Debra: That's why I want to go to counseling. I don't think it's that you're just lazy. I think there's a deeper reason behind this, and if we could just figure it out, you and I could be happier.
Ray: Come on, you know me. There's not much deepness. I just... I like to be taken care of.
Debra: You gotta understand, Ray, that that's not a wife. That's a mother.
Ray: Well, maybe that's what I want!
Frank: Holy crap!

Marie: Come on, stop it, you two.
Frank: I gotta say, the counseling doesn't seem to be working.
Marie: Now, I want you to sit down and let's try to talk this out.
Debra: Marie, I am not sitting down.
Marie: Please, Debra. I may not be a certified therapist, but I've been told by many people that I could be.
Frank: That's not what they mean when they say you're certifiable.

Ray: But I gotta tell you, it's more than just the golf. Debra is like a saint. You can't believe the things she has to put up with. Once, I actually taped a football game over our wedding video.
Debra: Pamela, can I just-
Pamela: Hold on, hold on. Let's let Ray get this out.
Ray: Well, it's probably the worst thing a husband can do, right? All I could think of to fix it was to arrange to have our wedding vows renewed.
Pamela: Aw, that's nice.
Ray: I guess. Actually, I think the whole thing ended with us making love.

Frank: I can't believe you two went to a shrink. He's the one with the problems.
Robert: Let's keep this on Raymond, shall we? Personally, Deb, I think it's about time that a neutral party be brought in to set him straight on just how great he's got it.
Debra: Well, that's not what happened, because the Raymond we all know disappeared as soon as we got there.
Ray: What- What? What are you talking about?
Debra: Oh, you were open and considerate and willing to look at your own faults. You made me sick!

Frank: Sounds to me like you did good, Ray. Name, rank, and serial number. Never open up. Keep the enemy in the dark.
Marie: You're an ignoramus. If anybody ever opened you up, all they'd find is meat.
Frank: No son of mine needs counseling! Except the big one!

Ray: What do you want?
Robert: Aw, nothing. I was just feeling a little guilty over my laughing at your predicament yesterday.
Ray: Well, you know, whatever. Debra and I talked it out. We're fine now.
Robert: That's good, 'cause I was thinking about it, and the truth is it's good that you guys acknowledged that you had a problem and you took the right steps to deal with it. Maybe I should have done that when I was married, huh?
Ray: Hmm. All right, well, thanks. Thanks, man.
Robert: Look, I know you're feeling bad, so I got you something.
[Robert brings in a cardboard cut-out of Marie dressed as a bride]
Robert: Enjoy, you sick bastard.

Ray: I'm tired. I drove the kids to all their crap. I'd like to sit down for a little while.
Debra: Well, me too.
Ray: Come on! Ow! Why do you always do this? Every time we have people over we spend all day making the fake house.
Debra: It's not fake. It's the way the house should be all the time.
Ray: Yes, but it isn't, so actually it's like lying, huh, right? Is that what you're about, lying to people?

Pamela: And just generally speaking, what made you decide to come here today?
Debra: Um, well, this is something that's long overdue.
Pamela: Okay. Well, then, Debra, why don't you start?
Debra: Okay. Um... Well, I just feel that I work very hard to keep the house up and running, and I guess I feel, you know, kind of unappreciated because... [sobs]
Pamela: [passes tissues] Here you go.
Debra: Thank you.
Pamela: Ray, how do you feel about what Debra's expressing?
Ray: Uh... I'm sorry.
Pamela: Okay. Anything else? Ray?
Ray: Oh, still me? Okay. Well, uh... You know, I just want to say that, I mean, I work hard too. And, you know, I come home and I'm tired, and I just... I just... [tries to sob] I'm not gonna be able to cry like that.

Pamela: Ray?
Ray: She's right.
Debra: What?
Ray: She's totally right. Because, well, I've been terribly insensitive with my golf. I think I use golf in an almost passive-aggressive way.
Pamela: Okay.
Ray: But you know what's wrong with me? I know it's a problem, I know I have to change, but the next thing you know, I'm back on the course again.
Pamela: But it sounds like you are willing to look at your behavior, which is a very good start.

Pamela: Okay, now, you two obviously have issues to resolve, but one thing to keep in mind is that having occasional arguments is normal, and it's even healthy. So what we'll do is try to find out the deeper reasons why you argue so that we can begin to change any any particularly harmful behavior. [Ray nods] And one thing that you've got going for you here is an attitude of cooperation. Believe me, some partners have to be dragged into this kicking and screaming.
Debra: Wait a minute, wait a minute-
Ray: Pamela, I'm gonna do whatever it takes to heal this marriage.