Ray: Look, I'm telling you, I just don't like that kid. I don't make you spend time with people you don't like.
Debra: Oh no?
Ray: What? Oh, my parents?
Debra: Yes, your parents. They take up all the time we would normally spend with friends. In fact, they're friend-repellent.

Debra: Aw, that's too bad. The kids really liked him. What are we gonna tell them?
Ray: We'll just explain to them that a wicked witch baked him in a pie.

Frank: Who can't we stand? Your mother?
Robert: No, we're talking about that Spencer. Kid's weird. [touches food to his chin and eats]
Ray: I know. Isn't he annoying? He's annoying.
Frank: Sure. He's a kid. All kids are annoying. You two were horrible.
Ray: No, we weren't.
Frank: Oh yes, very much so. You'd go around talking funny, playing your stupid crap. It bugged the hell out of me.
Ray: Look, this kid's in a class by himself, okay? I was nothing like him.
Frank: Well, he's definitely smarter than you were. Even now it's pretty close.

Debra: Raymond we are going to be friends with these people, and you are going to make it work because you are a grown man, and I believe that you can do this. I believe that you can get along with an eight-year-old child. I really do. [walks off]
Ray: He hurt my heinie.

Lauren: These are so good. Your mother-in-law brings these over?
Debra: Yes, she does. From right across the street.
Lauren: Oh, boy. They're not that good.
Debra: So you've met her?
Neil: Is that the lady who was watching me park before?
Ray: Yeah, right next to the guy who was hitting the lawn mower with a shovel.

Lauren: Watch. His mother will fake a sprained ankle and we'll have 'em all winter.
Debra: I still win. It's always winter.

Debra: What are you talking about? Spencer's cute.
Ray: Cute! Cute? So I guess the word means nothing now. He never stopped with his voice.
Debra: Oh, are we criticizing someone else's voice, Ray?
Ray: Oh. Ho-hody-ho-ho.

Ray: That kid is no damn good.
Debra: All this because you didn't get a third cannoli.
Ray: No. No, how about the space gun on my chair? That could have been an embarrassing trip to the emergency room.
Debra: Ray, come on, he wouldn't do that on purpose. He was just playing.
Ray: He was not playing, okay? I'm a good judge of character. That kid, he knew exactly what he was doing.
Debra: He's eight.
Ray: That's 40 in weasel years.

Marie: Raymond's skin is nice now, but when he was younger, he had blemishes.
Ray: Okay, Ma.
Marie: Remember when you came home from school crying because they called you "Pimply Pete"?
Robert: [laughs] Pimply Pete!
Ray: Shut up!
Marie: What? You grew out of it, just like Robbie and his nighttime accidents.
Robert: Ma! Come on!

Debra: This has been so much fun. I'm sorry we didn't do this sooner.
Lauren: I can never get Neil to go anywhere.
Neil: I don't usually like people.
Ray: I hear you.
Neil: Especially new people.
Ray: There you go.
Debra: Ray would be happy living in the bathroom.
Neil: That's right. Lauren, he's like me.
Lauren: Then I feel sorry for her.