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‘Debra's Sick’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Loves Raymond: Debra's Sick

113. Debra's Sick

Aired January 3, 1997

Ray has to cancel a meeting with Terry Bradshaw when Debra and the kids fall ill.

Quote from Frank

Marie: Feeling better, honey?
Debra: Yeah, you know, I think that garlic actually helped. To tell you the truth, I thought that was an old wives' tale.
Frank: Look who you're talking to.

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Quote from Ray

Marie: Michael's hot, too.
Debra: What?
Marie: That's what comes from vitamins shaped like cartoon characters.
Ray: Geoffrey's fine.
Marie: No, that's not how you do it. Let me see the baby. [kisses Geoffrey's forehead] Yeah. He's fine. Now, you have to take Michael and Ally to the doctor right now. And I'll stay here with Debra and Geoffrey.
Debra: No, no, no, no. Don't do that. I don't want you... getting sick.
Marie: I don't get sick, dear.
Ray: Mom's more of a carrier.

Quote from Marie

Marie: I don't understand how the children got so sick. I mean, you do put coats on them, don't you?
Debra: No, Marie, I send them out straight from the tub, buck-naked. Yes, of course they wear coats.
Marie: What coats?
Debra: The coats that you bought them.
Marie: I never see them wearing them. Now, I know you never liked those coats. But I don't think it's worth endangering your children's health just to send me a message.
Debra: They wear the coats. [coughs]
Marie: You know, they're very expensive coats.
Debra: They're good. They're good, warm coats.
Marie: You're just saying that to make me feel better. I bought bad coats.
Debra: No, they're- They're fine, Marie. I just need to rest now.
Marie: Now, here. Blow. You know, I bought those coats from Frank's friend, Leon. He said it was a deal. That crook. He sold me paper coats. If I can just make it to the phone. I should never listen to Frank. "Buy from Leon," he said. "Leon has quality merchandise." What he doesn't say is that Leon wants to kill my grandchildren.

Quote from Ray

Debra: Ally, the jumping is making Mommy sick.
Ray: Stop, Ally. That's enough. Here, look, read this. Wait a minute. That's Victoria's Secret. That's Daddy's. Here, read this. This is the thermometer?
Debra: Yeah.
Ray: All right. Should I set it to stun?
Debra: No. Here, give it to me.
Ray: Where do you put that?
Debra: You put it in your ear.
Ray: That would have been my third guess.

Quote from Ray

Debra: Honey, look, it's almost 103.
Ray: No! 103.
Debra: Yeah.
Ray: It's a scale. That's what your head weighs. It's not. Come on. Just laugh. A little laugh. Laughter is the best medicine. A priest and a rabbi are leg wrestling.
Debra: Face it, I'm sick, honey.
Ray: This is my one shot with Terry Bradshaw. Can't you walk it off?
Debra: Walk it off?
Ray: That's what my father always told me. That and, "Rub some dirt on it."

Quote from Marie

Marie: [enters] I'm here. Don't worry. Oh, God, look at you, Debra. Ugh.
Debra: Good morning, Marie.

Quote from Ray

Ray: I can't believe how long this is taking. I'm supposed to meet Terry Bradshaw right now. I can't believe this.
Woman: I was up all night cleaning vomit off an antique quilt.
Ray: Okay, it's a bad day for all of us. How old is he? Let me guess, 10 months.
Woman: Yeah.
Ray: He's got a nice-shaped head. Has he still got that soft spot?
Woman: Yeah.
Ray: Always check those when they're born. Make sure that spot goes in. You know, 'cause if it comes out that means they've been tampered with.

Quote from Ray

Terry Bradshaw: Ray Barone?
Ray: Hi, Terry. How are you?
Terry Bradshaw: This is where you want me to meet you?
Ray: Listen, I knew you had a plane to catch, and I really wanted us to get together. And then this thing came up. I thought this place is just as good as long as you don't put anything in your mouth.

Quote from Frank

Frank: Where's the ketchup in this house?
Debra: Oh, my God. What are you doing here?
Frank: Looking for ketchup.
Marie: That's what you're worried about? It's your fault that Debra and the kids are sick.
Frank: What?
Marie: Your friend Leon, with his cheap coats.
Frank: Those coats were very expensive.
Marie: He made everyone sick.
Debra: Please, my head.
Marie: And how about those $9 slacks?
Frank: You loved the color.
Marie: They ripped the first day.
Frank: I didn't read the thing. You're not supposed to sit in them. They're not sit-down slacks.

Quote from Frank

Debra: Please, you are actually killing me.
Marie: See what you're doing to her? Go, go, go, please. She needs her rest.
Frank: She should be up and moving around. She should walk it off.
Marie: You don't know what you're talking about. You and your cheap coats. I know what sick people need. They need rest and peace and quiet.
Debra: All right, I know where the ketchup is. Upper left, refrigerator door. Upper left.
Frank: That's all I needed to know. Feel better, sweetheart.

Quote from Ray

Ray: I just want the kids to get better. That's all. Don't worry. Daddy's here, okay?
Dr. Hammond: Now, that's good. Sometimes I need a little help restraining the children when I examine them.
Ray: Restraining the children? You are a real doctor, right?
Dr. Hammond: How are you feeling, Ally?
Ally: Crummy.
Ray: She upgraded herself. This morning she was icky.
Dr. Hammond: What has she been eating lately?
Ray: Good things. Lots of green stuff. Sometimes hot, and sometimes cold. Debra does that mostly.

Quote from Ray

Dr. Hammond: What about her sleeping habits?
Ray: Oh, that? That, I know. I know that because I read her a book and tuck her in right about 8:00. Well, if I'm not at the game. Working. Working. I'm a sports writer, you know.
Dr. Hammond: That's right. I remember. What I meant was, does she wake up a lot during the night?
Ray: I don't know. I'm a pretty heavy sleeper, you know. It's kind of like that "tree falling in the forest" thing. You know? But I read her the books. And I sing her the duck song, right, honey? Little ducks, big ducks, lots of swinging ducks...
Dr. Hammond: You have a lovely voice. Deep breath. She's been around a lot of children who are sick?
Ray: Yes, in your waiting room. It's like a hot zone out there, I'll tell you.

Quote from Ray

Dr. Hammond: I mean, the children she plays with.
Ray: Well, Debra arranges the play dates, but then I go and pick her up, right? Sometimes.
Ally: When you're home.
Dr. Hammond: You sound like a typical dad.
Ray: No, no. No, I'm a very good dad. Yeah, I go on the road a lot, but when I come home then they're all mine, right? Like, what did we do last week? We went to the video store, we got you your favorite video. That's why they like it when it's Daddy's day. But my wife only lets them watch it once. I'll let them watch that as many times as they want. They love it. It's great. They can sit in front of that thing for hours. Right? We have fun, don't we? And Ally's favorite video? The Little Mermaid.
Ally: No, Beauty and the Beast.
Ray: Right. [chuckles] It's the same thing.

Quote from Ray

Dr. Hammond: Ally seemed to have a touch of the flu. Let's see how little Michael is doing.
Ray: I'm pretty sure that's going to be the same thing, too. They've got the same fever, same sniffles, same crumminess. Believe me, I know these kids.
Dr. Hammond: Mr. Barone, Michael seems fine to me.
Ray: That's impossible.
Dr. Hammond: No, I'm telling you, there's nothing wrong with that child.
Ray: What are you talking about? This morning-
[After Robert enters the examination room holding one of the twins, he and Raymond swap children]

Quote from Frank

Marie: Honey, button up your sweater, and let's close your robe. I don't want you to catch a chill. Is there anything else I can get for you?
Debra: Maybe I'll just go upstairs for a while.
Marie: No, you stay right here. I'll go straighten out the covers.
Debra: No, you don't have to--
Marie: I know. I've been ordering you around a lot today. But when of your own is sick you have to forget about winning a popularity contest.
Frank: You're in no danger.

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