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‘Who Am I?’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Loves Raymond: Who Am I?

705. Who Am I?

Aired October 14, 2002

Ray starts questioning who he is when nothing seems to excite him anymore.

Quote from Frank

Debra: I mean, we do things together. We go out. We go to dinner, we go to the movies.
Ray: I gotta tell you, you know, some of those movies we see, they're all kind of stupid.
Frank: The last movie I saw was "Patton."
Debra: All right, Frank.
Frank: And you know when I'll go back to the movies? "Son of Patton."

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Quote from Marie

Marie: So how was your night?
Debra: Oh, it was just a great lecture. I learned so much about the Amazon. Linda's cousin wrote this book, and he's a terrific speaker. How are the kids?
Marie: Oh, they're fine. They don't know.
Debra: Know what?
Marie: About you and Raymond going your separate ways tonight.
Debra: Oh, Marie, it's no big deal. Ray didn't wanna come to the bookstore, so he just did what he wanted.
Marie: I guess that's what they call an "open marriage."
Debra: Come on, Marie. You go out without Frank once in a while.
Marie: That's not open marriage, that's escape.

Quote from Ray

Ray: I mean, we did the same stuff we always do. You know, Gianni was doing this thing he drops ice cubes in front of him. "Hey, look, an Eskimo peeing." And, you know, I mean, it was funny, and I used to laugh at it, but...
Debra: It's lost its magic?
Ray: Yeah. Yeah. We had the buffalo wings I like, and we did the air hockey. But I don't know, something about it... It's not the same as it was.
Debra: Oh, my God. You're growing up.
Ray: No! No. I probably got a flu or something.
Debra: No. No, that's why you don't like doing all those stupid things you used to do. You're changing, you're maturing. No, it's a good thing, Ray. You've become a man. You know why you just said you had a bad time doing all those things? Because you've outgrown them. You know I'm right, don't you?
Ray: Crap, maybe you are.
Debra: Oh, my God! I have been waiting for this!

Quote from Ray

Brian: Let's please all welcome back to Sidewalk Books Dr. Everett Munce.
Dr. Everett Munce: Thank you, Brian. Well, it's nice to see some familiar faces back from last week. I believe I left you on the banks of the Amazon about 250 kilometers east of Manaus. If you can imagine, it's dusk, and it's still 104. The humidity's around 99%, and yet it is not raining. If you listen closely, you can hear the macaws and the capybaras and perhaps even the low growl of a jaguar... [cut] Never seen an outsider. So, one's dilemma becomes: How do I record this amazing discovery without corrupting the purity of their existence? [Ray is asleep] Well, as a matter of fact, they faced this same dilemma more than 30 years ago in the Philippines I believe it was... [Ray's head falls onto Debra] Yes, it was in the Philippines where they came upon a tribe that was called the Tasaday. Even though they took great-
[Debra elbows Ray's face to get him off her]
Ray: Ow! Ow! God! What did you do?
Debra: Shh! Wake up.
Ray: All right, I'm awake. But you caught me right in the eye.
Debra: Would you shut up?
Ray: All right,i t's just you got me right in the socket hole.
Debra: Be quiet.
Ray: Oh, my God. You could've poked my eye out. [Dr. Munce is staring at Ray] Not that I still wouldn't be a great guy.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Everything is not fine.
Debra: Stop rubbing it. You're making it worse.
Ray: I'm not talking about my eye. Everything is not right with me. The whole me.
Debra: What? What do you mean?
Ray: I went to that lecture, and I tried, Debra. God help me, I tried to like it. The elbow in the eye was the best part of the night.
Debra: Well, I'm sorry, I thought you were an adult. I made a mistake.
Ray: Who the hell am I?
Debra: What are you talking about?
Ray: Don't you see? Last week, the same thing. I went out with the guys, the same thing happened. I didn't belong there either. So now I got this thing in my head, like, "Who am I? What do I do now?" "Where the hell do I belong?"
Marie: Right here!
Ray: You're on my foot again, Ma.

Quote from Frank

Frank: This is the life.
Garvin: Yeah, like oil in the joints.
Stan: You still stiff?
Garvin: My knee.
Stan: Yeah. I got that.
Frank: My back's still acting up.
Garvin: What? The twinge?
Frank: On good days, it's a twinge.
Stan: Yeah. I got that.

Quote from Ray

Ray: I got, like, a shoulder thing.
Frank: Yeah?
Ray: It's nothing. Just sometimes when I lift things up, you know, it hurts.
Stan: You mean up here between the neck and the shoulder blade?
Ray: Yeah, it's like a knot.
Stan: I know. I got that.
Garvin: What are you doing lifting things, Ray?
Ray: Uh, you know, Debra she's got me doing this and doing that.
Garvin: Oh, the wives.
Frank: That's a pain we can't get rid of.
Ray: Until you're O'Neal. [all laugh]
Stan: Put that in your column.
Ray: I should, I should. I should put it in. I got up twice last night to pee.
All: Oh. Oh, yeah.
Max: At least he got up.

Quote from Robert

Ray: No, I know what you're saying, Debra, but I don't know. When I was in that steam room, it just felt right. I mean, I-I think it's what I've been looking for.
Robert: Sweaty man boobs?
Marie: I don't like that, Robert. [takes his cannoli]

Quote from Robert

Ray: I mean, I was comfortable. You know, I was relaxed. I was happy.
Frank: Plus, I gotta say, everyone told me you were, like, the best-looking guy in there.
Robert: Of course he was. He's the "before" in a room full of "afters."

Quote from Ray

Ray: And then everybody's always talking in 'em, and it's always freezing. In fact, is there, like, a draft in here?
Marie: There's a blanket in the living room. Maybe you'd be more comfortable in there.
Ray: Well, I am a little tired. [groans as he stands up] Oh, gosh! My shoulder's on the fritz again.
Marie: You sit down and put your feet up.
Robert: Yes, Raymond. Can I get you anything? Some Melba toast? A catheter?
Ray: I'm all locked up. You know, it's like a big knot. Is it in here?
Frank: You need more time in that steam room. I'll pick you up tomorrow morning at 9:00. We don't come out until everything's soft.
Robert: I may throw up.
Ray: We got- We have, like, a heating pad?
Debra: Well, this is great, Ray. This is just great. You went from an immature teenager to a tired old geezer with no stops in between. And what did I get? I got ripped off, that's what I got. I never got to be married to a man, a regular grownup man.
Ray: Do you have to yell?

Quote from Marie

Marie: [on Ray's phone] Debra's not here right now. May I take a message? Cindy? All right. All right, dear. Debra went out tonight. And Raymond did, too. Although they went to different places. On a Saturday night. Do you think that seems odd? It seems odd to me. I mean, do you and your husband go to different places? You're not? Oh well, I have another son, Robbie. Oh, I'll tell him you called. All right, dear. Bye-bye.
Debra: [enters] Hi, Marie. Who was that?
Marie: That's for Robbie.

Quote from Marie

Marie: Debra had a good time tonight, too.
Ray: Oh, yeah, that's right. How was it? How'd your thing go?
Debra: Oh, I loved it. He signed my book.
Marie: He.
Debra: Yeah, that's right. Dr. Everett Munce.
Marie: A doctor.

Quote from Marie

Robert: Hey, Ma, you got any food over at the house?
Marie: Why?
Robert: We're kind of starving. I thought maybe you could make something for me and Gianni.
Gianni: I've been thinking of you in an apron all night, Mrs. B.
Marie: Well, I do have food, but don't you need me here?
Ray: I don't think so.
Marie: Oh, all right. I'm right across the street if you need to talk, Ray. And remember... I love you.
Ray: You're on my foot.

Quote from Debra

Ray: What's that? What's with my mother?
Debra: Oh, she's just flipping out 'cause we didn't go out together tonight.
Ray: Why? You having an affair with the bookstore guy?
Debra: Yeah. He's 60 years old, has one eye, and smells of the jungle.
Ray: Yeah, that's how you like it.
Debra: That's right.

Quote from Ray

Debra: I thought you could go out with the guys again.
Ray: Oh, yeah. Yeah, great. Great.
Debra: What's the matter, Ray?
Ray: Oh, nothing. Hmm.
Debra: Ray, what is it?
Ray: Nothing. It's... I don't know. Going out with the guys... I mean, it was great. It was fun. Really, really fun.
Debra: But?
Ray: It wasn't so much fun. I don't know. I mean, something about it... Something was missing.
Debra: What do you mean? You mean me?
Ray: No.

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