Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘The Dog’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Loves Raymond: The Dog

119. The Dog

Aired March 3, 1997

After Ray takes in a dog that followed him home, he gives it to Robert, who had a similar dog growing up until they had to give him away.

Quote from Robert

Robert: Hello. You guys have any Maalox or something?
Debra: What's the matter? Did you eat something bad?
Robert: I'm a cop and I live with my parents. I'm on a steady diet of human suffering.

Rate

Quote from Ray

Debra: What are you doing with a dog, Ray?
Ray: He followed me home. You wanna play with him? Go ahead.
Debra: Play with him? Ray, I can't even find one of my own children. Geoffrey.
Ray: That's because they're walking now. I told you all that crawling would lead to no good.

Quote from Debra

Ray: So what do you think? What should we name him?
Debra: Are you kidding me Ray? We can't keep him. Besides he belongs to somebody.
Ray: No. There's no tag no collar. He could've been born in the wild.
Debra: Yeah, those herds of wild bulldogs.
Ray: I thought you liked dogs.
Debra: Ray come on. I love dogs but in case you haven't noticed, the last thing that we need around here
is something else that eats and poops.
Ray: All right, I'll stop doing one of those.

Quote from Robert

Robert: Know who he reminds me of? Shamsky.
Ray: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Shamsky.
Robert: He was a hell of a pooch wasn't he? He used to follow me everywhere. And one day I came home from school, Shamsky wasn't there. Of course, Mom tried to make me feel better. She told me he got hit by a car. But I knew what really happened. Oh, that's okay Raymond. I'm not blaming you. It's not your fault you had allergies.

Quote from Ray

Ray: He wasn't always like that?
Debra: Trust me he wasn't.
Ray: How do you know?
Debra: Because I noticed.
Ray: You noticed? What are you noticing that for? I didn't notice.
Debra: Ray, you don't notice when I get a new pair of earrings... and those are hanging off my face.
Ray: I would notice if your ears were missing.
Debra: God! Those maniacs. Ray, what were they doing over there?
Ray: Oh, my God. It was probably my mother's idea. This is sort of a hobby of hers.

Quote from Ray

Kristi Yamaguchi: Come on in. Do you mind doing the interview in here?
Ray: No. It's just a little weird. I've never been in a women's locker room before. Well, once in seventh grade. The guys pushed me in but that was only for a second. All right. I'll just sit here.
Kristi Yamaguchi: Okay.
Ray: Well, it's been a big deal for female reporters going into male locker rooms. I know how they feel now. Okay. So let's just start. Kristi, Olympic gold medal world championship, the cover of People magazine.... What's next for you? Oh, you have an outie. I would've taken you for an innie.

Quote from Ray

Ray: For the kids, it would be great. A pet.
Debra: Ally already has a hamster. Don't use that.
Ray: A hamster. Come on, you can't play catch with a hamster. You can but the hamster doesn't look forward to it.
Ally: What's that?
Ray: Look sweetie. It's a doggie. Isn't he great?
Ally: He smells.
Ray: She says that about the twins and we keep them.

Quote from Ray

Debra: Ray, you can't be serious. Come on why would you want a dog now?
Ray: Not a dog. This dog. When I was five I had a bulldog just like this guy. My brother got it for his first Communion.
Debra: A bulldog?
Ray: Yeah. It was a personality thing. Robert loved that dog. He named him Shamsky after his favorite ballplayer.
Debra: Art Shamsky.
Ray: Right. Shamsky was great. Once we dressed him in Mom's nightgown with a wig and lipstick. Oh, my mom came home and Dad was dancing with him. [chuckles] Crazy. Shamsky. Then we had to give him away.
Debra: Yeah? Why is that?
Ray: I had allergies. I don't have allergies anymore.

Quote from Robert

Ray: Why don't you take the dog?
Robert: What are you saying? You mean you'd want me to have him?
Ray: Yeah, he likes you. We can't have a dog. We've got a hamster and he's nuts. He likes you.
Robert: No. I'd just be setting myself up for more hurt. You know, every time I get attached to something I just get burned. First dog, my first wife, first lawyer after my first wife....

Quote from Ray

Debra: So this is your dog?
Phyllis: I can't tell you how upset I've been. I left town for a couple of weeks, and came back to find that the gardener had let him out. You know, he's a prize-winning stud.
Ray: I'm surprised he has to work as a gardener.
Debra: The dog, Ray.

Quote from Frank

Marie: Wait till you see these toys I got for that dog.
Frank: I already bought him some today.
Marie: Yeah? Did you get him the chewy phone?
Frank: Those phones are a waste of money. I got him the squeaky hydrant.
Marie: Please. There's no comparison.
Frank: You know nothing about dogs. Look at this. [chews toy] Fun. This is fun.
Marie: Oh, please. Come on. Let go of that. [Frank growls]
Ray: Maybe he needs to go out.

Quote from Marie

Marie: Look at them Frank. It's so sweet to see you two getting along lately. It's like old times. Frank, go get the moving picture camera. The whole family's here.
Frank: Eh, those lights are so damn heavy.
Marie: It's a special occasion. I know where it is. Come on.
Frank: All right. There might still be some film left from when we brought Ray home from the hospital.

Quote from Robert

Robert: That's a good boy, Shamsky.
Ray: You named him Shamsky?
Robert: Actually Shamsky ll.
Ray: Robert the owner came by today.
Robert: What?
Ray: Listen, I don't know what to say.
Robert: The owner?
Ray: Just forget about it. I'm gonna tell her that he ran away or something.
Robert: No. Give him to her. I know what it's like to lose a dog.
Ray: I'm sorry.

Quote from Debra

Debra: Ray, what happened over there?
Ray: What do you mean? I told you.
Debra: This is not the same dog anymore.
Ray: What are you talking about? Of course it's the same dog.
Debra: Look closely, Ray. The other end. Doesn't he look a little lighter to you? Ray, he's been fixed.
Ray: Get out of here. Come on, are you sure?
Debra: Yeah.
Ray: Maybe he's a little... chilly.

Quote from Robert

Debra: Maybe she won't notice.
Ray: Debra, the woman breeds dogs. The subject's gonna come up sooner or later.
Phyllis: [returns] All right, look! I don't know who did it. And I don't care who did it. All I know is that my dog is ruined and someone's gotta pay.
Debra: Phyllis we'll try to explain.
Phyllis: I don't want explanations. I want cash. This dog is worthless now.
Debra: Worthless?
Ray: He's still a delightful companion.
Phyllis: Companion my ass. He was good for one thing and now he's broken.
Robert: Don't talk about him like that.
Ray: Hey, look, I'd like to buy the dog from you. Okay? For my brother.
Robert: No you don't have to.
Ray: No. I want to do this, Robert, okay? This is for both Shamskys. It's the least I can do.

Next Page 


 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  Select another episode