Debra: Who cares about her family?
Marie: Excuse me, when you marry a person, you also marry the family.
Debra: I've heard.

Pat: Would you like some warm cider?
Robert: Oh, no. No, thank you. I don't want to take up too much of your time. Anyway... Um... The reason that I'm here... [takes deep breath] I've been thinking a lot about Amy, and she means the world to me. In fact, that's why I'm here. I wanna do things right. A- A- And out of respect for her and you, I would like to formally request your daughter's hand in marriage.
Hank: No.
Robert: What?
Hank: No.
Robert: No?!
Hank: We don't think it's a very good idea.
Pat: It's nice to see you again, though. You probably have a long drive back. I'll put some cider in a cup for you.

Robert: Ahem. I'm sorry, but you know... I don't understand.
Hank: Well, Robert, you just don't seem to have the stability we'd prefer in a husband for our Amy.
Robert: Well, look, we've had our ups and downs, but- But...
Pat: It's just that over the years, Robert, there have been so many times when Amy was very unhappy.
Peter: You don't know the half of it, Mama. So often she would come into the store and curl up in the used comics section and cry like Little Lotta.
Pat: Oh my. So you could see, Robert, I think any parent would not want their daughter to have a life of... you.

Robert: But I'm- I'm different now. I- I feel-
Hank: Robert, I'm the kind of fellow who loves a good discussion. Ask anybody. I'm that kind of guy. But this is not open for discussion. Okay?
Peter: I'll show him the door.
Robert: Wait. Wait. Just... Uh... Let me... Okay, so what you're saying is, I can't marry your daughter?
Hank: That's correct. But thanks for asking.

Police Officer #1: Which one of you is Amy MacDougall?
Debra: Uh, she-she is.
Police Officer #2: Please step back, ma'am.
Debra: Okay.
Police Officer #1: Amy MacDougall, you have the right to remain single! Anything you say may be used against you in a Church of God. If you do not have a husband, one may be provided for you. Do you understand these rights as I have read them to you?
Amy: Huh?
Police Officer #1: She doesn't get it.
Police Officer #2: All right. Who's gonna cuff her?
Robert: Hi, Amy. I love you, Amy. Will you marry me?
Amy: Huh?
Robert: I love you. Will you marry me?
Amy: But Robert we- We never even talked about- What's happening?
Robert: I'm ready to be happy.
Amy: I am too.
Debra: Is that a yes?
Amy: Huh? Oh, hi! Yes!

Peter: No, Mama, I'm sorry. I have tried to keep certain details from you, but now you have to know. Isn't it true, Lieutenant Baro-nay, that while you were seeing Amy, you were also seeing two other women?
Pat: What?
Robert: No, no! That was just like for a minute. You see, the first girl I met was when I went to Italy, and it was really just an international mix-up. And- And then the other girl was my ex-wife, which...
Hank: Ex-wife?
Pat: Oh my. You're divorced?
Peter: She was a stripper, wasn't she?
Robert: No, not at all. She- She was a dancer of the exotic tradition.
Peter: You know what, why don't we just cut to the chase here so you can be on your way, okay? Robert took Amy's virginity.
Pat: Oh.
Hank: What? What? [covers the Jesus jigsaw puzzle]

Ray: Listen, really. That's nobody's business.
Peter: Her virginity, Mama. Her virginity!
Pat: Stop saying it!
Hank: This is a terrible evening.
Pat: I don't feel well.
Robert: W- W- Wait, please, if you would.
Ray: Listen, Robert's not really that kind of guy. If anything, I remember he was afraid to touch your daughter. She was the one who wanted it! [Pat stumbles]
Robert: Are you out of your mind?!
Ray: I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm doin'. I'm in Pennsylvania!

Ray: [points to their Jesus jigsaw puzzle] Hey, isn't he the guy who sells tie-dyed shirts at the beach? [Robert shakes his head] That was just a joke. That's... I... He's great. I have His book.

Robert: Um... Anyway, um... Raymond is married. He has children.
Ray: Yes, I do, Robert.
Robert: Good, good family. God-fearing, right? Church every Sunday. All of us. God-fearing people. We're scared to death.

Hank: Oh look, honey, I found another piece of Jesus's beard.
Pat: Oh, good. Put that in the pile. I'm still working on the sandals.