Ray: Look, it's making my life hell, all right?
Robert: Making your life hell? How?
Ray: You dating a younger girl affects other people. Especially older people like the one I'm married to.
Robert: Debra's not old.
Ray: She is when Erica's in the room.
Robert: Yeah, but Debra seemed to like Erica and-
Ray: Yeah, yeah. She did, didn't she? She was pleasant, enjoyable to be around... Let me tell you something, Robert. There's two Debras. That's right. There's the Debra you see that doesn't have a problem with it. Then, when everybody leaves, there's the Debra that I see... Darth Debra.

Ray: Hey, hey, hey. Remember when you broke up with Amy?
Robert: Yeah, she got mad at me and then it was over.
Ray: Over for you! Because you left. I'm just now getting my hearing back!
Robert: Really?
Ray: Yes, yes. And then you bring a 22-year-old around. I'm going to be a lonely, deaf sex-beggar.
Robert: So you're serious? There's two Debras?
Ray: Yep. And neither one of them can cook.

Frank: Erica, what is that heavenly scent you're wearing? Let me guess what it is.
Marie: All right, Frank. We don't sniff the guests.
Frank: I'm having a conversation!
Marie: You're embarrassing yourself!
Frank: And you're embarrassing me! People think I'm with you!
Marie: You want me to leave?
Frank: There's a birthday present.
Marie: Happy birthday, Frank. You are now officially a dirty old man.

Erica: See, that's why I like Robert. Because he doesn't have a problem with my age.
Debra: Yeah, Robert's terrific that way.
Erica: I hope he really is because you see, actually, I'm 19.
Debra: What?! Oh my God! This is insane!
Erica: What do you mean?
Debra: I mean, you're barely out of high school. You are out of high school, aren't you?!
Erica: Well, yeah, for over a year.
Debra: Oh, okay, all right. Sorry. It's just that- My God, you're a teenager!

Erica: I was going to tell you, but I was afraid that you wouldn't go out with me.
Robert: 19!
Ray: [to Debra] That's not right. That's not right.
Erica: Come on, so, instead of a 13-year difference, it's 16, but it's still just a number.
Debra: Wait, wait a minute. 16 years? That would make Robert 35.
Erica: Right.
Debra: [laughs] This is unbelievable!

Debra: Well, I am not threatened by younger women. Why should I be? I happen to be an attractive woman.
Ray: Amen to that.
Debra: I am extremely well-read. I am a good conversationalist.
Ray: Hallelujah.
Debra: m proud of my age and I have never lied about it!
Ray: No reason to.
Debra: Shut up, Ray!
Ray: All right.
Debra: So what is it now? Men have to date women 20 years younger than they are? Ray dies tomorrow, I have to start dating 60-year-olds?
Ray: I won't die tomorrow.
Debra: We'll see.

Debra: That girl was less than half our age.
Robert: All right, all right. Enough with the numbers already. You're killing me!
Ray: Did she really think I was older than you?
Robert: Didn't bat an eye. All right, look. Let's just order, all right? Let's get the pizza with sausage and onions.
Ray: Onions? What time is it? Oh, no. I can't do onions after 8:00.
Robert: No, it's okay. I got the Tums.
Debra: Oh, Tums are good. They have calcium.
Ray: Hey, you know what I hear is good? The Pepcid's good.
Robert: Yeah, that's good. They have the fruit flavor, the chewable. You know, they have nighttime Mylanta now.
Ray: A nighttime Mylanta?
Debra: Really? Is it chalky?
Robert: No, tropical. Beautiful.
Ray: Can you believe this? I have to pee again.

Frank: Hey, the gears are stripped here. You let the kids play with this?
Ray: Yeah, yeah, the kids did that, Dad. It had nothing to do with you plopping your jumbo can in there every night.
Frank: Ah, there we go.
Ray: Yeah, there's a nice gift for me two bushels of nose hair.

Marie: I'm Marie, Robert's mother. Are you two dating?
Robert: Ma?
Erica: We just met last week.
Robert: At Emerson's Savings.
Frank: Wow, open a checking account, get a free girl. I'm going down there.
Erica: Sorry, I was the last one. This one's got a sense of humor.
Frank: Hey, why don't you come to my birthday party Saturday?
Robert: Well?
Frank: Come on, it's my birthday. I get to say who's invited and [looks at Marie] who's not.
Marie: Just say the word, Frank.

Marie: Young women go after older men for one thing she's a golddigger.
Ray: Mom, it's Robert. Come on. What's she after, his vaporizer?