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‘Diamonds’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Loves Raymond: Diamonds

116. Diamonds

Aired February 7, 1997

Ray is alarmed when he learns that the wedding ring he gave Debra is a fake.

Quote from Frank

Ray: Ma, I need construction paper. Ally's making valentines for school.
Marie: Oh, I used to love Valentine's Day. Then I met your father.
Frank: I used to love every day.

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Quote from Debra

Ray: Hey, look at all these valentines. Where's Daddy's?
Ally: You gotta get yours from Mommy.
Ray: I've been trying to get mine from her for...
Debra: All right. I got your valentine right here. I love you.
Ray: I love you? A little wine with lunch?
Debra: Well, tomorrow's Valentine's Day. Hey, Sweetie, did you know that Daddy asked me to marry him on Valentine's Day?
Ally: What did you say?
Debra: Well, I thought about it, but I said "yes" anyway.

Quote from Marie

Marie: Hey, wait a minute. Didn't you buy my engagement ring from Leon?
Frank: Relax. He assured me it's a one-of-a-kind, flawless diamond.
Robert: That's a fake.
Marie: It's a fake?
Ray: Hey, how do you know that's a fake?
Robert: Because I have 300 more exactly like them down at the station.
Marie: I want another ring, Frank.
Frank: You lived 40 years with that one, you can live another 10.
Marie: I don't think so, Frank. I'm going shopping. You'll be amazed at your generosity.

Quote from Amy

Debra: Amy, help me look.
Amy: I just came by- What are we looking for?
Debra: My engagement ring.
Amy: I might not be the best person to help. I've spent the last 10 years looking for an engagement ring.

Quote from Debra

Debra: It couldn't have just disappeared. I mean...
Amy: Well, you know what they say, "It'll be the last place you look."
Debra: Of course it'll be the last place I look because once I find it, I won't have to look for it anymore. I'm sorry, I'm just a little...
Amy: Bitchy?
Debra: Yeah.

Quote from Amy

Amy: It's a tie. See the pattern? I picked it out just for you. Little guns.
Robert: Smith & Wesson 686, with a two-pound trigger pull. Standard police issue. I love it.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Hey, thanks for that interview, Barry.
Barry Bonds: No problem. Excuse me, do you have change for the phone?
Ray: Sure, yeah. What, do you need me to break a million?
Barry Bonds: Come on. What's with you reporters always getting on me about my salary?
Ray: It's funny, calling $7 million a salary.
Barry Bonds: What do you make?
Ray: Well, I think that's kind of personal.
Barry Bonds: Exactly.
Ray: Yeah, but what you make is news, because it's so gigantic.
Barry Bonds: All right, what do you make, really? About, say, $50,000 a year?
Ray: Yeah, about that.
Barry Bonds: Okay, that's two columns a week, about eight columns a month. About $500 a column.
Ray: It is?
Barry Bonds: Yeah, it's $1 a word. For every little word like "the" and "a". If you hit the letter "a," it's $1.
Ray: I guess I'm doing all right then.
Barry Bonds: You see?
Ray: Yeah.
Barry Bonds: Oh, can I borrow a quarter for the phone?
Ray: Here, take two.

Quote from Ray

Robert: Anybody see today's paper?
Ray: Why? What's up?
Robert: I'm in it.
Ray: "Large male seeks any woman."
Robert: I discontinued my ad. And I happen to have a girlfriend now, thank you very much. It's in the Metro section.

Quote from Robert

Robert: It's in the Metro section.
Marie: Let me see. Here you are.
Robert: Do you see who's at the other end of those handcuffs?
Marie: My God. Leon. Look, Frank, your friend, Leon.
Frank: You arrested Leon? My Leon?
Robert: Technically, now the State of New York's Leon.
Frank: I've known this guy 40 years. Since when is it a crime to sell merchandise at far below wholesale prices?
Robert: Yeah, you should've seen his warehouse. Fake designer luggage, imitation jewelry, "Macin-tush" computers. [chuckles]

Quote from Frank

Ray: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Frank: What? What?
Ray: Debra's ring is from Leon, too.
Robert: You went to Leon?
Ray: I listened to him. I was just trying to get more for my money. I wanted to get Debra a ring that she could show her mother. And Leon threw in a set of golf clubs.
Frank: I got snow tires.

Quote from Ray

Ray: What did I do? I can't have Debra think I didn't care enough about her to go to a real jeweler. She's wearing glass!
Robert: It's not glass. It's glassette.
Ray: I gotta do what's right. I gotta replace her stone with another one. A real one. I'll spend $1,000 if I have to, that's all, $2,000.
Frank: $2,000 for a diamond? Hey, I know another guy...
Ray: No more guys.
Robert: You're just gonna have to tell your wife you purchased her a discount engagement ring from a crook.
Ray: I can't let her find out. She's going to think I'm a slimeball. I'll have to steal it from her.

Quote from Robert

Robert: Well, I've been out with Amy on four dates now. Am I obligated to get her something for Valentine's Day?
Debra: Well, if it helps you, she's getting you something.
Robert: That doesn't help me.
Debra: No.
Robert: You know what her favorite color is?
Debra: Uh, it's green, I think.
Robert: Green? Good. What does she weigh?
Debra: Uh, I don't know. But you know what? Most women like jewelry.
Robert: Yeah, jewelry's a great gift. Isn't it, Raymond?
Debra: Yeah, you really can't go wrong with jewelry.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Hi. Want to play Baker in the Mineshaft?
Debra: Okay. But I get to be the baker this time.

Quote from Robert

Robert: Hope you like it.
Amy: Oh, my.
Robert: Surprise. It's an iguana.
Amy: You know, with an iguana, you really don't have to say "surprise."
Robert: Yeah. Well, Debra told me that green was your favorite color and, you know, the iguanas are the most loyal of all the reptiles, and... Check him out. [Amy screams] He's a lovely guy. He's very, very docile.
Debra: [enters] Did you find my ring? Oh, just a lizard.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Here you go. Happy, you know.
Debra: [sobs] These are beautiful.
Ray: I cried, too. Roses are twice as much on Valentine's Day.

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