305. The Test
Aired October 12, 2011
Frankie pushes Axl to think about his feature when she finds out the PSATs in a few days and he hasn't studied. Meanwhile, Mike wants Brick to stand up for himself, and Sue tries out for cheerleading.
Quote from Axl
Frankie: [v.o.] Sometimes you can talk and talk and not get through to your kid. And other times, you plant a seed, and your words take flower.
Frankie: Hey, Axl. Brought you a snack. How's it going in here, huh? You know, I'm really proud of what you're doing.
Axl: Does this look right to you?
Frankie: What is this?
Axl: I'm designing my band's CD cover. Does it look the flames are coming out of my butt? Because they're supposed to be coming out of the ax, but...
Frankie: You fool! You're supposed to be studying for the PSAT! The test is tomorrow!
Axl: I was gonna study for it later. I'm better under pressure.
Frankie: When have you ever been better under pressure?! When?!
Axl: I don't know! I can't think with you yelling at me!
Quote from Axl
Frankie: Look, I'm not worried about Axl. It's gonna be fine. For all I know, he's been prepping for the test for months. I'm sure he's on top of it.
Axl: What about me makes you think I'd be on top of it?
Frankie: What about me makes you think I'd be on top of it? You are way behind here, Axl, way behind. All your friends are totally prepared.
Axl: So? You always say if my friends jumped off a bridge, it doesn't mean I should.
Frankie: This is not a bridge situation. This time you should have been doing exactly what your friends were doing.
Axl: It's your fault! You're supposed to nag me about important stuff like this. That's the system I'm used to.
Frankie: Did you know that they've been offering practice tests on Saturday mornings at your school? Nancy Donahue told me they've mentioned it numerous times at your morning announcements.
Axl: I don't listen to the morning announcements. That's my texting time.
Quote from Brick
Mike: Hey, listen, Brick, I wanted to talk to you about this whole getting-put-in-the-trash thing.
Brick: Oh, don't worry, Dad. It didn't bother me.
Mike: Well, that's the thing, is it should bother you, 'cause Heck men aren't fine with getting put in the trash.
Brick: Oh, the bully might be winning right now, but my time will come. [whispers] Time will come.
Mike: No, your time is now, Brick. You got to stand up to this guy, and let him know that he can't mess with you.
Brick: Actually, I find that most bullies just want to feel heard. They want to feel like they're in control. And eventually, once they think they've won, they'll just walk away.
Quote from Sue
Sue: Two and a half minutes left the possibility of being a cheerleader, but you know what? Even if I don't make it, it's gonna be fine. It's gonna be so fine. Oh, my gosh! They're not calling! I tried and I didn't make it. My life is over! But I guess that's just the way the old cookie crumbles. Just got to roll with the punches and all that jazz. Why aren't they calling?! Is that clock fast? Are these phones working? Why can't this family have better phones and clocks?! Oh, my God. I want this so bad. I can't breathe.
Axl: No one help her.
Frankie: Honey, you're looking kind of pale. Maybe you should eat something.
Sue: One minute left with the possibility of being a cheerleader. Maybe they wrote down my number wrong, or maybe I wrote down the time wrong. Oh, my gosh! I can't take this anymore! I should just walk away. A watched phone never rings. [phone rings] It's them! [jumps across the counter] [answers phone] Hello? This is she. [gasps] I'm a cheerleader! [screams and dances] Yes! Yes!
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: Doug Hornburg did everything right, and now he lives in his mother's basement and picks up dead animals off the side of the road! Don't you get it, Axl? This is your entire life we're talking about here! You screw this up, you're done, and guess what? No flying dragon is gonna swoop down and help you solve your problems! The only dragon you're gonna be dealing with is the dead one that you're dragging off the street!
Frankie: [v.o.] I was sorry I had to be so harsh with Axl, but sometimes that's what a kid needs to hear. The amazing thing was, after yelling at him, all the stress just left my body. I don't know where it went, but it was gone.
[Axl lays awake at night.]
Quote from Sue
Courtney: What do you mean, "no?"
Sue: I'm a cheerleader, and I want to stay a cheerleader.
Courtney: You don't really want to be part of something you didn't really earn, do you?
Sue: More than anything.
Debbie: But there can only be eight cheerleaders, and here's the thing: You're not one of them.
Sue: Well, here's my thing. If you hadn't called me and told me I'd made the team, I would have been heartbroken, but I would have gotten over it. But you did call me, so I told everyone I know that I'm a cheerleader. My family, my friend, my pen pals in Brazil and Toronto. So to step down now would be humiliating... And Sue Heck's humiliation has a price.
Debbie: What does that mean?
Sue: It means if you want me to go quietly, I'm gonna need some things.
Sue: I want to wear the uniform to school, I want to be in the group photo in the yearbook, and I want to cheer in one game. And I want at least two cheerleaders to attend my birthday party.
Courtney: We'll agree to everything except the birthday party.
Quote from Mike
Mike: You make a nice sandwich. Now I know why that kid keeps taking it from you. Mmm! Man, this is good. You want it back?
Mike: Then take it from me.
Brick: I don't want to.
Mike: Come on. I just stole your sandwich. What are you gonna do about it? You gonna get tough or not? Huh? Huh?
Brick: Stop telling me to get tough! People either are, or they're not, and I'm not, so leave me alone! Just back off and let me be!
Mike: Spoken like a true Heck man.
Mike: You did it, Brick. You finally stood up for yourself. This is what I've been wanting you to do all along. Didn't that feel good?
Brick: It kind of did.
Mike: You're darn right it did.
Brick: As a matter of fact... It felt great.
Mike: Now I want you to remember that feeling and take it with you through your life. I'm proud of you, son.
Brick: Dad, that's my sandwich.
Quote from Mike
Mike: I pulled the man out of him. I stole his sandwich, and he finally stood up for himself. I've been hounding that kid all week about getting tough, and he finally listened to what I had to say.
Brick: I find that most bullies just want to feel heard.
Mike: I got to tell you, Frankie, it wasn't easy, but sometimes I think you just got to let people know who is in control.
Brick: They want to feel like they're in control.
Mike: So I told him I was proud of him, and...
Mike: And then I...
Brick: And eventually, once they think they've won, they'll just walk away.
Mike: I just walked away. Oh, my God. I've been played. That kid's a genius.
Frankie: Yeah, well, maybe we can get him to take Axl's SATs.
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: You know what? You don't even deserve to go to college.
Axl: Fine! I won't!
Frankie: Oh, you're going to college! And as soon as we figure out who our congressman is, you're going to meet him!
Quote from Sue
Sue: What time is it?
Sue: Oh, my gosh. Five more minutes with the possibility of being a cheerleader. This is like Christmas morning, my birthday, and the first time I smelled the Justin Bieber perfume, wrapped into one.
Frankie: You know, even if they don't call, you gave it your best shot, and that's all that matters.
Sue: Oh, they're gonna call. I just need to stay positive. I heard that if everyone in a room concentrates on one thing really hard, they can make it happen.
Axl: Nope. She's still here.