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The Front Door

‘The Front Door’

Season 1, Episode 6 -  Aired November 4, 2009

The Hecks are stuck without a front door when Axl accidentally breaks it during an argument and Mike insists he should fix it.

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: You missed the bus, and now I have to drive you to school. Get dressed. And take your plate to the kitchen! In case you hadn't heard, we had to let the room service waiters go due to the economy.


Quote from Mr. Ehlert

Mr. Ehlert: So, Frances, how would you describe your sales technique?
Frankie: Well, I try to connect personally with the customer, um... Give them honest information about the car they're thinking of buying.
Mr. Ehlert: I ought to fire you right now. I don't get it. I read that women wanna buy cars from other women. That's why I went against all judgment and hired one. Now, you got a chance here to carry the torch for all of ladykind, or burn the whole deal down. It's up to you.
Frankie: [chuckles] I'm kind of like the Rosa Parks of Ehlert Cars, huh?
Mr. Ehlert: Rosa Parks? Don't even get me started on her. Now, look, you gotta find your game, and quick. Sounds wrong to put a woman in a dog suit, but... Ah, hell, it doesn't sound wrong at all. [laughs]

Quote from Mike

Mike: No, you moron. It's the sandwich I told you to throw away this morning. What were you thinking? Hey, Axl. Look at me. Look at me and continue looking at me. Better. I thought I told you to throw this sandwich away.
Axl: No, you said, "Take it to the kitchen."
Mike: And throw it out.
Axl: You didn't say that.
Mike: Okay, then let me break it down for you so you won't get confused. You're gonna take this plate, the one with the sandwich on it, and take it to the kitchen, the room with the sink, and you're gonna throw the sandwich in the garbage and you're gonna put the dirty dish in the dishwasher. And you're going to do this after every meal for as long as you live in this house. Got it?
Axl: Fine, whatever.
Mike: Now.
Axl: I'll get to it. Chill. [Mike unplugs the computer] Oh, God. You are always on me. Fine.

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: Axl! Axl, get out of bed now. Now! I said now!
Axl: Unh!
Frankie: [v.o.] Okay, I know this doesn't look good. But in fairness to me, this wasn't how the morning started.
[6:55 AM]
Frankie: [knocks on door] Axl. Honey. Time to get up.
[7:10 AM]
Frankie: Come on, sleepyhead. Rise and shine.
[7:25 AM]
Frankie: Axl, the bus comes in 15 minutes. Let's go.
[7:40 AM]
Frankie: [sprays water at Axl]
Frankie: [v.o.] You get the picture.
Axl: God. Overreact much?

Quote from Mr. Ehlert

Frankie: [v.o.] So after a stressful morning with Axl, work was almost like a break.
Mr. Ehlert: You people are the sorriest bunch of losers I've ever laid eyes on.
Frankie: [v.o.] I said almost.
Mr. Ehlert: And to reward you for that achievement, anyone who can't sell a car by next week is gonna find themselves out on the street.
Frankie: You're gonna fire us?
Mr. Ehlert: Forget that. I'm gonna put you out on the street in that dog suit.
Man: [shouts at the dog suit] Loser!
Pete: Which one of you is gonna be the head and which one is gonna be the tail?
Bob: I have asthma, so I have to be up near the mouth.
Mr. Ehlert: Now, I wanna hear this sales bell ringing like a trolley car in nancy town. Got no room for dead weight around here. Speaking of which. Frances. My office.

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: What are you doing?
Brick: Making a pyramid out of sugar cubes. [whispers] Sugar cubes.
Frankie: Oh, no. No. Don't tell me you have a class project due tomorrow.
Brick: No, it's not due until next week.
Frankie: I know it doesn't seem like much, but this was a milestone in Brick's life, and mine. He was a full six-and-a-half days ahead of his usual schedule.
Frankie: A papier-mâché Niagara Falls? By morning?
Frankie: Seriously, Brick? A Choctaw medicine-man costume by lunch?
Frankie: [sighs]
Brick: I'm gonna need some more sugar cubes.
Frankie: Sugar cubes? You got it. No problem. Six-and-a-half days? I'll get you a truckload.

Quote from Sue

Sue: Mom? School pictures came today.
Frankie: [v.o.] Oh, God, no. Please, no. I was just on a sugar-cube high and now this.
Sue: I haven't looked yet.
Frankie: Oh, boy. Okay, let's do this together.
Frankie: [v.o.] Sue has many wonderful qualities, but we've never seen any of them show up on film. [opens the picture] Okay, no biggie. We just have to go for a retake, right?
Sue: But to get a retake, I have to give this one back. What if the retake picture is worse than this? I'll be stuck with it.
Frankie: I think it's worth the risk. And maybe next time...
Sue: I know, I know. Just relax and be myself.
Frankie: No. Remember, we tried that last year, and... Maybe if you thought of something pleasant, like a rainbow or Ashton Kutcher. There you go. Perfect. Now, can you do that again tomorrow?
Sue: No. I'm just gonna hold it till then.

Quote from Frankie

Mike: And while we're on the subject, your Mom and I are sick of your attitude. From now on, when she asks you to do something, you do it.
Frankie: [v.o.] You got to admit, my partner is pretty hot.
Mike: Also, you're gonna start earning your keep around here. As a matter of fact, your mom has a whole list of things she wants you to do. Go, Frankie.
Frankie: Oh, um... Yes. There's a lot of stuff for you to do. Just give me a second. Um... Kind of on the spot here.
Mike: Okay, well, whatever she comes up with, you're gonna do it with a smile.
Frankie: Rake the leaves. Fold the laundry. Uh, clean the light fixtures... Ooh, they're coming now.

Quote from Axl

Axl: You can't do this.
Mike: You heard your mother.
Axl: God, this is so unfair.
[After Axl slams the front door, it falls off the frame and crashes onto the living room floor]
Mike: And you're gonna fix that too.
Axl: No way. No. It was already broken. Mom has been telling you to fix that hinge for like a month. Right, Mom?
Frankie: Uh... I support your father.
Axl: Classic.
Mike: And this door stays right where it is until you march your butt back and fix it.
Frankie: [v.o.] Oh, I forgot to mention, two days a week, the Orson Herald puts out an evening edition. [Frankie gets hit in the head with a newspaper]

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: [v.o.] The next morning, we still didn't have a front door. And even though folks in Orson, Indiana, brag about never having to lock doors, it's still good to have one to leave unlocked.
Brick: What are we gonna do?
Frankie: Well, honey, your father says Axl has to put the door back on, and I support your father.
Sue: We still don't have a door?
Frankie: I support your father.
Sue: But, Mom. Oh, shoot. My smile.
Frankie: [v.o.] On cop shows, partners back each other up no matter what. Yeah, we probably shouldn't have made our parenting rules based on cop shows.

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