Frank: It's a beautiful place, huh?
Ray: Oh, yeah, yeah, good night.
Frank: I'll tell ya, when your mother told me she'd been hiding that money from me, I was thinking what dress to lay her out in. And now I'm here, in friggin' Italy. It's like a dream. I'm from Lynbrook. I worked my whole life. I never thought I'd be in such a place.
Ray: I was just wondering, could your leg be in another place?
Frank: I happen to be serious.
Ray: All right, okay.
Frank: No, I know I- I complain about stuff and all that, but I'm a lucky man. [emotional] I'm a very lucky man.

Frank: All right, listen up. Your mother wants to... I don't know.
Marie: I said announce me, Frank. What kind of announcing is that?
Frank: Just do it. Everything has to be a big deal.
Marie: You have to ruin everything? Is that why you're here?
Frank: Why don't you jump up a cow's-
Ray: Hey, hey! What?
Frank: We're going to Italy.
Marie: Yeah.
Debra: Forever?

Debra: Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Ray: Yeah, listen, listen, stop dancing, stop. Stop. You understand that this is a vacation with my family, okay? Don't we want a vacation from my family?
Debra: If they're gonna bother me anyway, I'll take bothered in Italy.
Ray: But we were gonna go to the Jersey shore.
Debra: Italy. Free trip to Italy.
Ray: I don't know. I'm not really interested in other cultures.
Debra: Okay, you know, in the past, your dumbness has gotten in the way of just like a few things that I've wanted to do: the book club, theater, having conversations. But I just wanna say this one thing, and we won't have to discuss it anymore: You're not blowing this for me, pal! We're going to Italy!

Marie: Oh, Raymond, I can't believe we're here. These are the Spanish Steps.
Ray: Spanish? I knew we were walking too long.
Marie: La Isla del Corda, according to my book-
Ray: Okay, sorry I asked.
Debra: Okay, come on, we're going up.
Ray: Do we have to, really?
Debra: Ray, this is the Spanish Steps.
Ray: Where's the Spanish Elevator?

Ray: Anyway, so the kids wanna sleep with Grandma and Debra, so I'm gonna sleep here with you, okay?
Frank: No problem. Just don't hog the covers and it'll be an upgrade for me. You getting undressed or what?
Ray: I'll make a deal with you. I'll take something off, you put something on.

Debra: Oh. Oh, this is wonderful. Oh, I love this.
Ray: This is it?
Debra: What, Ray?
Ray: Nothing. Had more room in coach.
Debra: My God, look at this, look at this.
Ray: What?
Debra: Oh my God. I'm gonna cry. Can you believe this?
Ray: It's nice, the water, yeah. That room's kinda small, though, don't you think? I mean, we're gonna be jammed in there with the kids for two weeks. Did you look at the place, really? It's all kind of old. It's just- This is not the ideal vacation for a guy who works like a dog this whole year. It's chilly now. I'm going in. My nose is running here.

Marie: All right, everyone, now we don't have time to dawdle. Oh, we've gotta start sightseeing if we're going to stick to my itinerary. Get up, Frank. Come on, everyone. We're gonna have fun, fun with Grandma. Come on, come on. Whoo, here we go.
Debra: [to Ray] She did pay for the trip.
Ray: And now we pay.

Debra: Hey, sexy!
Ray: What do you want?
Debra: Hey, listen, Rome today. Can you believe it? It's only half an hour away. And Colletta's gonna watch the kids.
Ray: Great. I hate this damn thing. [sneezes] The spray has no pressure. It's like a third-world country. Stupid place.
Debra: Would you lighten up? Look where we are.
Ray: I am looking. I'm taking a bath like Columbus.

Ray: Look at this. Robert gets the gelato girl, and I get hosed down by Mrs. Mussolini.

Ray: Hey, now listen, you've gotta watch yourself, okay? They got one thing on their mind. That's how Italian men are.
Debra: Not all of them.
Ray: Hey, what? What's that supposed to mean? [to the guys] You got nothing better to do but ogle women? Start working on a stand-up shower.