Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Counseling’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Loves Raymond: Counseling

702. Counseling

Aired September 23, 2002

Ray and Debra see a therapist after learning that their friends are in marriage counseling.

Quote from Ray

Debra: That's why I want to go to counseling. I don't think it's that you're just lazy. I think there's a deeper reason behind this, and if we could just figure it out, you and I could be happier.
Ray: Come on, you know me. There's not much deepness. I just... I like to be taken care of.
Debra: You gotta understand, Ray, that that's not a wife. That's a mother.
Ray: Well, maybe that's what I want!
Frank: Holy crap!

Rate

Quote from Frank

Marie: Come on, stop it, you two.
Frank: I gotta say, the counseling doesn't seem to be working.
Marie: Now, I want you to sit down and let's try to talk this out.
Debra: Marie, I am not sitting down.
Marie: Please, Debra. I may not be a certified therapist, but I've been told by many people that I could be.
Frank: That's not what they mean when they say you're certifiable.

Quote from Ray

Ray: But I gotta tell you, it's more than just the golf. Debra is like a saint. You can't believe the things she has to put up with. Once, I actually taped a football game over our wedding video.
Debra: Pamela, can I just-
Pamela: Hold on, hold on. Let's let Ray get this out.
Ray: Well, it's probably the worst thing a husband can do, right? All I could think of to fix it was to arrange to have our wedding vows renewed.
Pamela: Aw, that's nice.
Ray: I guess. Actually, I think the whole thing ended with us making love.

Quote from Debra

Frank: I can't believe you two went to a shrink. He's the one with the problems.
Robert: Let's keep this on Raymond, shall we? Personally, Deb, I think it's about time that a neutral party be brought in to set him straight on just how great he's got it.
Debra: Well, that's not what happened, because the Raymond we all know disappeared as soon as we got there.
Ray: What- What? What are you talking about?
Debra: Oh, you were open and considerate and willing to look at your own faults. You made me sick!

Quote from Frank

Frank: Sounds to me like you did good, Ray. Name, rank, and serial number. Never open up. Keep the enemy in the dark.
Marie: You're an ignoramus. If anybody ever opened you up, all they'd find is meat.
Frank: No son of mine needs counseling! Except the big one!

Quote from Robert

Ray: What do you want?
Robert: Aw, nothing. I was just feeling a little guilty over my laughing at your predicament yesterday.
Ray: Well, you know, whatever. Debra and I talked it out. We're fine now.
Robert: That's good, 'cause I was thinking about it, and the truth is it's good that you guys acknowledged that you had a problem and you took the right steps to deal with it. Maybe I should have done that when I was married, huh?
Ray: Hmm. All right, well, thanks. Thanks, man.
Robert: Look, I know you're feeling bad, so I got you something.
[Robert brings in a cardboard cut-out of Marie dressed as a bride]
Robert: Enjoy, you sick bastard.

Quote from Ray

Ray: I'm tired. I drove the kids to all their crap. I'd like to sit down for a little while.
Debra: Well, me too.
Ray: Come on! Ow! Why do you always do this? Every time we have people over we spend all day making the fake house.
Debra: It's not fake. It's the way the house should be all the time.
Ray: Yes, but it isn't, so actually it's like lying, huh, right? Is that what you're about, lying to people?

Quote from Ray

Pamela: And just generally speaking, what made you decide to come here today?
Debra: Um, well, this is something that's long overdue.
Pamela: Okay. Well, then, Debra, why don't you start?
Debra: Okay. Um... Well, I just feel that I work very hard to keep the house up and running, and I guess I feel, you know, kind of unappreciated because... [sobs]
Pamela: [passes tissues] Here you go.
Debra: Thank you.
Pamela: Ray, how do you feel about what Debra's expressing?
Ray: Uh... I'm sorry.
Pamela: Okay. Anything else? Ray?
Ray: Oh, still me? Okay. Well, uh... You know, I just want to say that, I mean, I work hard too. And, you know, I come home and I'm tired, and I just... I just... [tries to sob] I'm not gonna be able to cry like that.

Quote from Ray

Pamela: Ray?
Ray: She's right.
Debra: What?
Ray: She's totally right. Because, well, I've been terribly insensitive with my golf. I think I use golf in an almost passive-aggressive way.
Pamela: Okay.
Ray: But you know what's wrong with me? I know it's a problem, I know I have to change, but the next thing you know, I'm back on the course again.
Pamela: But it sounds like you are willing to look at your behavior, which is a very good start.

Quote from Ray

Pamela: Okay, now, you two obviously have issues to resolve, but one thing to keep in mind is that having occasional arguments is normal, and it's even healthy. So what we'll do is try to find out the deeper reasons why you argue so that we can begin to change any any particularly harmful behavior. [Ray nods] And one thing that you've got going for you here is an attitude of cooperation. Believe me, some partners have to be dragged into this kicking and screaming.
Debra: Wait a minute, wait a minute-
Ray: Pamela, I'm gonna do whatever it takes to heal this marriage.

Quote from Marie

Marie: I happen to be very good at things relating to feelings. I mean, I've been married for 45 years, and if there's one thing I understand, it's how awful a husband can be.

Quote from Marie

Debra: Just to be clear, when I want my home to look nice, is there anything wrong with asking Ray to help me?
Marie: That's certainly valid. And, Raymond, you of all people should know that if you want your house to look nice, Debra needs help.

Quote from Robert

Debra: I think it's getting kind of late, everybody. Ray, you want to go up?
Ray: We should we should call Pamela, right?
Debra: Uh, no, I think some things are better left unexplored.
Ray: Because I'm sick. That's sick what I said.
Debra: No, no. I think you are just lazy.
Ray: You think so? Yeah, I'm a lazy guy.
Robert: Sweet dreams. You want mommy to tuck you in?

Quote from Ray

Debra: Ray, could you get up and help me, please? We gotta shampoo the rug before they come over tonight.
Ray: Shampoo the rug?! It's Bernie and Linda, I'm not even gonna shampoo myself.
Debra: Well, when they pass out from your smell, I want them to land on a clean rug.

Quote from Ray

Debra: Therapist? What, you mean like a marriage counselor?
Linda: Yeah. We've been going for about a month now. We really had to do something. We were starting to fight a lot.
Ray: Huh. Who wants coffee?
Debra: So, is it helping?
Bernie: Oh, you wouldn't believe the difference.
Debra: Really?
Ray: Forget the coffee. How about some drinks, put on some music?
Linda: You know, it's so great to be able to take our fights to a third party.
Bernie: Yeah. Now I've actually won a few. Of course, it's not about winning.
Linda: Pamela's trying to help us understand the deeper reasons why we fight.
Debra: That is so important, because-
Ray: Whoa! Whoops! Dropped a cup. It's my favorite, so how about a moment of silence?

Page 2 

 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode