Frank: I told you I still had to tweak it!
Debra: I know, but it has a lot of problems, Frank. I mean, most of the time, I can barely use it.
Marie: Oh, dear. Can we really blame the stove?

Marie: Sweetie, you should know by now you're not a man who can lift things.

Ray: Listen, you beat me by a few strokes, okay? That's only 'cause my back was acting up.
Gianni: Your back. You know why that is? 'Cause your nose throws you off balance.

Ray: All right, look, can you get us a replacement?
Gianni: For this? Yeah. Jump in a time machine and buy one off a Pilgrim.

Debra: I'm sure you'll work it out with him.
Ray: Yeah, we'll see.
Debra: I'm still your friend.
Ray: You're a girl. You know, I guess, uh... I'm gonna be out of commission for a while.
Debra: Don't worry. It's not like Van Gogh lost his paintbrush.

Marie: Frank, if you want to fix something, why don't you go fix our garage door that I've been telling you about for six years?
Frank: I will not do that on principle. It would only prove nagging works.
Marie: Fine. Gianni, when you finish here, can you come look at our garage door?
Frank: You stay away from that. I put 10 years of sweat into this house, and this is my thanks? You hire some outside yahoo when I'm not looking?
Ray: Dad, come on.
Gianni: Excuse me. I may be a yahoo, but I'm a licensed and bonded yahoo. And I'm not some hardware store groupie like a lot of people.
Frank: Are you calling me "a lot of people"?
Ray: Dad, oh- Dad. Calm it- Calm it down, Dad.
Frank: What, you let him talk to me like that?! I'm the grandpa of your freakin' children!

Debra: You know, I'm not sure that that's the only reason I wouldn't exactly recommend Gianni.
Ray: What?
Debra: Well, there's certain things that Gianni kind of... I hate him.
Ray: What are you talking about?
Debra: Not as a person, but as a person in my house.
Ray: What are you saying? He's not doing a good job?
Debra: I'm saying he stinks.
Ray: Like he smells?
Debra: No, he stinks at his job. And by the way, he does smell a little.
Ray: Well, that's a manly smell you get from working with your body. Okay? What do you want, a contractor that smells like a cinnamon bun?

Debra: You know, Gianni should be done by now, and he's not because he's lazy. I mean, half the time, he's on his phone, and he brings his own little TV, and it plays all day. Look at- You see that scuff mark on the floor? He dragged the stove out while he was watching "The Price is Right."
Ray: All right. So I'm sure if you told him that you don't like that game show-
Debra: It's not about the show, Ray! You know, it's been four days, and he said he would have it done in two, tops.
Ray: Okay, so? So it's two extra days.
Debra: Yeah, so I can't use my kitchen because I have no stove!
Ray: Well, okay, but it's not like Van Gogh lost his paintbrush. [off Debra's look] I didn't mean it like that! I just- Hey. By the way, you're the one who picked Gianni.
Debra: Yes, I picked him, and I made a mistake. It won't be the first time I picked the wrong guy.

Marie: Oh my God! You hurt your back! Let me see.
Ray: Ow, ow, ow, ow!
Marie: How are you feeling?
Ray: Doctor said I've got to just stay in bed a couple days.
Frank: Good. We're really going to clean up on this lawsuit.
Ray: Dad, I told you, it's not Gianni's fault.
Frank: Hey, we're going to win this case. I want a Camaro.

Frank: Hey, lunkhead, it's your fault for hiring that clown when you already got me!
Robert: I thought he was a professional.
Frank: He stinks! Look at my little crippled boy!
Ray: Dad!
Frank: He's pathetic. Look at him! That Gianni's a butcher! I'm getting me a Camaro!