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‘The Bigger Person’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Loves Raymond: The Bigger Person

623. The Bigger Person

Aired May 13, 2002

As Ray and Frank stop trying to patch things up between Debra and Marie and instead play them off against each other, Robert tries to be the peacemaker.

Quote from Robert

Debra: What is it, Robert?
Robert: Well, maybe it's just me, but I'm of the opinion that a man should be more concerned about his family's well-being than figuring out a way to get his wife to let him go on a week-long golf retreat to Myrtle Beach.
Debra: What golf retreat?
Robert: Come on, you haven't noticed he's been dropping hints like crazy? Maybe that's because you're too busy running around gassing up his car, drinking wine, and having to... do things because of the wine.
Debra: Robert, all l-
Robert: Wake up, sis! Dad and Raymond have a laundry list of stuff they're trying to get out of you two! They're exploiting the situation, they're playing you two against each other, they're laughing at you, and it's making me sick! But if it doesn't bother you...

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Quote from Robert

Robert: You know, they say you should never go to bed mad. Well, I say, it'd be even worse to go the Big Bed mad. Hmm? [Marie looks away] All right, Ma, there's something you should know. And I'm only saying this 'cause I don't wanna see you on the roof.

Quote from Robert

Robert: Come on, you know this fight has gone on long enough. I bet you can't even remember why you were mad at each other in the first place.
Debra: Why? Because your mother is condescending, overbearing, patronizing-
Robert: Okay.
Debra: Manipulative.
Robert: Okay, the "why's" are not important. But what is important is to remember that life is short. You know how they always say you should never go to bed mad? Well, I say it'd be even worse to go to the "Big Bed" mad. Hmm?

Quote from Frank

Ray: Ma wasn't too happy that you're here, Dad.
Frank: Good, she's getting the message. I came over here because the omelet she made me this morning was half-assed.
Robert: You're here to punish Ma? I think that's terrible.
Frank: No, I'll tell you what's terrible. A salami omelet that's skimpy on the salami.

Quote from Marie

Marie: Hello?
Ray: What's going on, Ma?
Marie: I thought you boys could use a little snack. Stuffed mushrooms.
Frank: Let's have it!
Marie: I know it's usually slim pickings around here. That's why I wanted to bring these over as quickly as I could.
Frank: Mmm! These are good! Better than that omelet.
Marie: Yes, I know. I'm sorry. I was almost out of salami, and I knew the omelet wasn't right. I should've just thrown it out or given it to Robbie. Well, eat up, boys, there's plenty more where that came from across the street.

Quote from Frank

Frank: Oh, man! We gotta get these two hens together more often!
Ray: I know! I'll bet I can get a week of golf in Myrtle Beach!
Frank: I might be able to get Marie up on the roof to clean the gutters!
Robert: You two, playing your wives against each other, you're despicable!
Frank: Calm down, dainty duck.
Ray: Yeah, what? We tried to get 'em to stop fighting. If they wanna keep it up, why should we have to suffer?
Robert: There's a difference between not suffering and exploiting the situation! You should be supporting your wives, bringing them together! This is not the way for a family to behave!
Frank: You know, while Marie's up on the roof, I'll have her install a satellite dish.

Quote from Marie

Frank: Hey. You know what the guys at the lodge were just telling me? Apparently if you install it yourself, a satellite dish is actually quite affordable. Makes you think, doesn't it? Anyway, make me a sandwich, will ya?
Marie: You want a sandwich?
Frank: Uh, roast beef, mayo, mustard, lettuce, tomato, cheese, easy onion.
Marie: Sounds nice. What kind of bread?
Frank: Let's go with the whole wheat today, shall we?
Marie: All right.
[Marie hits Frank with the bread]
Frank: Ow! Hey! Hey! Ow! Okay, white bread, then!
Marie: You didn't think I'd catch on to you, Mr. Sleazy Man? Oh, I caught on. Oh, did I catch on! Sure, getting the two of us to wait on you hand and foot, exploiting the situation. I wish this bread was stale, I would give you a concussion!

Quote from Frank

Frank: Uh, you're right, I have been making a mess here. We'll just go over to Debra's.
Marie: What are you talking about?
Frank: Yeah, yeah, I'll get outta your hair.
Marie: No, don't be silly. Sit.
Frank: No, no, no, it's easy enough to go across the street. Come on, Ray.
Marie: No, no, no. Why would you do that? You know what you need? Grilled cheese.
Frank: Double cheese? No crust?
Marie: Of course. Sit. Would you like a grilled cheese, Raymond?
Ray: You got bacon?
Marie: Of course. How about you, Rob?
Robert: No, thank you.
Marie: Okay, then, two grilled cheese, coming up. [exits]
Frank: [to Ray] I love you.

Quote from Robert

Robert: Raymond around?
Debra: No, he's out buying himself a new putter.
Robert: Isn't that nice for him? So, how are you?
Debra: I'm fine.
Robert: That's good. I'm glad one of us is fine.
Debra: You're not fine, Robert?
Robert: Well, you know me. I don't do well with the tension. It gets me right in the gut. And this thing with you and my mom... Muy tensionoso.
Debra: Is that Spanish for "very tense?"
Robert: I don't know. All I know is I'm popping antacids like they're cocktail peanuts.

Quote from Debra

Ray: Hey, moonshine! Well, here she is. A little more expensive than I thought, but it'll be worth it, you know, if I ever go on a, I dunno, golf retreat or something.
Debra: Yeah, that's nice. Let me ask you something, Ray. How long did you think you'd be able to use me and your Mom?
Ray: How's that?
Debra: You didn't think I was smart enough to see what you were doing?
Ray: I don't- What are you talking about?
Debra: Don't play dumb with me!
Ray: I'm not, this is how I am!
Debra: You know, you're not exactly subtle. Sitting there like some Roman emperor. "Bring me my pizza!" "Serve me my wine!" "Pretend you're a lonely nurse!"

Quote from Marie

Marie: What's going on here?
Frank: Hey, Robert, why don't you run crying to your mommy and tell her about how mean we just were to you?
Ray: Yeah, squeal on us again, mommy-lover! That's right, that's right!
Marie: Shut up, Raymond. [all gasp]
Ray: We don't say "shut up" in this house.
Marie: First of all, it's never squealing if you're telling something to your mother. And I happen to appreciate Robbie letting me know what you two are trying to do to Debra and me. [to Robert] I would be happy to make you something to eat.

Quote from Robert

Marie: Tell me something, Robert. Who did you talk to first about this, Debra or me?
Robert: I don't remember.
Marie: You went to her first, because you couldn't wait to take her side over mine!
Robert: I'm on no one's side!
Marie: You obviously don't love me the way I love you. Get out!
Robert: Ma, I'm on the family's side!
Marie: Frank, throw him out!
Frank: With pleasure!
Robert: All right, I'm going! But let me just say this when we are all in that Big Bed... I'll be the only one able to sleep through the night. [exits]
Ray: I ain't sleeping in that bed with him, he sleeps naked.

Quote from Marie

Marie: Frank, if you're gonna have cereal, you can't just leave the milk sitting out! How many times have I told you that?
Frank: A thousand. Might as well just give it up.
Marie: Look at this place. It's a pig sty! You're like some kind of an animal!
Frank: A pig?
Marie: Just watch yourself, mister.

Quote from Frank

Frank: I tell ya, this thing with Debra's got her nuttier than ever. They should just lace up the gloves and go at it in the back yard.
Robert: Come on, those two are going through a tough time. All you can think about is how it affects you?
Frank: You're like a lady.

Quote from Ray

Ray: You know what I noticed? Even when Debra's all wah-wah-wah-wah, if she finds out I'm coming over here, she goes out of her way to be nice to me.
Frank: What do you mean?
Ray: Well, like yesterday, Ma wanted me to come over, and Debra all of a sudden was like, "Hey, why don't you go hit a bucket of balls?"
Frank: She told you to go to the driving range?
Ray: Yeah. And then I also went on the go-carts. Hey, you know what? You should try this with Mom, get what you want. Just talk to her, and throw Debra into the mix.
Frank: Aah, I like that. Except for the "talk to her" part.

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