Marie: Just answer the question. Would you take me in?
Ray: I'm not answering that question.
Ray: It's an unofficial question, Ma.
Marie: I'm all alone. Where do I go?
Frank: Wait a minute. What happened to me?
Marie: You passed away.
Frank: What? I died? How did I die?
Marie: We'll see.

Frank: You got TV yet?
Ray: No. You?
Frank: I can't stand it. Without cable, I got nothing to live for over there.
Marie: He's driving me crazy. It's like someone went into the ape cage and took out the tire swing. Why can't we just talk to each other?
Debra: That's exactly what I've been saying.
Marie: We haven't had a conversation in 35 years.
Frank: I didn't want to interrupt.

Robert: The cable's out.
Debra: It's in the Bible, next comes locusts.
Robert: I'll tell you, it's a cop's worst nightmare. Cable goes out, people get edgy. Thank God this isn't the summer. You take away a man's TV during the heat wave, well, you might as well pack up the canned goods and just head for the basement.

Debra: Game? That's a very good idea, Marie. It's about time we did something together as a family for once.
Ray: You really want to play, like, a board game?
Frank: I don't like games. Follow the rules, pay attention, wait your turn... It's just like work, dressed up like play.

Robert: This question's for Raymond. "Someone has taken your umbrella out of the cloakroom. It's a rainy day, and there's another one sitting there. Do you take it?"
Ray: No. I would not take someone's umbrella.
Robert: I wish to challenge you.
Ray: Challenge?
Robert: Challenge. It's right here in the rules. Oh, that's right. You didn't want to hear the rules. Challenge. I get 20 seconds to convince everybody that you're not telling the truth and then you get 20 seconds to lie some more. And then we vote.
Ray: Why would I lie?
Robert: Why would you lie? I recall a rainy day. 1967. I was on my way to school and Mom yelled, "Robbie, don't forget your rubber boots." But those boots were nowhere to be found. You know why, Raymond?
Ray: I didn't touch your boots.
Robert: When I showed up to school, the kids called me "Sasquish." Because of your thievery, I was humiliated. Victimized. I felt that from that day forward, I would do whatever I had to to fight crime. And so today, I am a police officer.

Frank: [on the phone] You cable people stink. And I'll tell you something else. However long the cable is out, I'm going to take twice that much off my bill. You lousy crooks! [hangs up] That was the first nice lady I've spoken to up there.

Marie: This question is for Ray.
Robert: Sure it is.
Marie: "Your elderly mother lives all by herself and asks if she can move in with you. Do you agree?"
Ray: Um... What?
Marie: "Your elderly mother lives all by herself and asks if she can move in with you. Do you agree?"
Frank: Wait a minute. Let me see that card.
Marie: No, don't, Frank. Stop! Wait, Frank! Come on! No! Robbie! Stop it! No! Come on!
Ray: "A coworker has bad breath. Do you tell her?"
Debra: Marie!
Ray: You made up a question?
Robert: Well, now we know where Raymond gets his dishonesty.
Frank: Am I the only one with principles?

Marie: So do you take me in?
Debra: You know, I don't think this is really the time. Right, Ray?
Robert: What about me?
Marie: What about you, dear?
Robert: Why can't you live with me when Dad dies?
Frank: Excuse me. I'm still here! I'm still in the room!
Marie: This is hypothetical, Robbie. For this question, let's just say I only have one son.
Robert: Well, what else is new?

Ray: Michael still up?
Debra: Yep. He's going to be a mess tomorrow.
Ray: Yeah, but what does he have tomorrow? "Let's see, I got a crayon up my nose at 11:00."And at 1:30, Geoffrey and I got to run around the house naked, yelling: "Ladle, ladle, ladle!"

Robert: So, who wants to rent a movie tonight?
Frank: Hey, that's not a bad idea. It's not TV, but at least you got the TV going.
Robert: There you go.
Marie: You know what I wouldn't mind seeing again? Beaches.
Frank: I would mind that. I would mind that very much.