Janitor: The door is broke. Probably the fifth time or so it don't open.
J.D.: Maybe a penny's stuck in there.
Janitor: Why a penny?
J.D.: I don't know.
Janitor: Did you stick a penny in there?
J.D.: No, I was making small talk.
Janitor: If I find a penny in there, I'm taking you down.

J.D.: How's it goin'?
Janitor: I'm 37 years old and I'm a janitor. How do you think it's going?
J.D.: Now, there is nothing wrong with being a janitor.
Janitor: Really? Thank you, you've turned my life around. I'm going to have to go tell my janitor wife and all our janitor kids that life is worth living. And that comes straight from our hero, Dr. Whozits, Dr. Nothing. No, seriously, come on. You can come over to my humble house and point out things that are cheap.

Janitor: Doctor.
J.D.: Janitor. What's that smell?
Janitor: I don't know. Although it smells a little bit like the truth. My poor wife slaved over these.
J.D.: She just cut off a pair of scrubs and hemmed the bottom. What's the big deal?
Janitor: What's the big deal? Well, the Lord didn't bless my wife with all ten fingers. She's only got pointer and thumb-pinky.

Mike: How you doing balancing the checkbook?
Sue: Well, I must have done it wrong. I have your balance at minus $11.
Mike: No, you did it right. It's us who did it wrong. [Frankie and Mike high-five]

Mike: You know when I was happiest? I mean really happy? When I was driving everybody. When they were small, and I'd be driving. Didn't matter where. It was just me at the wheel and you next to me and those three idiots in the back. And I knew everything was okay, 'cause I was driving. And I had it. I had everybody.

Mike: Sue, you got to come clean. You're too young to be in debt. It's different for us. We have a long-range financial plan where we die before we have to pay anybody off. But you don't have that cushion.