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‘Mother's Day’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Loves Raymond: Mother's Day

622. Mother's Day

Aired May 6, 2002

Debra snaps at Marie when she barges in during a stressful afternoon to have the twins tell a knock-knock joke.

Quote from Frank

Frank: Let me ask you something, pal. What have you had, a tough week? Well, I've been living with your mother since... before you were born!
Ray: Debra wouldn't let the twins tell a "knock, knock" joke!
Frank: She's right! "Knock, knock" jokes stink!
Ray: That's not the point! Mom came over with her friends to show how cute the twins are telling a "knock, knock" joke, and Debra couldn't even give her that little of joy!
Frank: Well, who the hell is Marie to come barging in, demanding joy, when Debra's wrestling with the damn kids?
Ray: She didn't have to be so rude!
Frank: Rude is the only thing that gets through to her! How do you think I got the way I am? I used to be a gentleman!

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Quote from Ray

Ray: Debra, please, come on, all right? Just do it for me. [Debra glares at Ray] Great. Great, great. You see? You see? Here's the problem, okay? You think it's just her. Well, I'm gonna say it. We all know that if my wife wasn't so snippy all the time - Yes, I said snippy - none of this would have happened! [Marie nods]
Frank: You'd be snippy too if this one was yammering at you all day long! You got nothing to complain about.
Ray: Hey, how do you know what I've been going' through over here? I actually have to live with her, so don't start with me, 'cause you don't know what the hell you're talking about.
[Frank stands up]
Robert: Wow.

Quote from Marie

Ray: What you are doing, Ma?
Marie: Hello. I was just flipping through your baby books, recalling the agony of your delivery. And I was wondering if I was going to get a visit from you on Mother's Day.
Ray: Yeah, Mom, l- I'm taking care of a few things here, that's all.
Marie: Well, of course. By all means, take your time. You obviously have other priorities on Mother's Day.

Quote from Ray

Debra: No, I let so much go with her, Ray. I mean, I'm always letting things roll off my back. The woman ruins my life, and I'm supposed to pretend everything is fine and dandy.
Ray: But your life isn't ruined, everything is fine and dandy.
Debra: I am not apologizing for this. Your mother is acting like a child, giving me the silent treatment. Do you realize how passive-aggressive that is?
Ray: But- But-
Debra: No, she doesn't want to talk to me, she doesn't have to that's fine and dandy.
Ray: So you're just gonna pout and go, "She started it"? I think that's a little passive-aggressive.
Debra: Oh, yeah?
Ray: Which I still prefer to aggressive-aggressive.

Quote from Marie

Marie: Debra, may I talk to you?
Debra: Sure, Marie.
Marie: What happened the other day has really weighed on me and I did some serious thinking. So, Debra I was wrong. Please forgive me.
Debra: Oh, wow. Marie, thank you. But you don't have to apologize, I'm fine, really.
Marie: No, no, no, Debra, I want to. First of all, I'm sorry I came over when I did. I should know by now, by late afternoon you've lost complete control of the kids. And then, I brought company, which must have embarrassed you, since obviously you hadn't tidied up. So I understand why you felt the need to snap at me so. For all that, I'm sorry. All right? [Debra is silent]
Ray: So... She's talking to you again!
Debra: Well, she can do whatever she wants, because I'm done talking to her. [goes upstairs]
Marie: This is what I get for trying to be nice.

Quote from Debra

Debra: Come on, guys! No, no, no! Baths are fun! You love baths! There's water, you get to be naked.
Ally: Jump, Geoffrey, jump!
Debra: No, Ally, the only reason I let you get older is so you could help me.

Quote from Debra

Debra: Hi, Marie.
Marie: I just brought Hilda and Artie over 'cause I wanted them to see the kids do their "knock, knock" joke.
Artie: We hear it's a hoot!
Debra: Now's not the best time, I'm trying' to get 'em upstairs.
Marie: Michael, "Knock, knock". Honey, let Michael say "Knock, knock."
Michael: Knock, knock! Knock, knock!
Debra: No "knock, knock" jokes right now, we're going' upstairs.
Marie: "Orange." Debra, say "orange."
Debra: Marie, please stop! We are not telling "knock, knock" jokes right now! We are going upstairs for our baths. All right? Thank you. Let's go. Come on. [goes upstairs with the kids]
Marie: ... Well.

Quote from Marie

Marie: Hello, Raymond, dear. I just dropped by to pick up my big spoon. Are you finished with it?
Ray: Me?
Debra: I was the one that borrowed it, remember, Marie?
Marie: If you're not done with it, Raymond, I could come back.
Ray: Ma, what's going' on?
Marie: Nothing. I'm making sauce, and I just wanted my big spoon.
Ray: Yeah? So ask Debra.
Debra: Um, I I'm finished with it, Marie, so... Here.
[Marie doesn't take the spoon from Debra, so Ray grabs it and hands it to his mother]
Marie: Thank you, Raymond. Bye-bye.

Quote from Ray

Debra: She wanted to hear the twins tell their "knock, knock" joke, and I told her it was a bad time and we went upstairs.
Ray: Ha. Did they do the Goliath one?
Debra: No, l...
Ray: 'Cause that's a good one. Knock, knock. Say "Who's there?"
Debra: What is with your family?
Ray: Come on. Say "Who's there?"
Debra: Who's there?
Ray: Goliath.
Debra: Goliath who?
Ray: Goliath down. You looketh tired.

Quote from Debra

Debra: I mean, that couldn't be why she's mad at me, because I told her it was a bad time? She couldn't be mad about that, could she?
Ray: I think it's cute how you're still a little naive.
Debra: Oh, my God. I mean, God, she's a lunatic!
Ray: So why didn't you just let her hear the joke? It only takes like two seconds. Here, let's do Goliath again. Knock, knock...
Debra: No, no. That is not the point, okay? Things have to screech to a halt because Marie's gonna waltz over here with her friends to put on the "Grandma Show"?

Quote from Marie

Marie: So how are things?
Ray: Fine.
Marie: That's nice. And how's Debra?
Ray: Ma. Ah, okay, I see. You lured me over with cake so you could pump me for information about Debra.
Marie: And feed you cake.
Frank: Feed me cake.
Marie: Raymond, I was just wondering if Debra picked up on my little signal yesterday.
Ray: What, when you gave her the silent treatment?
Marie: Oh, good. You noticed it, too. I was worried that I maybe was too subtle.
Frank: Yeah, that's your problem. Too subtle.

Quote from Frank

Ray: Look, Ma, Debra's sorry, okay?
Marie: She is? Really?
Ray: Y- Yeah. Yes. I mean, she just has a hard time saying it, that's all. And aren't you the mature one?
Marie: That's true. I've always been mature.
Frank: She's as mature as the hills.

Quote from Robert

Ray: Hey, what what are you doing? Why aren't you with Mom?
Robert: Evidently, it's simply not Mother's Day without Raymond.
Frank: She's been a miserable wretch all week long. I mean, on top of the usual. How's it going' over here?
Ray: Yeah, well, it's not good. She's in a bad mood, too. I'm just gonna run these over and drop them off for Mom.
Robert: Drop these off? You'll never get out of there! She's got your baby book out and she's humming lullabies. She sent us over to get ya.
Frank: What she doesn't know is, we're never going back.
Ray: All right, well, keep it down. She can sense happiness.
Robert: I don't like them not talking to each other, it makes me nervous.
Frank: It's like in Korea, it was most scary when it was quiet.
Robert: I hate seeing them like this. I can't take it anymore! You know what? The three of us should go to Florida.

Quote from Debra

Debra: Just what every mother wants to do on Mother's Day wash the butter out of her sheets.

Quote from Frank

Ray: Dad, please, can you help me out here?
Frank: What, are you kidding me? Maybe Debra will come around at some point, but we'll never get anything out of old Sitting Bull over there.

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