Marie: Come on, hurry up, boys. Your father wants a staff meeting on the lawn in five minutes.
Ray: Mom, what are you doing? What are you selling all this stuff for?
Marie: 'Cause I need this area for your father. See, I'm going to bring down a chair and a television and I'm going to leave meals at the top of the stairs. He'll be very happy.

Frank: Hey, you two porcupines. I need you to bring that sofa bed up from the basement.
Ray: Old Lucky? I mean, Old Musty?
Frank: Listen, I haven't told your mother yet but I'm fixing a little area for her down there.
Ray: A little area?
Frank: I'm gonna bring down her sewing machine, maybe a folding chair, maybe a hot plate. She'll love it. She can stay down there all day.
Robert: Sounds like a sweatshop, Dad.
Frank: No, I'll give her a little fan.

Marie: Can I let you in on a little secret? I wanted to have more children, too.
Debra: We don't want to have more children.
Marie: Oh, well, if I overheard correctly, Raymond does. Listen, I wanted to have another baby but Frank wouldn't even hear of it. And I was just crushed. You know, I love my boys, but I always wanted a little girl, too. You know what I used to do? I used to put Robbie in a little pink dress and dance him around the room.
Debra: You got any pictures of that?
Marie: The reason I bring it up is that well, we're not getting any younger, dear. And you want to plant your seedlings before winter comes and everything freezes over.
Debra: Jeez! [walks off]
Marie: You can't talk to her.

Marie: Something else we don't need. Your father's been bringing home useless junk for 40 years.
Frank: You were item number one.
Marie: We should be having a garage sale, Frank.
Frank: No! No garage sale. I'm not lugging everything up from the basement and then standing out there all day dealing with people. People.
Marie: I bet Ed's making a lot of money on that thing.
Robert: He told me he already made $200.
Frank: $200? For Hermanson's crap? We got much better crap than him. We're having a garage sale. No, no, better. Make it a yard sale. That's classier. I bet I can sell this thing for $15. That's pure profit.

Frank: Hey, listen up. You two got till tomorrow morning at 8:00 a.m to get the crap you're storing in this house out. We're clearing the place out!
Ray: Oh, my God! You're moving?
Frank: No, we're having a yard sale.
Ray: Oh, oh, yard sale. For a second, I thought you were moving which would make us so, so... sad.
Marie: No, sweetie. We're not going anywhere, no. [kisses Ray] No, we'll always be with you.
Ray: Because I'll help you move.

Debra: Ray, just grab that crib, okay? Go on, Ray. Hurry up.
Ray: We're getting rid of the cribs?
Debra: Yeah. What do we need them for anymore?
Ray: I don't know.
Debra: What?
Ray: I don't know, in case...
Debra: What? For what?
Ray: I don't know.
Debra: For all the other kids we're going to have? Why don't we have 10 more and move into a shoe?

Frank: "Dear Abby, I am a 60-year-old-woman who just found out that my husband of 30 years is also my cousin. And my husband knew the whole time." Ah-ha!
Marie: What's the rest?
Frank: No.
Marie: Come on.
Frank: You weren't interested.
Marie: Come on, let me see the paper.
Frank: No.
Marie: Why did you read that to me? Why? Are you my cousin?
Robert: That would explain a lot.

Frank: What's that thing?
Robert: It's a coin sorter. Hermansons are having a garage sale and you know how I feel about loose change. Not. For. Me.

Ray: Did you know I used to come down here to hide from you?
Robert: Yeah? I used to come down here to hide from Dad.
Ray: He used to come down to hide from Mom.
Robert: Remember when we all ended up down here at the same time?
Ray: Then Mom locked us in to teach us a lesson.
Robert: And Dad shut off the water while she was still in the shower.
Ray: Yeah.
Robert: Good times.

Debra: Oh, what's all that?
Ray: This is my whole childhood that my parents want to sell to any Zeke with a pickup.
Debra: So where are we going to keep all this stuff?
Ray: Come on, Debra, it's good stuff.
Debra: Oh, look. "Ray, 1969."
Ray: It's an ashtray. I made it for my dad. He said he loved it. He said he would start smoking. He never did.
Debra: Well, when the time comes, you'll smoke for your children.