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‘Italy’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Loves Raymond: Italy

501. Italy

Aired October 2, 2000

Marie surprises the family with a trip to Italy, where Ray struggles to enjoy the vacation.

Quote from Frank

Frank: It's a beautiful place, huh?
Ray: Oh, yeah, yeah, good night.
Frank: I'll tell ya, when your mother told me she'd been hiding that money from me, I was thinking what dress to lay her out in. And now I'm here, in friggin' Italy. It's like a dream. I'm from Lynbrook. I worked my whole life. I never thought I'd be in such a place.
Ray: I was just wondering, could your leg be in another place?
Frank: I happen to be serious.
Ray: All right, okay.
Frank: No, I know I- I complain about stuff and all that, but I'm a lucky man. [emotional] I'm a very lucky man.

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Quote from Debra

Frank: All right, listen up. Your mother wants to... I don't know.
Marie: I said announce me, Frank. What kind of announcing is that?
Frank: Just do it. Everything has to be a big deal.
Marie: You have to ruin everything? Is that why you're here?
Frank: Why don't you jump up a cow's-
Ray: Hey, hey! What?
Frank: We're going to Italy.
Marie: Yeah.
Debra: Forever?

Quote from Debra

Debra: Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Ray: Yeah, listen, listen, stop dancing, stop. Stop. You understand that this is a vacation with my family, okay? Don't we want a vacation from my family?
Debra: If they're gonna bother me anyway, I'll take bothered in Italy.
Ray: But we were gonna go to the Jersey shore.
Debra: Italy. Free trip to Italy.
Ray: I don't know. I'm not really interested in other cultures.
Debra: Okay, you know, in the past, your dumbness has gotten in the way of just like a few things that I've wanted to do: the book club, theater, having conversations. But I just wanna say this one thing, and we won't have to discuss it anymore: You're not blowing this for me, pal! We're going to Italy!

Quote from Ray

Marie: Oh, Raymond, I can't believe we're here. These are the Spanish Steps.
Ray: Spanish? I knew we were walking too long.
Marie: La Isla del Corda, according to my book-
Ray: Okay, sorry I asked.
Debra: Okay, come on, we're going up.
Ray: Do we have to, really?
Debra: Ray, this is the Spanish Steps.
Ray: Where's the Spanish Elevator?

Quote from Ray

Ray: Anyway, so the kids wanna sleep with Grandma and Debra, so I'm gonna sleep here with you, okay?
Frank: No problem. Just don't hog the covers and it'll be an upgrade for me. You getting undressed or what?
Ray: I'll make a deal with you. I'll take something off, you put something on.

Quote from Ray

Debra: Oh. Oh, this is wonderful. Oh, I love this.
Ray: This is it?
Debra: What, Ray?
Ray: Nothing. Had more room in coach.
Debra: My God, look at this, look at this.
Ray: What?
Debra: Oh my God. I'm gonna cry. Can you believe this?
Ray: It's nice, the water, yeah. That room's kinda small, though, don't you think? I mean, we're gonna be jammed in there with the kids for two weeks. Did you look at the place, really? It's all kind of old. It's just- This is not the ideal vacation for a guy who works like a dog this whole year. It's chilly now. I'm going in. My nose is running here.

Quote from Ray

Marie: All right, everyone, now we don't have time to dawdle. Oh, we've gotta start sightseeing if we're going to stick to my itinerary. Get up, Frank. Come on, everyone. We're gonna have fun, fun with Grandma. Come on, come on. Whoo, here we go.
Debra: [to Ray] She did pay for the trip.
Ray: And now we pay.

Quote from Ray

Debra: Hey, sexy!
Ray: What do you want?
Debra: Hey, listen, Rome today. Can you believe it? It's only half an hour away. And Colletta's gonna watch the kids.
Ray: Great. I hate this damn thing. [sneezes] The spray has no pressure. It's like a third-world country. Stupid place.
Debra: Would you lighten up? Look where we are.
Ray: I am looking. I'm taking a bath like Columbus.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Look at this. Robert gets the gelato girl, and I get hosed down by Mrs. Mussolini.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Hey, now listen, you've gotta watch yourself, okay? They got one thing on their mind. That's how Italian men are.
Debra: Not all of them.
Ray: Hey, what? What's that supposed to mean? [to the guys] You got nothing better to do but ogle women? Start working on a stand-up shower.

Quote from Frank

Marie: I told you to wear a hat. Why can't you listen to me?
Frank: All right, enough, I'm fine!
Marie: You're fine? You look like the top of a police car. Put some cream on that.
Frank: No!
Marie: Frank, you put some cream on that head right now. You're gonna be in pain later.
Frank: I've been in pain since the wedding!

Quote from Debra

Ray: Hey, what did you do? Feed the ducks or something?
Ally: You wanna feed 'em with us tomorrow?
Ray: Yeah, maybe, we'll see.
Debra: Yeah, yeah, Daddy's very busy, you guys. He really doesn't have time for fun this trip. He has a lot of moping to do, which is quite time consuming.

Quote from Debra

Robert: Hey, Deb.
Debra: You know, I know it's none of my business, but I cannot believe you took that card. Ugh! Why do we even weren't you trying to make it work with Amy? I thought that you were happy with Amy and unhappy with Joanne "the Nutcracker." But you know what? You and Ray do what you want.
Ray: Me?

Quote from Marie

Marie: We are all going to Italy.
Robert: What?
Marie: For two weeks.
Debra: How?
Marie: You see, it is a big deal. As you know, my birthday is coming up, and I have secretly been putting aside money for 45 years, and this is what I want.
Frank: I want half that money. I want all that money. That money's mine!
Marie: Quiet. So I've been in touch with my mother's cousin Colletta, who lives in a little village outside of Rome, and we're invited, and I'm paying the whole family.
Debra: Me too?
Marie: Of course you, dear. You're family! [Debra celebrates]
Robert: Me too?
Marie: Yes, yes, and the kids too everyone.
Robert: Maybe I can tell my lady troubles to the Pope.

Quote from Frank

Frank: You made this?
Aunt Colletta: Of course.
Frank: I married the wrong broad.

Quote from Frank

Giorgio: I speak English little.
Frank: Oh, yeah? Hey, beautiful.
Giorgio: I'm glad you're here. Is better. Not so much... [nagging noises]
Frank: What?
Giorgio: [nagging noises with hand]
Frank: Oh, I get it, yeah... [nagging noises]
Giorgio: Si [both make nagging noises]

Quote from Robert

Ray: Come on, what are you all mopey about?
Robert: I don't know. I can't enjoy myself because of my dilemma.
Ray: It's not a dilemma.
Robert: It is a dilemma, Raymond. You're not the only one with dilemmas. I got Amy, but I keep thinking about Joanne. I can't sort out my feelings. And I'm in the most gorgeous place in the world, and I'm sitting here next to you.

Quote from Marie

Marie: Robby, here's your peach. Raymond, you sure you don't want anything?
Ray: No, I can't taste anything, Ma.
Marie: Don't be sick here.

Quote from Robert

Robert: You know, I called Joanne today.
Ray: What? What, from here? What's wrong with you?
Robert: I hung up when she answered. I couldn't talk to her. Cost me 20 bucks. I'm a loser. It's just that I wanna... [tastes ice cream] Holy Mother of God.
Ray: What?
Robert: This. This- This is... It's as if I've never tasted a peach before. Mmm!
Ray: It's as if you've never been in public before. Would you stop it?

Quote from Ray

Ray: What? What the hell are you doing?
Robert: Ray, it's that thing. It's that thing, you know what Dad always talks about, the thunderbolt.
Ray: Who, the gelato girl?
Robert: Don't call her that.
Ray: What are you talking about? That's what she is. Right, I don't know her long-term goals.

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