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‘Just a Formality’ Quotes

Everybody Loves Raymond: Just a Formality

714. Just a Formality

Aired February 3, 2003

After Robert decides to propose to Amy, he visits her parents, Hank (Fred Willard) and Pat (Georgia Engel), in Pennsylvania to ask for their blessing.

Quote from Debra

Debra: Who cares about her family?
Marie: Excuse me, when you marry a person, you also marry the family.
Debra: I've heard.

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Quote from Hank

Pat: Would you like some warm cider?
Robert: Oh, no. No, thank you. I don't want to take up too much of your time. Anyway... Um... The reason that I'm here... [takes deep breath] I've been thinking a lot about Amy, and she means the world to me. In fact, that's why I'm here. I wanna do things right. A- A- And out of respect for her and you, I would like to formally request your daughter's hand in marriage.
Hank: No.
Robert: What?
Hank: No.
Robert: No?!
Hank: We don't think it's a very good idea.
Pat: It's nice to see you again, though. You probably have a long drive back. I'll put some cider in a cup for you.

Quote from Pat

Robert: Ahem. I'm sorry, but you know... I don't understand.
Hank: Well, Robert, you just don't seem to have the stability we'd prefer in a husband for our Amy.
Robert: Well, look, we've had our ups and downs, but- But...
Pat: It's just that over the years, Robert, there have been so many times when Amy was very unhappy.
Peter: You don't know the half of it, Mama. So often she would come into the store and curl up in the used comics section and cry like Little Lotta.
Pat: Oh my. So you could see, Robert, I think any parent would not want their daughter to have a life of... you.

Quote from Hank

Robert: But I'm- I'm different now. I- I feel-
Hank: Robert, I'm the kind of fellow who loves a good discussion. Ask anybody. I'm that kind of guy. But this is not open for discussion. Okay?
Peter: I'll show him the door.
Robert: Wait. Wait. Just... Uh... Let me... Okay, so what you're saying is, I can't marry your daughter?
Hank: That's correct. But thanks for asking.

Quote from Robert

Police Officer #1: Which one of you is Amy MacDougall?
Debra: Uh, she-she is.
Police Officer #2: Please step back, ma'am.
Debra: Okay.
Police Officer #1: Amy MacDougall, you have the right to remain single! Anything you say may be used against you in a Church of God. If you do not have a husband, one may be provided for you. Do you understand these rights as I have read them to you?
Amy: Huh?
Police Officer #1: She doesn't get it.
Police Officer #2: All right. Who's gonna cuff her?
Robert: Hi, Amy. I love you, Amy. Will you marry me?
Amy: Huh?
Robert: I love you. Will you marry me?
Amy: But Robert we- We never even talked about- What's happening?
Robert: I'm ready to be happy.
Amy: I am too.
Debra: Is that a yes?
Amy: Huh? Oh, hi! Yes!

Quote from Peter

Peter: No, Mama, I'm sorry. I have tried to keep certain details from you, but now you have to know. Isn't it true, Lieutenant Baro-nay, that while you were seeing Amy, you were also seeing two other women?
Pat: What?
Robert: No, no! That was just like for a minute. You see, the first girl I met was when I went to Italy, and it was really just an international mix-up. And- And then the other girl was my ex-wife, which...
Hank: Ex-wife?
Pat: Oh my. You're divorced?
peter: She was a stripper, wasn't she?
Robert: No, not at all. She- She was a dancer of the exotic tradition.
Peter: You know what, why don't we just cut to the chase here so you can be on your way, okay? Robert took Amy's virginity.
Pat: Oh.
Hank: What? What? [covers the Jesus jigsaw puzzle]

Quote from Ray

Ray: Listen, really. That's nobody's business.
Peter: Her virginity, Mama. Her virginity!
Pat: Stop saying it!
Hank: This is a terrible evening.
Pat: I don't feel well.
Robert: W- W- Wait, please, if you would.
Ray: Listen, Robert's not really that kind of guy. If anything, I remember he was afraid to touch your daughter. She was the one who wanted it! [Pat stumbles]
Robert: Are you out of your mind?!
Ray: I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm doin'. I'm in Pennsylvania!

Quote from Ray

Ray: [points to their Jesus jigsaw puzzle] Hey, isn't he the guy who sells tie-dyed shirts at the beach? [Robert shakes his head] That was just a joke. That's... I... He's great. I have His book.

Quote from Robert

Robert: Um... Anyway, um... Raymond is married. He has children.
Ray: Yes, I do, Robert.
Robert: Good, good family. God-fearing, right? Church every Sunday. All of us. God-fearing people. We're scared to death.

Quote from Hank

Hank: Oh look, honey, I found another piece of Jesus's beard.
Pat: Oh, good. Put that in the pile. I'm still working on the sandals.

Quote from Peter

Pat: Oh, Peter. Robert, have you met Amy's brother, Peter?
Peter: No. We've never had the pleasure. I met his brother, Raymond, once. He came into my comic-book store. I liked him.
Robert: Oh, it's a pleasure to meet you, Peter. I've heard a lot of great things about you. [Robert offers his hand, but Peter doesn't shake it]
Pat: Is that a new shirt?
Peter: Yes, it is, Mama. Do you like it?
Pat: Very much. You look handsome.
Peter: Thank you, Mama.

Quote from Marie

Marie: Robbie, you're out late tonight. Where were you?
Robert: Uh, nowhere, Ma. I was just out. Raymond, do you have a minute? Could I...
Ray: What?
Marie: Something is wrong. What is it? Is it something with Amy? [off Robert's look] I knew it! That's the look you have every time you break up with her!
Debra: Oh, Robert, not again?!
Marie: You broke up with Amy. You know that you're killing me, Robbie?! Do you even care that you're killing me?!
Robert: Ma!
Marie: Dig a grave and throw me in!
Frank: I've got a shovel.

Quote from Robert

Robert: Listen, Ma. I said I want to marry Amy. But I went to ask her parents first, and that's where I was tonight.
Marie: Oh, how are her parents? I'm sure they're very nice.
Robert: They are very nice, and they very nicely said no.
Debra: What?!
Ray: What do you mean no?!
Marie: I don't understand. How could they say that?
Frank: I could see that.
Marie: Stop it, Frank. This is an outrage!

Quote from Ray

Ray: Why'd you go to her parents?
Robert: It was just a formality. I never thought they'd say no. And her brother, Peter, he hates me.
Ray: Oh, I meet that guy once. He's like a psycho nut-job.
Robert: Yeah? He's fond of you.
Ray: Yeah? What'd he say?

Quote from Amy

Robert: Don't you want to put this on?
Amy: Oh, it's beautiful. I just love you so much. I'm getting married! To you! Robert and I are getting married. There's going to be a marriage, and I will be the wife. A bride! With a dress! Thanks for marrying me!
Robert: My pleasure.
Amy: Can you do one thing for me?
Robert: For you, I'll do two things.
Amy: I know it sounds queer, but it's important. Can you ask my father for my hand? It would mean so much to them.
Robert: No problem.

Quote from Hank

Hank: Well, there we are. Is that not our Lord in all His glory, or what?
Pat: It is a glorious puzzle.

Quote from Robert

Robert: Hello, Mrs. MacDougall, Mr. MacDougall.
Hank: Give me strength.
Robert: Now, before you say anything, I would like you to meet someone who I believe will make you feel a heck of a lot better about me. Because you will see the type of person with whom I associate with. This is an award-winning journalist, a wholesome family man, a-a-and one of Lynbrook, Long Island's, most exemplary citizens.
Ray: How ya doin'? I'm his brother.
Pat: Hello. I've heard a lot of nice things about you. Please, come in.
Robert: Okay, we're in! It's a lovely home, isn't it?
Ray: It is lovely.
Robert: Pennsylvania.
Pat: Let me get you some warm cider, um...
Robert: Raymond. Ray Barone, sportswriter. Newsday newspaper. Prize winner. Won a prize!
Pat: I'll get the cider.

Quote from Marie

Frank: Better head for the hills, Robert. The womenfolk are tying the noose up pretty tight.
Robert: Could we go talk for a couple minutes?
Amy: Sure.
Marie: Robbie, I found a place that can make you a tuxedo. They do the circus.

Quote from Amy

Robert: Listen, Amy, I went to your parents' house.
Amy: You did? Did you ask them? Oh, they must've been so thrilled.
Robert: Your mother couldn't stop crying. Listen, Amy. They said no.
Amy: What?
Robert: They don't approve of me, of my past. They said no to me.
Amy: What?! Really?!
Robert: Amy, they love you, and they want what's best for you, and I understand that. So I'm sorry.
Amy: Well, wait a minute. Wait a minute. I want to get married! And we can fix this! I know we can. My parents will learn to love you the way your parents love you.
Robert: Great.
Amy: I know. I'll talk to my brother, Peter. He'll help us.

Quote from Peter

Peter: Well, we should do this again sometime. But now, if you'll excuse me, Miss Puss and I have some cocoa on the stove.


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