Robert: So a policeman's job is to protect and to serve and to make all of us feel safe. I want to thank you for having me in for show and tell. And, uh, are there any questions?
Boy: Are you a giant?
Robert: Not really. Any questions about being a police officer? Yes, you.
Girl: Could I climb on you?
Robert: Uh, not right now. I think I have time for one more question.
Boy: Are you going to eat us?

Debra: I'm sorry. I'll try to stay on my side from now on.
Ray: And not touch me.
Debra: Not touch you?
Ray: Okay, great.
Debra: Wait a minute! Wait a minute! What the hell are you talking about?
Ray: It's just hard for me to sleep with touching.
Debra: Me touching you? Oh my God, Ray! You know most husbands like cuddling with their wives.
Ray: No, they don't.
Debra: Yes, they do!
Ray: No! Nobody likes that! Nobody! The only time a guy likes cuddling is if he thinks it's gonna lead to... to lower cuddling.

Debra: I don't believe it. When did this start?
Ray: When we started sleeping together.
Debra: So you haven't said anything for nine years?
Ray: I wouldn't have said anything now.
Debra: Have you slept down here before?
Ray: Just a couple of times. Look, I don't have to do it anymore. I'm happy just to suffer through it, that's all.
Debra: Suffer through it?
Ray: All right. Suffer might have been the wrong word.
Ray: Look, the touching never use to bother me before! It's just, maybe it's 'cause I'm older. You know? Things change. Like now I can't handle anything hickory-smoked.

Ray: Father Hubley?
Father Hubley: What? Oh, Raymond.
Ray: Yeah, how you doing, Father? I was just in the neighborhood.
Father Hubley: Do you want something?
Ray: Yeah, um listen, I'm having this problem and all the real shrinks are booked up for six weeks.
Father Hubley: How flattering.

Ray: Hey, cranapple. Oh, you're here. What? I'm just trying to say hello to Debra. Hello. [kisses Debra]
Frank: So say hello. Don't make a meal out of it!
Marie: You know, you could kiss me hello, Frank.
Frank: How about a kiss goodbye?
Ray: Do you mind? I'd like to be alone with my wife.
Frank: Why?
Marie: He's just trying to make up for whatever it is he did wrong.
Frank: What did he do, kill somebody?

Debra: What's all this? Did you sleep down here?
Ray: No, no, no. I didn't want to keep you up while I was reading.
Debra: Really? What were you reading?
Ray: A book.
Debra: Yeah? Which one?
Ray: Yeah, the one, uh some people die and then there's a picnic.
Debra: Did you figure out how to unscramble the naked channel?
Ray: No! Did you?

Debra: Why are you down here? Are you okay?
Ray: Yeah, sure, sure. Whatever.
Debra: What?
Ray: What?
Debra: You said whatever weird.
Ray: I say a lot of things weird. What, you think you say it so perfect?

Debra: Ray.
Ray: All right, look. The reason I came down here is 'cause sometimes you're... You're too on me.
Debra: What?
Ray: In bed when we're sleeping, you don't stay on your side and then sometimes I can't sleep.
Debra: Oh, what are you saying? I hog the bed?
Ray: I know you're small, but that's in regular space, you know? In bed space, you're like one of those things in the scary movies with all the arms. And wherever you go on the spaceship you can't get away from it. Hey, where is he? He's not over here? Then, whoa! Aahhh! Aah!

Debra: Maybe you should get outta here, Ray? You never know when I'm gonna touch you in a non-sexual way.
Ray: Oh, come on. Don't be mad.
Debra: Don't be mad?
Ray: Look, you wanna know something? I'll tell you the truth. This whole thing is my grandmother's fault. Nonny Barone.
Debra: Yes, of course, Nonny Barone, the woman who brought dysfunction to America.
Ray: No, this is gonna sound dumb, but, every summer we had to visit her in Yonkers. She had this tiny apartment. Robert and I went to bed on the fold-out couch. All night long, he'd be up against me. I couldn't breathe. I was like, suffocating. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't say anything because he'd wake up and then he'd laugh and try to crush me. And if I screamed to stop him, Nonny Barone would come in and yell at me for the screaming. So, most nights I just lay there awake. That's it. I don't know. I've never gotten over that. I'm sorry. I never thought about it before, but that's gotta be it, you know? But listen, it's my problem, all right? You just-- you touch me all you want. I'll huddle, cuddle, hug, snug. Do it all because it'll be good for me.

Ray: Hey, jambalaya!
Debra: Mm-hm.
Ray: Coffee?
Debra: Nope, no coffee. I drank it all. I am very tired.
Ray: Really?
Debra: Mm.
Ray: Eh.
Debra: Where are you going?
Ray: Across the street to get some coffee.
Debra: Oh sure, have your mother think I'm so terrible I can't even give my husband his morning coffee.
Ray: Aw, come on. She thinks that already.