Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Why Are We Here?’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Loves Raymond: Why Are We Here?

122. Why Are We Here?

Aired April 7, 1997

As Debra loses patience with Frank, Marie and Robert always barging into the house, she and Ray think back to the cramped apartment they lived in three years ago.

Quote from Ray

[flashback:]
Debra: Here's a two-bedroom apartment in Elmont.
Ray: Elmont? No. Look, here's the tri-state area. Here's where my mom and dad live. So anything within this circle is too close to my parents' house.
Debra: Put that away. They're gonna be here any minute.
Ray: You're not listening. If my mom can cook sauce and get it to our house before it's cold, she's gonna be over every day. Nuh-uh. We'll call this the hot zone.
Debra: I like her sauce.
Ray: Let me finish, please. Now, anything within this zone is gonna be about a once-a-week visit, okay? Now, here farthest away. Best zone right? Wrong! 'Cause if we move here and they visit, they become overnight guests. Okay, so the middle zone is our target area. It's too close for an overnight, too far for sauce.
Debra: Well, speak for yourself, Ray, because I have no problem with your parents.

Rate

Quote from Ray

Debra: I would never have thought that I would miss our little apartment in Queens.
Ray: Come on, that apartment was tiny cramped and noisy.
Debra: And your parents would only visit every other month.
Ray: I loved that place.

Quote from Debra

Ray: So, when we can afford to move, where do you want to go?
Debra: Well, here's Earth, your parents' planet. Let's call this the hot zone.

Quote from Marie

Marie: [enters] Hi, listen, I brought you some whole milk. I think you could use some calcium in this house.
Debra: What?
Marie: Oh, don't be alarmed, dear. It's just that when I was here this morning the twins looked bow-legged.
Debra: Thank you, Marie, but we have milk.
Marie: No, I threw it out. It smelled questionable.
Debra: Marie, we don't need your milk okay? And don't throw our milk.

Quote from Frank

Frank: My shorts are riding along with some of your fine washables. Hey, kids, let me get a sniff.
Debra: No, Frank, not right now. I'm trying to get-
Frank: They're the fountain of youth. Ah, I'm sucking in that youth. Ah, it's magic.
Debra: Frank, please. You're slobbering on them, okay?

Quote from Frank

[flashback:]
Frank: How about that yard?
Debra: It's nice. Really big, Frank.
Frank: Nothing more important in a kid's life than a big backyard. Pitch a tent. Bury a cat. Remember Whiskers?
Ray: Yeah, Dad.
Frank: Still in our yard if you want to pay your respects.

Quote from Robert

Robert: Debra, look do me a favor. I'm calling Channel 11. Ask the lady which Twilight Zone is on tonight.
Debra: Oh, Robert, no. Why don't you ask her that?
Robert: She knows my voice.
Debra: [on the phone] Yeah, hello? Hello? Uh, yeah. Can you tell me which episode of
Robert: Twilight Zone.
Debra: Twilight Zone is on tonight please? Yeah. Okay, thank you. [hangs up] Lady picks up a hitchhiker who turns out to be Death.
Robert: Ah, that's a great one. You know, you would think Death is a big guy. But he's a little guy. Genius.

Quote from Marie

Debra: Where's my pot roast?
Marie: Oh, well, that's over at my house.
Debra: What? What's it doing over there?
Marie: Well, when I smelled it earlier it definitely needed some work.
Debra: What?
Marie: I drained it and now I'm readjusting the spices.
Ray: What, do you got it up on the lift over there, Mom?

Quote from Ray

Debra: Ray, am I a bad person?
Ray: No, no.
Debra: Because I am having some bad thoughts.
Ray: Well, they'll do that to you.
Debra: My God, I just can't take any more. Let's just move.
Ray: Believe me, I would love to. We can't right now.
Debra: Well, when can we?
Ray: Five seconds after we can afford it.

Quote from Ray

[flashback:]
Debra: Grab me the ice cream will you?
Ray: Ice cream? Yeah. We only got three more.
Debra: That's all right, I don't need a bowl.
Ray: We could just tie it around your neck and keep your hands free for cookies.
Debra: Okay. So tomorrow's the big sonogram. Get to know everything.
Ray: No, I told you. I don't want to know what's in there, besides the ice cream.
Debra: Okay, fine. I won't tell you. But I want to know this time.
Ray: My mother said you're having a boy. You're carrying low and your nose is bulbous.

Quote from Robert

[flashback:]
Robert: I'm all right. I'm not gonna let it drag me down. If she doesn't want me, I'm sure there are plenty of other women out there who might.
Debra: Listen, I'm sure it's all gonna work out.
Robert: Yeah, I hope so for her sake. She could end up a divorced 40-year-old living in her parents' basement. [laughs]

Quote from Ray

[flashback:]
Debra: Come here, look. Okay, there's his little... something.
Ray: Oh, look at that.
Debra: It's cute right? And then there is another little something.
Ray: What does that mean?
Debra: It's twins, Ray.
Ray: What?
Debra: Two boys.
Ray: What right now? In here?
Debra: Yeah. Are you happy? [Ray nods] Yeah.
Ray: This is unbelievable. This is... It's fantastic. Somebody has to show me how to do a cartwheel right now.
Debra: Don't look at me.
Ray: But how does that happen? Twins don't run in our family. I'll bet it's because I switched to boxers.

Quote from Ray

[flashback:]
Ray: Show me again.
Debra: See? There's a little something and there's another little something.
Ray: Am I a man or what? In school they used to play keep-away with my hat. Look at me now.
Debra: You showed them, baby.
Ray: When you showed me two somethings, twins didn't pop into my head. For a second I thought my son was gonna make a living winning bar bets.

Quote from Ray

[flashback:]
Ray: This is great. This is so wonderful.
Debra: I've never seen you this way.
Ray: You've never given me twin sons before. This is the greatest. Everything I've ever wanted. It's like I'm never gonna worry about anything ever again. Oh, no.
Debra: What? What? What are you talking about? You got everything you ever wanted.
Ray: Yeah, but where are we gonna put it?

Quote from Debra

[flashback:]
Marie: I brought you some whole milk. Ally needs more calcium now that she's walking.
Debra: Oh, that is so sweet. Thank you so much.
Marie: Hi, sweetheart.
Frank: There's Ally. Let me get a few whiffs from the fountain of youth. [sniffs] There it is. I'm sucking in the youth. There's the magic.
Ray: Dad, you're slobbering.
Debra: Oh, come on, leave him alone. He's cute.

Quote from Robert

[flashback:]
Ray: Debra went for her sonogram today.
Frank: What are we having?
Ray: Take a guess.
Robert: Well, you already have a girl so with Raymond's luck I'm guessing a boy?
Ray: No.
Robert: A girl? You're having another girl? You're gonna have two girls. [chuckles]
Debra: Uh, it's, uh... It's twin boys.
Marie: Oh, my God.
Frank: Two sons, it's a dynasty!
Robert: Well, look at Raymond go.

Quote from Marie

[flashback:]
Marie: Honey, how are you? How do you feel? You hungry? Want me to make you something?
Debra: No, I'm okay.
Marie: You should eat whatever you want.
Ray: Believe me, she is.
Marie: Because if a pregnant woman craves something and doesn't get it, the baby is born with a birthmark shaped just like that food.
Frank: That's why Ray has a big cannoli on his ass.

Quote from Robert

[flashback:]
Marie: I'll bring you over a meatloaf tomorrow.
Debra: I would love that, Marie, but Ray and I gonna go look at some bigger apartments tomorrow.
Frank: Hey, what's that? You're moving?
Marie: Why don't you use your father? He still has his broker's license.
Frank: Yeah, I got a little house that would be just perfect for you.
Debra: A house?
Robert: Sure, a house. Picket fence, twin boys. What a pretty picture.

Quote from Frank

[flashback:]
Ray: Dad we're not looking for houses.
Frank: Why not?
Ray: We can't afford it.
Frank: What afford? No money down. No points. Balloon at the end. [touches Debra's belly] Siegfried and Roy will be out of school before you make your first payment.
Debra: Where is it?
Frank: It's in a great neighborhood out on the Island.
Ray: Siegfried and Roy?
Marie: Ooh, it's a great place to raise kids.
Debra: My God, Ray, we should look at it.
Frank: Yeah, good schools. Easy commute.
Ray: I guess it won't hurt to take a look at it.
Marie: It's wonderful. And you'll never find better neighbors, I mean, than the couple that live across the street.
Ray: Who are they? [Frank and Marie smile] You're kidding? [Robert snickers]

Quote from Ray

[flashback:]
Ray: You know, we might not have to move, really.
Debra: Well, we need a bigger place, Ray. We're having twins.
Ray: Well, how big a place do they need? Look where they live now.

Page 2 

 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode