Frankie: [v.o.] Truth is, I wasn't just happy for Axl. You see, when your son's on varsity, you get to escort him onto the field before the big homecoming game, and it makes all the other crap you go through worthwhile, 'cause no matter how smart-mouthy and horrible your kid is every other day of the year, for one shining moment you've got everyone watching you, wondering... What did she do right? And you're the only one who knows. Nothing.
Axl: Look, just try not to embarrass me, okay? [wipes the milk off his bare chest with a slice of bread]
Frankie: [v.o.] Yep, warm mother-son moments with Axl were few and far between these days, and I was sure as hell gonna enjoy this one.

Frankie: [v.o.] At last, the big day arrived. Homecoming was our Super Bowl. Actually, the Super Bowl was our Super Bowl, but homecoming was a close second.

Frankie: And that is what I love about you. I really do. Just not when I have 15 minutes to get to homecoming and walk your brother out onto that field!
Sue: I knew it. I knew you'd rather be at Axl's thing than with me.
Frankie: Okay, you know what, Sue? You got me. Yes, I want to go to Axl's thing. I want to wear a pretty, returnable dress and walk your brother down the field, but not because I don't want to be here with you, because I do. And I was! It's just that I get no affection from Axl. I mean, you're a girl, and you still love to hug and cuddle with me, but your brother is just this miserable, smart-mouthed pain in the butt who won't let me anywhere near him, and if I can have one moment where he'll let me walk arm in arm with him out onto that field and kiss him on the cheek, and he can't wipe it off, then yes! I wanted to do that!
Sue: Okay. Let's go get your moment.
Frankie: [v.o.] You gotta love daughters. We even found a way for Sue to cross the finish line.

Brick: Dad, then can I ask you a question?
Mike: Kinda wondering why you didn't.
Brick: Okay. Where do the leaves go, you know, after the raking?
Mike: You ask Bob about football and I get leaves?
Brick: Well?
Mike: Well, we'll take 'em down to the dump, and they'll put 'em in the incinerator.
Brick: What?! You never said they were gonna burn 'em!
Mike: Well, what did you think was gonna happen?
Brick: I thought maybe we'd take them into the forest and set them free.

Frankie: Hey, Sue. Lookin' good.
Sue: Mom. What are you doing here? How's my time? Am I winning?
Frankie: Oh. Not exactly. The other runners have all come in.
Sue: Oh, really? Well, I lost some time in the woods. An angry raccoon wouldn't let me stay on the path, and I fell into a pricker bush, and it took a while to get out. And then I threw up a little. But I think I'm on a runner's high now.

Frankie: [v.o.] And so that was it. I had missed the big moment. I missed it all: the pageantry, the walk, the corsage. But then, almost as if Axl wanted to make it up to me, he pulled off the greatest play of the year.
Brick: What's happening?
Bob: I don't know!
Frankie: Whoo, Axl!
Announcer: We have a time-out on the field with number 32 down at the 11 yard line.
Mike: He's okay. He just got the wind knocked out of him. Frankie? [Frankie runs onto the field] Frankie, no!
Darrin: Dude, your mom's here.
Sean: Good evening, Mrs. Heck. Lovely dress.
Frankie: Axl, sweetie, are you okay?
Axl: Please tell me I'm dead.
Frankie: [v.o.] The good news is, I did get to walk arm in arm on the field with my son, but it wasn't exactly how I had pictured it.

Frankie: [v.o.] Out here in the middle, fall means a lot of things: Crunchy leaves, hayrides, and, most importantly, homecoming. It's the one day of the year the whole town stops watching football inside and starts watching it outside. And this year promised to be extra special.
Mike: Axl made varsity. How 'bout this kid?
Frankie: Oh, my gosh. Axl! Oh, I'm so proud of you. [hugs Axl]
Axl: Uh, gross. You know the rules. Christmas and birthdays only.
Frankie: Fine. I'll hug your dad.
Axl: Still gross.

Frankie: Okay. I need your vote. Which one should I wear to homecoming?
Mike: Which one's cheaper?
Frankie: Mike, this is homecoming. I'm not gonna worry about money. I'll tuck the price tag in and return it the next day.
Mike: Thattagirl. I can't tell. Until it's filled up, it's just clothes. Besides, it's not gonna matter what you decide to wear anyway, 'cause all eyes are gonna be on this.
Frankie: Oh, is that right?
Mike: 'Fraid so.
Frankie: Well, it may be competing with cleavage, so good luck.

Mike: Oh, look at that. I gotta get somebody out there with a rake.
Frankie: Well, Axl's at football, and Sue's at cross-country. Oh, but I heard Molly Donahue has a little leaf-raking business going.
Mike: Why would I pay someone else's kid when I got a perfectly good free one over there, sitting under our roof, eating our food, using our last name?
Frankie: Have you met Brick? He's not ready for leaf-raking. He can't even blow his nose.
[flashback:]
Frankie: No. You're... You're sucking in. Out. Out. Blow out. No. Wait. Close your mouth. Gotta get some pressure going there. Ooh.
[present:]
Mike: This is nuts. When I was 8, my dad had me drivin' a tractor, tarrin' a roof, trimmin' a tree with a chainsaw.
Frankie: And remember, we were gonna try and do better.
Mike: I'm just sayin', Brick's been playing the baby card for a little too long. Chores are part of being a man.

Mike: Brick, congratulations. You've been called up. You're going to the show.
Brick: Because I don't know what that means, I'm gonna assume it's some kind of sports expression.
Mike: I got a job for you, son. I want you to go out there and rake all the leaves in the backyard.
Brick: Oh... I don't think I'm ready for leaf-raking, but thanks for your confidence. [whispers] Confidence.
Mike: Come on. Let's go. All right. Rake works better if you flip it around. There ya go. He's got it.