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Just a Formality

‘Just a Formality’

Season 7, Episode 14 -  Aired February 3, 2003

After Robert decides to propose to Amy, he visits her parents, Hank (Fred Willard) and Pat (Georgia Engel), in Pennsylvania to ask for their blessing.

Quote from Debra

Debra: Who cares about her family?
Marie: Excuse me, when you marry a person, you also marry the family.
Debra: I've heard.


Quote from Hank

Pat: Would you like some warm cider?
Robert: Oh, no. No, thank you. I don't want to take up too much of your time. Anyway... Um... The reason that I'm here... [takes deep breath] I've been thinking a lot about Amy, and she means the world to me. In fact, that's why I'm here. I wanna do things right. A- A- And out of respect for her and you, I would like to formally request your daughter's hand in marriage.
Hank: No.
Robert: What?
Hank: No.
Robert: No?!
Hank: We don't think it's a very good idea.
Pat: It's nice to see you again, though. You probably have a long drive back. I'll put some cider in a cup for you.

Quote from Pat

Robert: Ahem. I'm sorry, but you know... I don't understand.
Hank: Well, Robert, you just don't seem to have the stability we'd prefer in a husband for our Amy.
Robert: Well, look, we've had our ups and downs, but- But...
Pat: It's just that over the years, Robert, there have been so many times when Amy was very unhappy.
Peter: You don't know the half of it, Mama. So often she would come into the store and curl up in the used comics section and cry like Little Lotta.
Pat: Oh my. So you could see, Robert, I think any parent would not want their daughter to have a life of... you.

Quote from Hank

Robert: But I'm- I'm different now. I- I feel-
Hank: Robert, I'm the kind of fellow who loves a good discussion. Ask anybody. I'm that kind of guy. But this is not open for discussion. Okay?
Peter: I'll show him the door.
Robert: Wait. Wait. Just... Uh... Let me... Okay, so what you're saying is, I can't marry your daughter?
Hank: That's correct. But thanks for asking.

Quote from Robert

Police Officer #1: Which one of you is Amy MacDougall?
Debra: Uh, she-she is.
Police Officer #2: Please step back, ma'am.
Debra: Okay.
Police Officer #1: Amy MacDougall, you have the right to remain single! Anything you say may be used against you in a Church of God. If you do not have a husband, one may be provided for you. Do you understand these rights as I have read them to you?
Amy: Huh?
Police Officer #1: She doesn't get it.
Police Officer #2: All right. Who's gonna cuff her?
Robert: Hi, Amy. I love you, Amy. Will you marry me?
Amy: Huh?
Robert: I love you. Will you marry me?
Amy: But Robert we- We never even talked about- What's happening?
Robert: I'm ready to be happy.
Amy: I am too.
Debra: Is that a yes?
Amy: Huh? Oh, hi! Yes!

Quote from Peter

Peter: No, Mama, I'm sorry. I have tried to keep certain details from you, but now you have to know. Isn't it true, Lieutenant Baro-nay, that while you were seeing Amy, you were also seeing two other women?
Pat: What?
Robert: No, no! That was just like for a minute. You see, the first girl I met was when I went to Italy, and it was really just an international mix-up. And- And then the other girl was my ex-wife, which...
Hank: Ex-wife?
Pat: Oh my. You're divorced?
Peter: She was a stripper, wasn't she?
Robert: No, not at all. She- She was a dancer of the exotic tradition.
Peter: You know what, why don't we just cut to the chase here so you can be on your way, okay? Robert took Amy's virginity.
Pat: Oh.
Hank: What? What? [covers the Jesus jigsaw puzzle]

Quote from Ray

Ray: Listen, really. That's nobody's business.
Peter: Her virginity, Mama. Her virginity!
Pat: Stop saying it!
Hank: This is a terrible evening.
Pat: I don't feel well.
Robert: W- W- Wait, please, if you would.
Ray: Listen, Robert's not really that kind of guy. If anything, I remember he was afraid to touch your daughter. She was the one who wanted it! [Pat stumbles]
Robert: Are you out of your mind?!
Ray: I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm doin'. I'm in Pennsylvania!

Quote from Ray

Ray: [points to their Jesus jigsaw puzzle] Hey, isn't he the guy who sells tie-dyed shirts at the beach? [Robert shakes his head] That was just a joke. That's... I... He's great. I have His book.

Quote from Robert

Robert: Um... Anyway, um... Raymond is married. He has children.
Ray: Yes, I do, Robert.
Robert: Good, good family. God-fearing, right? Church every Sunday. All of us. God-fearing people. We're scared to death.

Quote from Hank

Hank: Oh look, honey, I found another piece of Jesus's beard.
Pat: Oh, good. Put that in the pile. I'm still working on the sandals.

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