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‘The Letter’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Loves Raymond: The Letter

211. The Letter

Aired December 8, 1997

After Marie gatecrashes Debra's Tupperware party, Debra can't stay silent any more and decides to draft a letter.

Quote from Frank

Marie: We have no secrets in this family. Keep reading, Frank.
Frank: With pleasure. "Just because we are family, and happen also to be neighbors does not give you the right to constantly interfere in every aspect of my life..." [Frank laughs, covers it with a cough] "...from raising my children to my choice of liquid fabric softener."
Ray: I want you guys to know right now that Debra has a drinking problem.
Marie: Keep reading.
Ray: Come on, Dad.
Frank: Stop it. "I'm sure you don't even realize when you're being overbearing, critical, and intrusive." ls this a petition? Where do I sign?

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Quote from Debra

Debra: Ray, I can't keep blaming her for everything if I've never been honest with her and I have never actually told her how she makes me feel when she does the things she does.
Ray: But you don't put that in writing! Oh, no, no! If it's in writing, then you can't deny it! You can't say things like: "You didn't hear me right," or, "l didn't say that. You must have misunderstood" because there it is in writing!
Debra: You know, if it were up to you, you'd have me do nothing.
Ray: Hey, let's not underestimate nothing.
Debra: Ray, I'm not spending the rest of my life this way with your mother saying she's sorry that you ever married me.
Ray: What? She's never said that!
Debra: She doesn't have to say it to say it. Everything she does says it.
Ray: Like what?
Debra: Like when she rewashes the kids' clothes.
Ray: Okay.
Debra: And then she rewashes the kids.
Ray: Look, all that stuff my mom does, that's how she helps.
Debra: No, no, Ray. That's how she criticizes. Only good can come from this letter, and I'm doing it.

Quote from Frank

Debra: Hey. Did you guys happen to get the...
Robert: Mail? Oh, yeah.
Debra: Ray, did everybody read that?
Frank: You're my favorite writer.

Quote from Marie

Marie: I have always known that you felt that way about me. You think I'm all those things? Well, maybe I wouldn't be that way if I was welcome in your house.
Debra: But, Marie, don't you see? You're over all the time. You don't give me a chance to welcome you.
Marie: Well, I... [stutters] Okay. Maybe I am those things sometimes. But that's just because that's my way of trying to make us a family. [sobs] That's all I ever want.
Debra: [sobs] That is all I want, too is for us to be a family, a real family.
Marie: Well, I always thought that you didn't like my being in your family.
Debra: I thought you didn't like me being in your family.
Marie: Why would you say that?
Debra: Well, you know when you bring food over to the house?
Marie: I do it because I care.
Debra: No, but see, I feel like that's a criticism. You know, like you're saying I'm not as good as you.
Marie: You don't have to be as good as me. I love you for what you are.
Debra: I love you, too!

Quote from Marie

Debra: See, Ray? That letter actually made your mother and I closer.
Ray: I told you not to send it.
Debra: You don't understand. We had to have that blowout, to get past it. Now that we did the letter, and it's behind us, we can move on.
[meanwhile:]
Marie: Frank, what's Debra's letter doing in the garbage?
Frank: You read it already.
Marie: You don't throw this away. Not ever. [puts it in a drawer] Not ever. [locks the drawer]

Quote from Ray

Frank: "Dear Marie. This letter has been a long time coming."
Marie: Oh, it must be a thank-you note.
Frank: Oh, yeah? [chuckles]
Ray: Dad, give it to me.
Marie: No, no, no, no. What does it say?
Frank: "For eight years now, I've held my tongue and never told you how hurtful and destructive your behavior can sometimes be."
Robert: Oh, My God.
Ray: I have to go.
Marie: Sit. Sit down.
Ray: Look, Ma, this is between you and Debra. You should go over there and read that yourself, and let me out.

Quote from Ray

Ray: A couple of the guys might be coming over to watch the fight. Maybe. Might be.
Debra: Ray, I have been planning this Tupperware party for weeks.
Ray: Look, the fight's only tonight. I mean, come on, you can get plastic jugs any time.
Helen: That's not a jug. That's our innovative Pick-A-Deli. Its easy lift-up strainer lets you select a pickle without getting your fingers wet.
Ray: We've been living like animals!

Quote from Marie

Marie: All right, I've heard enough.
Ray: Mom.
Marie: "Dear Debra."
Ray: Oh, Ma, not another letter, please.
Marie: I'm intrusive? Debra's not the only one who can throw around fancy words. Where's my dictionary?

Quote from Marie

Marie: Raymond, I got your crab and artichoke dip for your sports thing. Oh, my, what's all this?
Ray: Big Tupperware party.
Marie: Tupperware? Debra's giving a Tupperware party? Oh, I didn't know anything about this.
Debra: Ray, I told you to invite your mother. Did you forget?
Ray: ... Yes, I did.
Debra: Sorry, Marie. Listen, just have a seat. I'll get you a soda.
Marie: Okay.
Debra: We're playing a game. You have to think of your favorite barnyard animal.
Marie: Okay. Oh, I like that movie Babe, with the talking pig. I'll be that. What do you think, Debra?
Debra: I'm gonna get the sodas.

Quote from Marie

Linda: So Bernie says to me, "All right, I'm gonna get the curtain rods for the bay windows." What, you think he measures it first? No. He says to me: "l can eyeball it."
Amy: Why don't men ever want to measure anything?
Linda: Why do you think? [all laugh]
Marie: Why?
Lois: Anyway, I gotta tell you he had to go back to that hardware store 12 times.
Marie: Twelve times to buy curtain rods? [chuckles] Maybe Bernie's fooling around.
Linda: [to Debra] I have to use your phone.

Quote from Amy

Helen: Okay, for more free Tupperware, it's time to play Guess Whose Nighty? Did everybody put their nighty in the bag?
Marie: No, I didn't bring one. I wasn't told about the party.
Helen: Well, why don't you pick first?
Marie: Okay.
Woman: I guess Amy.
Marie: Amy? No.
Amy: Hell, I never wear it. Actually, I bought it special for this game. Really. Robert's never seen it. I'm sorry.

Quote from Frank

Andy: Good night, ladies. Anybody need a ride?
Marie: Oh, what's your hurry? Stay a while. I made my special dip.
Debra: Ray.
Ray: No, Ma, we've eaten already. Really.
Marie: But what about all this food that Debra made, that nobody touched? What are these? Sandwiches?
Gianni: Mrs. Barone, I don't know what's in this dip, but if you weren't married...
Frank: Take her. I'll throw in the dip.

Quote from Frank

Robert: Amy, what is this doing here? Did Ma see this?
Frank: Holy crap! It's a whole bag of nighties.
Debra: No, Frank, that's- It's for a game.
Frank: I'm in!

Quote from Marie

Debra: God, this not what I wanted!
Marie: Of course it isn't, dear. Nobody wants to give a bad party.

Quote from Frank

Frank: What do you get of mine?
Ray: You know, I don't know, just junk mail.
Frank: Like what?
Ray: Whatever. Flyers and coupons.
Frank: Where are they?
Ray: I threw them out.
Frank: You threw out coupons? That's money!
Ray: Look, all I'm saying is that you might get some of my mail.
Marie: Well, how much were the coupons for?
Ray: I don't know!

Quote from Marie

Frank: Jeezaloo! Did you get the one for carpet cleaning?
Ray: I don't know. Maybe.
Frank: That's a $10 coupon! I was looking for that!
Ray: Dad, I'll give you $20 if you stop talking about this.
Frank: You think I won't take it. I'll take it!
Ray: I'll give it to you.
Frank: It'll teach you a lesson.
Marie: You're not taking his money.
Frank: I'm gonna take it. Because how else is he going to learn? He's gotta stop throwing out people's mail!
Marie: But that's not how you do it. If you wanna teach him a lesson, you make him clean the carpet himself. That he'll remember.

Quote from Frank

Frank: ls that the mail?
Ray: I'll get it for you, Dad.
Frank: Hands off, sticky fingers. Crap. Crap. Crap. Coupon! Here's one that made it through. Marie, do we need our chimney swept?
Marie: No.
Frank: Here, this is for your collection.

Quote from Frank

Marie: This is odd. It's from Debra.
Ray: You know what that is? That's the invitation to the Tupperware party. But you already went and had a good time.
Marie: No, that's not an invitation. That's a letter.
Ray: It's an invitation. It's got a lot of pages like this because it has directions to our house. [Frank takes the letter] Dad!
Frank: This is your mother's mail. What is wrong with you?

Quote from Robert

Marie: Hello, Debra.
Debra: Hello, Marie.
Marie: I got your special delivery.
Debra: Marie, I'm sorry. It was a mistake to send that letter.
Ray: Now? You say that now? I've got to tell you, your timing sucks.
Debra: I should have just talked to you face-to-face.
Marie: Go ahead.
Ray: [whines]
Robert: I've dealt with my fair share of domestic disputes and everyone should know that this is a high-risk...
Marie: Eat your waffles, Robbie.
Robert: All right.

Quote from Frank

Debra: Look, Marie, I'm sorry that the letter upset you. When I wrote it, I was very angry...
Ray: And drunk.
Debra: It's just that sometimes you're very hard to talk to and so I thought I could say it better in a letter.
Marie: I think you said it very clearly, Debra. You think, among other things, that I'm intrusive, critical...
Frank: Overbearing.

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