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‘Robert's Rodeo’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Loves Raymond: Robert's Rodeo

415. Robert's Rodeo

Aired February 7, 2000

Robert is injured in the line of duty after taking an extra shift because Ray canceled their plans together.

Quote from Robert

Debra: Where did he get you?
Robert: In my adductor magnus.
Frank: Your what?
Robert: It's my upper thigh area.
Ray: Sounds like he got you in the ass. [chuckles] I'm not- I'm not laughing. It's horrible, it's horrible. I'm not laughing.
Robert: It's upper thigh.
Marie: Oh, I hate all this police business. I always knew I'd get this call.
Ray: Really? The "your son has been gored in the ass by a bull" call?
Robert: It's upper thigh!

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Quote from Marie

Frank: What happened?
Robert: Well, I yelled, "Hey, hey, bull!" I don't know. I guess I distracted him because he stopped cold. And then he turned. And then he started coming for me.
Debra: Oh, no!
Robert: Oh, yeah. It was like that Wall Street ad.
Frank: Or that malt liquor commercial.
Robert: Yeah. So he's coming towards me, and...
Marie: Did you get away?
Robert: [long silence] Where are we, Ma?

Quote from Robert

Robert: I'm telling you, the ground, it shook.
Frank: Why didn't you run?
Robert: I did run, Dad. I don't know if you've ever been in this situation before, but the first thing that comes to mind is run! So I'm running and running, and he's getting closer and closer, and then his horn gets me and my feet are off the ground, like I'm flying. Incredibly painful flying. Then he tosses me aside like a sock, and I'm on the pavement, and he gives me a couple of snorts and lumbers up the ramp and into his trailer.
Debra: Unbelievable! You were gored!
Frank: By a freakin' bull! Holy crap!

Quote from Frank

Frank: Hey, Robert, I got all the papers you've been in in the last few days.
Robert: I've seen them.
Frank: Here's my favorite. "Runaway Bull: Cop Gets Horny." I think it's clever.

Quote from Robert

Sergeant Judy: So we roll in and everyone scatters. We're running after them and then we realize some of the animals were heading down Queens Boulevard.
Robert: So I took off after the horses.
Marie: You always wanted a pony.
Ray: All right, Ma, nobody cares about that. What happened to you?
Robert: Well, the horses were too fast, so I gave up. Then I hear "buh-boom, buh-boom." I look over, and there he is.
Frank: Who?
Sergeant Judy: A bull.
Debra: A bull?!
Sergeant Judy: Yep, a big old bull. He was tied to a telephone pole, but he broke loose.
Robert: Then he started heading right for Judy.
Marie: Oh my God!

Quote from Ray

Debra: Why don't you try actually telling him that you care about him?
Ray: All right, look, don't get all girlie on me, okay? He's my brother.
Debra: He doesn't know you care about him.
Ray: He knows! He knows I would do anything for him.
Debra: And he knows because you dumped him for Andy, because you told him you dumped him for Andy, or because you feel bad that he's mad at you for telling him that you dumped him for Andy?
Ray: First of all, nobody likes a mock multiple choice. And therefore, there will be no second-of-all.

Quote from Frank

Sergeant Judy: All right, back it up. Let's back up a little. Some guys were running a rodeo, and we got the call to shut them down.
Ray: Wait a minute, rodeo? What is that, police talk for whorehouse?
Robert: No, it was a real rodeo. A rootin'-tootin' rodeo.
Debra: In New York?
Sergeant Judy: In Queens. It was an illegal rodeo. These guys set them up in parking lots, with animals, rides, music.
Frank: This city's got everything!

Quote from Ray

Ray: Oh, my God.
Debra: What? What's the matter?
Ray: It's all my fault. It's my fault! Stupid go-carts. For the rest of my life, I'm gonna have Robert's ass hanging over my head.

Quote from Ray

Ray: I'm telling you, I did what you said! I went over there, I gave him compassion, told him how I felt, made it worse. Nice going!
Debra: And how exactly did you show your compassion?
Ray: With balloons!
Debra: Did you tell him that you care about him?
Ray: It said it on the balloon, "You're number one!"

Quote from Ray

Ray: All right, see you later.
Debra: Okay, have fun driving your little scooters.
Ray: They're not scooters, okay? They're professional go-carts. You know. You know they're go-carts.
Debra: Whatever.
Ray: Look, don't get mad at me. Andy's the one who wants to go. He's all excited about it. I don't want to go.
Debra: Ray? I heard you making "vroom-vroom" noises in the bathroom.
Ray: What are you listening to me in there for? Read a book.

Quote from Ray

Robert: Hey, good news, Raymond. They had the meat lover's pizza special today. You order one meat lover's, you get another free meat lover's.
Ray: After breaking up with Amy, I know you swore off women, but I don't think turning to meat is the answer.
Robert: Ha ha, very funny, that's a good one. I got side salads, and wings too, all for the big game, huh, Ray? So fire up the satellite, because the food's gonna be here any minute.
Ray: Oh, man, Robert, I completely forgot about this. Me and Andy, we gotta go to work.
Robert: What, on a Saturday?
Ray: Yeah, Saturday! Tell me about it. We lost our columns in the computer. Apparently, some janitor, he spilled coffee on the motherboard.

Quote from Marie

Ray: What happened, were you shot?
Robert: No.
Frank: Switchblade?
Robert: No.
Marie: Who did this? Tell me who did this to you.
Ray: What are you gonna do, Ma?
Marie: You'd be surprised.

Quote from Ray

Marie: Your job is so dangerous. They should have prepared you better.
Ray: Yeah, they should have started you out as one of those clowns in the barrel.
Sergeant Judy: You know what? Enough already! This is a serious injury, and I don't see you taking a bull for your partner.

Quote from Debra

Ray: What, what, what?
Debra: Do you realize, in a group that includes your father, you're being the most insensitive?
Ray: Yeah, I don't know what's wrong with Dad, he must be tired. [chuckles] Come on. He's okay! Laughter is the best medicine, right? I'm keeping it loose, I'm keeping it light.
Debra: How about keeping it shut?
Ray: See? You're funny. You should get in there with me.
Nurse: If you're going to sustain a puncture wound, the best place is actually a fleshy area, like the rump. [Ray chuckles]

Quote from Robert

Ray: Hey, Robert! How are you doing?
Robert: I'm doing great, Raymond. I was just showing her a magic trick.
Ray: Well, you look great. And hey, guess what. From your past, a special special lady.
Robert: Oh God!
Ray: Come on.
Amy: Hi, Robert.
Robert: Amy, hi.
Nurse: You know what? I'm gonna get you a bigger seepage pad.
Robert: Thank you!

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