Debra: You know, it's just a canister. It's a can. Everybody will get over it. I'm throwing it out.
Robert: Whoa! Excuse me, Deb. Not to get technical, but what you're considering is theft and destruction of property. And I can't let that happen to something that once belonged to my "Gammy."
Ray: Yeah, come on, Debra. My mother loves this thing.
Debra: All right, all right. Yeah you're right, and you're right, and your mother's right. Okay? Everybody's right except for me. I just thought that, you know for once, she respected me enough to apologize. But I screwed up, so you know what? Give me the thing, I will take it back to her and I will let her say whatever she's gonna say. [opens the door] Nobody's gonna stop me? Nobody cares what happens to me? Or not even to me, but let's just say I bring this thing back, and then she thinks she's always right. And she has more power than ever. When you say, "Mom, I don't want to marry that girl. I think you're wrong about her." "Oh, really? Was I wrong about the canister?" Or you, when you say, "Mom, you know, I don't think you should move in with us now that Dad has passed." "Oh, have you forgotten about the canister?!" But you guys do what you want.
Robert: It is just a canister.
Ray: I'm gonna turn my back, you do what you have to do.

Debra: I could have sworn I gave that back to your mother. I mean, I don't know what happened. Well, here's what probably happened is that, you know, I'm doing a million things and the kids are always at you and they're asking you for stuff and Ally probably came up to me and asked me for something and I didn't really hear. You know, and as long as I don't hear the word "gun" or "knife," I just said, "Yeah." So, yeah, that that's probably what happened, I'm positive. Because, you know, I'm doing like a million things, and you know, I've gotta do everything here myself, and if you would pitch in a little bit more, Ray-
Ray: Oh, no, no! No! No! Don't look at me! This is what drowning people do, they pull you right down with them.
Debra: Well, I'm screwed, all right?
Robert: You know what's really bad? She apologized to you even though she knew she was right.
Debra: Oh, shut up! Why do you come over here, to state the obvious? Is that what you're here for?
Robert: I must say, Debra, this is not your most attractive side.
Debra: What do I do? What do I do?!

Ray: Well, you gotta return it, now.
Debra: Are you out of your mind?! Do you know what she will put me through if I have to bring this thing back over to her? You know what she's like!
Ray: Look, there's a way to fix this. You just return this to her with your heart in it.

Frank: Hey, is that Marie's canister?
Debra: No.
Frank: Wait a minute! Let me see that. You did have that canister! She's been going on and on about that thing like it's King Tut's golden undies.
Debra: Please, Frank, don't say anything. If she finds out I had this thing-
Frank: [chuckles] You're in big trouble, lady.
Debra: Listen, I'm begging you, Frank. What do I do?
Frank: Give your heart to God, 'cause your ass is Marie's.

Ally: Is this what Grandma was looking for?
Debra: [screams]
Robert: Oh, my God.
[Ray draws the drapes on the kitchen door and locks the door]
Debra: Ally, where did you get that?
Ally: You gave it to me.
Robert: Oh, my God.
Ray: What did you do?
Debra: Wait, wait, wait a minute. I didn't give this to you. When did I give this to you?
Ally: I asked if I could keep my crayons in here and you said yes.
Robert: Oh, my God!
Debra: I do not remember that.

Debra: Frank, I don't know what to say. Why did you do that?
Frank: I don't know. I didn't want that to happen to you. You're like my daughter.
Debra: Oh. Thank you.
Frank: And she was gonna yell at me like that later anyway. I ate the backside of that ham.
Marie: [o.s.] Frank!

Marie: Well, I think I would've remembered if you returned that canister, because it's my mother's, and there's even a special space on my shelf for it, which is empty now.
Debra: Yeah, well, I remember returning it, because I heard about that space on your shelf when you brought it over.
Marie: Oh. Well, would you like to take a minute now and look for it? And while you do, I can correct a few of these potatoes.
Debra: You know, Marie, if the canister was here, I'm sure you would have noticed it during one of your daily inspections.
Marie: You know what? Until you find it, at least it's with people I love.

Robert: Ma! Where's Ma?
Ray: Why? What's the matter?
Robert: Dad got into the ham.
Ray: Did you leave it on the counter? He jumps up there.
Marie: What did he do?
Robert: He's lopping off slices of it and putting it into the toaster. Like pork Pop-Tarts.
Marie: Every year. Last year, I caught him in the car with it.

Debra: Okay, you listen to me. I got an apology! Do you have any idea what that means? She apologized to me. Okay, the whole balance of power shifted.
Robert: It was a beautiful fifteen seconds.

Debra: It's done.
Robert: Thank you.
Ray: I feel cold.
Debra: So, you're with me now, right?
Robert: I guess so.
Debra: No matter what?
Robert: No matter what.
Debra: Ray?
Ray: Devil, thy name is woman.