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‘The Smell’ Quotes Page 1 of 3    

The Middle: The Smell

518. The Smell

Aired April 2, 2014

Frankie tries to find the source of a noxious smell that is hanging over the house. After Bill Norwood talks Mike into being assistant coach of a girls soccer team, which Sue joins, he is suddenly busy at work and promotes Mike to coach. Meanwhile, Axl tries to figure out what Cassidy's painting means for their relationship.

Quote from Brick

Frankie: I swear I've been through everything in here, and the stench is not coming from the fridge. Hey, Brick, did you go through your backpack? Are you sure you don't have a yogurt or something in there from last year?
Brick: Unh-unh. I lost my backpack.
Frankie: Seriously? Well, where did you last have it?
Brick: That's kind of what makes it lost, Mom.
Frankie: Well, how are you doing your homework?
Brick: Oh, this isn't homework. I'm just writing down all the colors I like. I don't know if it's 'cause I'm getting older, but I've warmed up to periwinkle considerably. [whispers] Periwinkle.


Quote from Axl

Hutch: So, you can't go to the chi-o party 'cause of this painting?
Axl: No, I can't go to the party 'cause I might have a girlfriend.
Hutch: Oh, you might have a girlfriend, so you can't go to the party 'cause you don't want to cheat on the girlfriend that you may or may not have.
Axl: Exactly.
Hutch: And the answer's in this painting?
Axl: I don't know. Maybe, but... [sighs] We made out the whole time. Then she gave me this painting, told me it explains everything, and that was it.
Hutch: Well, why don't you call Cassidy and just ask her what it means?
Axl: [chuckles] Yeah, right. You wouldn't call up Michelangelo and tell him you don't understand the "Moaning Lisa."
Hutch: Dude, it's the "Mona Lisa."
Axl: "Mona"? That's not even a word. [groans] I don't get art.

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: Look, Brick, the fact that you stink is nothing to be embarrassed about. It's just your hormones waking up and telling you that things are changing in there.
Brick: Yeah, lately, I noticed when I wear corduroys, I-
Frankie: No need to go into details. Now, I know you've recently expressed an interest in girls. And if you want that interest reciprocated, you're gonna have to put in a little effort.
Brick: Like you and Dad do?
Frankie: Like me and Dad used to do. I think the thing you'll want to do is have fun with it. I'm gonna leave you here to pick out whatever smell suits your fancy: deodorant, shower gel, cologne, body spray. Go nuts. Get it all. I'm buying. Oh. Check the ingredients. Nothing natural. We got to hit that with chemicals.
Brick: Would I like Summer Breeze Dou-Shay?
Frankie: Wrong side of the aisle, Brick. Stay away from the pinks and purples. You want the reds, blacks, and grays anything with a stripe.

Quote from Brick

Mike: All right, Brick, this is all it is. Watch. Swipe... swipe... squirt, and you're out.
Brick: Really? Are you sure I'm getting enough? I feel like I need more.
Mike: No. That's it.
Brick: Well, can I do that thing where I make a mist cloud and walk through it?
Mike: No. You may not.
Brick: Huh. Who knew it was so simple?
[later, at school:]
Girl: You smell good.
Brick: Thanks. Are you "dou-shaying" yet?
Frankie: [v.o.] Well, you know what they say you can lead a boy to deodorant, but you can't make him smooth with the ladies.

Quote from Mike

Mike: I think I smell it more in the nighttime.
Frankie: Really? I smell it more when I get up.
Mike: Doesn't seem like a food smell. I'm thinking maybe it's mold.
Frankie: No, it's more a cross between baby spit-up and rotting animal flesh.
Mike: Hm. Remember the conversations we used to have when we were dating?
Frankie: Mm.

Quote from Mike

Bill: Hey, this might sound crazy, but I could really use an assistant coach. I know you did some coaching back in the day. Come on when Axl was little.
Mike: Yeah, back-to-back city t-ball champs. But I'm retired.
Bill: Oh, come on! It'd be fun! We could hang out, you know? Get some fresh air. We could even go out for beers after.
Mike: Well, I've done a lot less for beer.
Bill: Oh, we're also looking for some more girls to help fill out the roster, so I don't know if Sue is into joining stuff, but maybe she could play on the team.
Sue: [squeals] I would love to be on the soccer team. I don't exactly have soccer gear, but I could use my shorts from volleyball, my cleats from field-hockey tryouts, my tennis wristbands, and, if it gets cold, my Wrestlerettes sweatshirt.
Mike: Looks like you got yourself an assistant coach.
Bill: [chuckles] All right.

Quote from Mike

Frankie: [sighs] Oh, boy. Okay. It's not under the house. But, if you're curious, bat mothers do nurse their young. So... I guess we're gonna have to concentrate our efforts inside.
Mike: Well, can't be any harder than finding an earring in a field.
Frankie: All right, I've narrowed it down to these three rooms. So, Mike, you take the living room. I got the kitchen. Sue, you get the dining room. [claps] We can do this, people, okay? I know it's repulsive, but use your noses. Really get in there.
Sue: Maybe we should just move.
Mike: Anyplace we could afford would probably smell worse than this one.
[As Frankie, Mike and Sue walk around the room sniffing, they all zero in on Brick. Mike lifts up one of Brick's arms and takes a whiff.]
Mike: Found it.

Quote from Sue

Nikki: What's his problem?
Sydney: Geez, relax, dude.
Sue: Yeah. What's with Coach Crankypants? Actually, Dad, you're not really that cranky today. You're doing great. It's just I got to fit in with the other girls. So, if you hear me saying things about the new coach, I just want you to know I don't really mean them.
Mike: Wait, what things?
Sue: Oh, I don't know. A ton of stuff. Uh, "Coach never smiles, coach wears too much flannel, I think he drinks." It's nothing they're not saying already.

Quote from Brick

Frankie: Brick, what are you doing?
Brick: I can't decide. Do I want to smell like a polo player or a yachtsman? I don't want girls to think I'm an athlete, but if I smell like a boat owner, they might think I'm a snob. Frankly, neither one's a great choice for me.
Frankie: Okay, you're overthinking this. Just get something that smells good so we can go. I'm gonna find some air freshener for the house, and when I get back, I want you to have this figured out.
Brick: [spray hisses] Ick! It's in my mouth!
Frankie: [sighs] Okay. I guess you're not ready to do this by yourself.

Quote from Sue

Sue: And I know Jordan didn't have the best game, but that's 'cause she just got a haircut. She wanted the front to be longer than the back, but it all ended up being the same length, and it came out like a Bob. I mean, it's not her fault. She brought a picture! And, Dad, I don't want to tell you how to coach but I would not play a girl who just got a haircut.

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