The Rock. It's funny, 'cause he's big and he's a tooth fairy.
Axl: No! I want to go to my party in my room right now! I mean, eventually, I do want to watch that movie, 'cause it sounds like a great premise, but first... we do this.

Brick: Wow, you do not want to see the front of the house. It's a pumpkin crime scene out there.
Frankie: So, how was the dance? Did you talk to Harper? Come on, spill it. Mama wants some deets.
Brick: Well, she came up to me and said "Hi." At that point, I got sort of nervous, so my hands started to shake. Soon the shaking spread to my whole body. I tried to stop it, but that's when the dizziness set in. It's weird, you always hear people say the room started spinning, but it really did. I think that's about the time I bit my tongue, 'cause I tasted my own blood. At least I think that was my blood, it could have been hers. I clawed her face pretty good on the way down.
Mike: The way down?
Brick: Yeah, I took out the whole snack table. Anyway, when I came to, I was getting oxygen from the paramedics. Apparently, I banged my head on the punch bowl. They said I'm supposed to sleep upright tonight and you need to check my pupils once an hour. Clearly, I am not ready for a real relationship. Oh, well. We tried. Oh. They said I'm supposed to sleep upright tonight and you need to check my pupils once an hour. Did I mention that already? Hmm.

Frankie: Honey, we all think we've seen strange things. You know, when I was little, I looked out my window, and I swear to God, I saw a UFO beam our trash can up into the spaceship.
Sue: Really? Wait. Can I quote you for my article?
Frankie: No, no, the point is, even though it seemed very real at the time, I know it wasn't.
Brick: Well, that might be because time is a circle, but it's also sometimes a line. See, you're either experiencing something in the past that you would have experienced in the future, or you're remembering something that already happened that you haven't seen yet. Also, did you know that you can taste colors?
[Mike shines the light in Brick's eyes again]

Sue: No, it sounds incredible! I mean, there are so many beautiful, amazing things that happen every day that sound crazy. Think about it. If I had to explain the miracle of how babies are born to someone who didn't know, wouldn't I sound insane?
Mike: Yeah, but...
Sue: And stars. I read that when a star explodes, the dust they find is the same thing that makes up humans, animals, the entire universe. How amazing is that? The same stardust is in everything and everyone: me, you, even Christopher Columbus. You know, in his day, some people still thought the world was flat. Columbus said it was round, and people thought he was crazy. Look, I know there's always gonna be doubters, but it just takes someone who thinks, "Why can't it be true?" to truly change the world, and I am one of those people. So how can you sit there on this planet made of stardust that was once thought to be flat and still not think anything is possible?
Mike: Because it isn't. Now let's go. It's late. Time for bed.

Mike: Yeah, well, sometimes our mind plays tricks on us. Like one time, I woke up, and saw an old woman sitting at the end of my bed. But you don't hear me talking about it.
Frankie: What? You never told me that.
Mike: 'Cause there's nothing to tell.
Frankie: Well, obviously, there's something to tell.
Mike: Eh, it was nothing. She was sitting there. She looked straight at me. We stared at each other for a minute. End of story.
Sue: What did she look like?
Mike: I don't know. She was wearing an old-timey robe kind of thing. But that's not my point. My point is that it didn't happen, and that's...
Brick: So, you don't know who it was?
Mike: No. I mean, she looked like my grandma, but...

Frankie: Your grandma?!
Mike: Yeah. She was wearing kind of a big pin.
Frankie: A pin? You mean like the one in every single picture I have ever seen of your grandmother?
Brick: Did she say anything?
Mike: No, just... Well, she said, uh, "Everything's gonna be okay," but that was really it.
Sue: Oh, my God! Now I totally believe I saw the Santa Maria!
Mike: No. Look, what I'm saying is, my grandma was probably just on my mind. So I was thinking about her. That's all.
Frankie: Or your dead grandmother came to see you in the middle of the night.
Mike: Frankie, it never happened. And you know how I know? Because she's dead. It was just my mind playing tricks on me, and I don't go around telling people about it because it sounds insane.

Sue: All right! All right! Whoo! Okay, well, I think we can all agree that trust falls were a failed experiment. So, what do you guys want to do?
Ashley: We could have a séance.
Sue: Ooh! Very Halloween-y. I like it! Becky, get the lights. So... what do we do?
Ashley: Uh, let's hold hands. Okay, first, we need to call the spirit of a dead person. It's your house, so you should probably make the call.
Sue: Okay. Uh... Oh, spirits. I know this is your busy season with Halloween coming up and all, but if it's cool with you, we would like to contact the spirit of... Christopher Columbus!
Becky: Christopher Columbus?
Sue: He discovered America, you guys, and I just love America so much! Oh, spirits, if Christopher Columbus is in the room with us right now, please give us a signany sign. Hear our call. Show us your spirit is here.
[Sue squeals as she opens her eyes]