Debra: Why don't you tell her, Frank?
Frank: Aw, not me. Last time I told her to do something for her own good, it completely bit me in the ass.
Debra: What was that?
Frank: I said, "Marry me."

Debra: Wow. Did you see that?
Ray: Yeah. It's gettin' really bad.
Robert: I think it's worse than ever.
Frank: What are you talking about?
Debra: Frank, didn't you see Marie having trouble with the clock?
Frank: Well, time has never been a friend to Marie.

Debra: Marie, what's the harm in just getting your eyes checked?
Marie: I am not wearing glasses.
Debra: Okay. Contact lenses, then. What is the big deal?
Marie: I'm- I'm not gonna stick those things in my eyes. And I don't like how I look in glasses.
Debra: If you're having trouble seeing, isn't correcting that more important than anything else?
Marie: You know me, Debra. I'm not a vain woman. And I've been told that I have a Botticelli face. And one does not put glasses on a Botticelli face.
Frank: I'd say you have more of a Mr. Potato Head face. And glasses come with the kit.

Marie: Would you like to hear what I now notice about you, Frank?
Ray: Oh, boy.
Frank: Yeah, yeah. I'm fat and bald. The remote.
Marie: That's not what I was going to say. I don't care about looks. I'm with you, aren't I? I'm talking about what's inside, Frank.
Frank: Oh, Jeez.
Marie: That's right. The total lack of communication. The total disregard for me as a human being. It's been this way for 45 years. God forbid you should pay any attention to me, or show me even in the slightest possible way that you have any feelings for me at all.
Frank: Well then, if I'm so terrible, why do you stick around?
Marie: Maybe I won't.
Frank: Oh, yeah?
Marie: Maybe I won't, Frank. Now that I see I'm in a loveless marriage.
Frank: A loveless marriage? A loveless marriage?! A loveless marriage! [Frank snaps Marie's glasses and storms out of the house]

Marie: Is that why you broke my new glasses? Because I said we have a loveless marriage?
Frank: You gonna keep sayin' it?
Marie: It bothers you when I do, doesn't it? I didn't mean it. You know, I just get a little overdramatic sometimes. [Frank looks at Marie] But look how everybody reacted just because of something I said. It made me feel important. And I have never seen you react so strongly about anything I said. You're a pig. You don't talk, you don't listen. But you love me, Frank. Frank?
Frank: You don't need glasses for that.
Marie: Oh, Frank you love your little rum ball.

Debra: She was squinting because she couldn't see it. Same thing was happening at the restaurant.
Robert: Yeah, I know. Did you see her strainin' to read the specials?
Ray: Was that before or after she walked into the men's room?
Robert: Ma's blind.
Debra: She's not blind, Robert. We just have to tell her she needs glasses.
Ray: [chuckles] Oh, yeah, right.
Robert: Oh, yeah yeah.
Debra: Why? What's the big deal?
Robert: I don't know if you've noticed, Debra, but Ma's pretty sensitive about her appearance.
Debra: But your mom's not so silly that she's gonna put vanity before her sight. [Ray laughs]
Robert: You know, you're right, Deb. You should tell her she needs glasses.
Frank: You might want to put your affairs in order first.

Debra: Um, Marie can I ask you something?
Ray: Hey, can I ask you something? How come there's no tiramisu in your mouth?
Debra: Marie, um... When's the last time you saw an optometrist?
[As Marie looks at Debra, Ray and Robert frantically stuff dessert into their mouths]
Debra: Uh, you know, because we were, uh, talking and, um, we thought maybe you should look into getting some glasses.
Marie: My eyes are fine.
Debra: Well, we couldn't help but notice that you're having a little trouble seeing.
Marie: Well, let me tell you that my vision is perfect. Tell them, Frank. [Frank is still] Frank?
Frank: Oh, I was hoping you couldn't see me.

Marie: I just came from the eye doctor, and I want to show you something. Ta-da! Oh! What do you think?
Ray: You did it, Ma!
Marie: Yeah. The doctor said I really only need to use them for reading and driving, but there were some people in the shop who said that I look so sophisticated in them, I might leave them on all the time.
Ray: That's the, uh, the style the kids are wearing now?
Debra: Ray. They look great, Marie!
Ray: Yeah! No, they look good.
Debra: Oh, wow. What did Frank say?
Marie: Nothing. He wouldn't notice anything new on me unless it was made of sausage.

Ray: How's it goin'?
Debra: What did you do to your hair?
Ray: Nothing. What's with your eyes?
Debra: Never mind. What is up with your sideburns?
Ray: Nothing. Did a little touch up, that's all.
Debra: Touch up? What is-
Ray: Nothing! What? Is it noticeable?
Debra: No, not at all, Elvis.

Ray: Look at you.
Debra: This is not the same thing at all. It's a holiday.
Ray: Oh. So what are you, the Thanksgiving Day hooker?
Debra: This is not hooker, Ray. This is what women do when they don't have the thickest eyelashes. You just don't always see me like this because I'm not someone who cares about these things.
Ray: Boy, I'd hate to see the eyes of somebody who does care.
Debra: You're the one who cares. Look what you did to your head! I had no idea you were so vain.
Ray: Me, vain? You're a raccoon talkin' to me!