Everybody Loves Raymond - Debra Quote #375
Debra: First of all, it's not a book. It's pieces of construction paper.
Ray: You sound a bit close-minded.
Debra: Hey. Eileen, you have no idea what I have to put up with. When I got married, I didn't just get a husband, I got a whole freak show that set up their tent right across the street. And that- That would be fine, if they stayed there. But every day... Every day, they dump a truckload of their insane family dreck into my lap. How would you like to sit through two people in their 60s fighting over who invented the lawn? The lawn! And then the brother, "I live in an apartment. I don't even have a lawn. Raymond has a lawn." But you can't blame him when you see who the mother is. She has this kind of sick hold on the both of them. And the father's about as disgusting a creature as God has ever dropped onto this planet. So no wonder the kid writes stories! I should be writing stories. My life is a Gothic novel! And until you have lived in that house, with all of them in there with you day after day, week after week, year after friggin' year, you are in no position to judge me!
Quote from Robert
Robert: [clears throat] Uh, if I may... You mentioned, Father Hubley, that I was not included in that book, and that is a very astute observation. And I do believe that my unique position in this... family, as that of an outsider, allows me to view this hodgepodge of life from a rather unique vantage point.
Ray: Top of a beanstalk?
Robert: And I do maintain that if anyone is to blame, Father, for this river of pent-up hostility that runs through this sorry bunch like you-know-what through a we-know-what... that person goes by the name... of Raymond.
Ray: Oh, sit down, you dope.
Robert: He is and always has been the center... the center of attention, the center of affection, he always gets the center chair in the kitchen. And this anger of which you speak, from the rest of these poor souls, stems from his unwillingness to share even the tiniest portion of the spotlight that shines, without end... on him.
Quote from Ray
Eileen: I was really impressed with what Michael wrote about in his book, weren't you?
Debra: Me? Uh, definitely. Oh, definitely. Um, but I do think that his book was... just a story. And, yes, obviously all stories do come from somewhere.
Ray: Well, not all of 'em.
Ray: I was just thinkin' somethin'... I was just thinkin', some stories come from, like... Like those shows you go to where they say, "Give us a location!" And then the audience goes, "An elevator!" And then they say, "What language should we do?" or somethin'. And you yell, "French!" You know, and then they do a hilarious thing right there, you know. "Second floor... croissants!" You know? Yeah. They just... They make that stuff up right there on the spot. Yeah. So that would be one example where some stories do come from.
Eileen: Is- Is that what Michael did?
Ray: Probably not.
Quote from Debra
Debra: And you can't even see what the real problem is here, can you? There's an image that Michael has of us.
Ray: Come on, we're normal. [off Debra's look] Comparatively normal. Watch the news.
Ray: Although I will say, there are times when you seem to yell for no reason, you know? Maybe... Maybe that's what he's pickin' up on.
Debra: I'm pretty sure that most of the leading characters in that story were from the Barone side.
Ray: Yeah, okay, but the loud part, I'm thinkin', is probably you.
Debra: So you're blaming me? You're completely free and clear?
Ray: I'm sorry, but I am not the yeller.
Debra: You are the reason for the yeller!
Ray: Well, you assume that there must be yelling!
Debra: You're damn right there's yell...
Quote from Thank You Notes
Amy: I didn't mean to argue. It's thank-you notes. It's so stupid.
Debra: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Look at me. You were great. Do you hear me? You can't let her get away with anything.
Amy: But she's so upset. I don't want a bad relationship with her. I should go apologize.
Debra: No, no, no, no, no. Hey, listen, that is exactly what she is waiting for, for you to go over there and say you'll write those thank-you notes. You have got to be strong. She is testing you. Trust me, what she just pulled here, that's her big weapon: the guilt bomb. And it doesn't help that all the men in her family are scared to death of her. Whenever she comes up against somebody with a backbone who might actually confront her, she's completely threatened and she gets her claws out. And so she has been allowed to rule this way, unopposed, for decades. Listen, Amy I have been waiting for you. This is a critical time. Even though this is a tough regime to topple, with you in the family, now we have a shot... you and me together, to end all the suffering. Do you hear me? We can do it!
Quote from Fighting In-Laws
Debra: You know what, Ray? It's a private matter. And my parents, unlike yours, don't feel the need to inflict their lives on everybody else.
Ray: Or, maybe they're a little embarrassed, because as it turns out, they're not so perfect.
Debra: Yeah, or maybe they're just trying to work out their problems before their marriage degenerates into a screaming match like your parents. Arguing about how deep a pan is before it's a pot. "If it's three inches, it's a pot! Everybody knows that, Marie!" "If you can't boil an egg in it, it's not a pot, you jackass!"
Ray: Hey, either way, your perfect little Connecticut "Oh, make sure you cut the crust off my cucumber sandwich"-parents are frauds!
Debra: You listen. If my parents lit an orphanage on fire on Christmas Eve, they wouldn't be as bad as your parents!
Quote from Lateness
Ray: Let me tell you something: My father had a system. AlS. When we were kids and we were going on a car trip, he would set a time. "We're leaving 9:00! AlS!"
Ray: "Ass in seat." If anyone's ass was not in their seat at the designated time, that ass was left behind.
Debra: So, in the fall, did you have to set your ass back an hour?