Marie: Hello, dear. You're just in time for pancakes.
Frank: Hey, those are my pancakes. Why can't he wait for the next batch?
Marie: I love him.
Ray: Oh, boy, these are good!
Frank: I've been sitting here a half an hour. Tomorrow you're gonna read my obit: "Local Man Dies Waiting for Flapjacks."
Marie: "Marie Barone Dances in Street."
Frank: "Disaster Declared. President to Visit Street."

Marie: Sit down, dear.
Robert: No, it's just this thing with Amy was, I couldn't commit right now. I don't know what it is. Maybe she's not the one for me.
Marie: Is it because she's a woman?
Robert: Oh, my God! Is there a gas leak in here?
Marie: I just want to tell you that your father and I love you and we'll support you no matter what. Right, Frank? [Frank is cooling his head with a milk carton] I'll support you.
Robert: Thanks, Ma.
Marie: Even if you are gay.

Marie: What are you reading?
Frank: The obituaries. [chuckles] I beat all these guys.

Marie: Oh, forget it, Raymond. Forget it, it's no use. I've seen how your father acts in front of people who happen to be homosexual. He's the same ass he is in front of us.
Ray: You know some homosexual people?
Marie: Of course we do! My second cousin Frieda.
Frank: What?
Marie: You knew that.
Frank: I most certainly did not.
Marie: Why do you think she never got married?
Frank: Because she looks like a pit bull.
Marie: She even brought her girlfriend to our anniversary party.
Frank: That blue hair who ate all the meatballs?
Marie: They've been together for years. Midge.
Ray: And you have no problem with this?
Marie: It would have been nice if she left some meatballs for the other guests, but I have no problems with the gay people.

Robert: What if I don't know?
Ray: You're not! What- Even if you were, all right, it wouldn't be the end of the world. You'd still be my brother. My big homosexual brother.
Robert: That means a lot to me, Raymond.
Ray: Yeah, yeah, yeah. [Robert pats Ray on his shoulder]
Robert: I'm glad we had this talk. This is nice. I should be gay more often. Hey, did you hear what Ma said?
Ray: When?
Robert: This morning. She said that she would love and support me no matter what. It's the nicest thing she ever said to me. The runner-up was "You've got spinach in your teeth."

Amy: Robert set me up. I mean, you don't give your girlfriend of two years a little velvet box for her birthday and not have it be an engagement ring!
Debra: Oh, Amy, I don't have any chocolate, but bite the heads off these animal crackers.
Amy: Thanks.
Debra: So, what was in the box?
Amy: Oh, one of those beautiful pearl we're-never-getting-married necklaces.
Debra: Oh. You just gotta give it time. You and Robert will get married eventually.
Amy: No. We talked about it. You know when he asked me why I threw the velvet box at his head. He told me, "I still don't know what I want. It's not you, it's me."
Debra: Oh, God. "It's not you, it's me." That's on the "Guys' Greatest Hits" album.

Robert: So you never wondered if you were?
Ray: Every guy wonders if he is at some point.
Robert: You sure?
Ray: Yeah, yeah. You wonder and then you see some breasts, you walk into a wall, and there you go.

Robert: So when did you think about it?
Ray: I don't know. I don't know. I don't remember.
Robert: You don't remember 'cause you never thought about it.
Ray: I thought about it.
Robert: When?
Ray: 10th grade.
Robert: Go ahead.
Ray: Nothing, it's Patrick Lopez wrote "You're a gay" in my yearbook, and I thought maybe I was.
Robert: Just because he wrote that?
Ray: No, because Patrick Lopez was gay, and I thought he would know.

Frank: Do you dust too, with a little feather duster, Nancy?
Ray: You know, Dad, sometimes when you talk like that people could get offended.
Frank: Offended by what?
Ray: Nothing. Nothing. Forget about it.
Frank: What?
Ray: Nothing, it's just when you say Nancy, what are you implying exactly?
Frank: That your name should be Nancy.
Ray: And when you say Nancy, that's your word for gay?
Frank: Very well.
Ray: And you mean that as an insult?
Frank: Yes, I believe I do.
Ray: Well, that's not nice.
Frank: That's why it's a good insult.
Ray: No, I mean, that's not nice to gay people.
Frank: You're right. I'm sorry... Mary.

Amy: So I broke up with him.
Debra: Again? On your birthday?
Amy: Why not? I came into this world alone.
Debra: Oh, Amy. Oh, sweetie.
Amy: No, it's my fault. I keep falling for the wrong guys. This is my pattern.
Debra: Your pattern used to be falling for guys who were gay.
Amy: They didn't start out gay. They became gay after going out with me.