Amy: You've been talking to Joanne about getting back together. For how long, sweetie?
Robert: I don't know. Before Italy, but see, that's why I'm telling you, because I wanna be totally honest, because I feel that we are meant to be.
Amy: Meant to be.
Robert: Don't you?
Amy: Let me see. You've been talking with your ex-wife for over a month behind my back-
Robert: Well, yeah, but see you're not focusing on the positive part of the story.
Amy: Oh, but I am, Robert. I'm happy. I mean, this is all such wonderful news. You've been deceitful and you're settling for me. But, hey, before I get really really really happy, is there anything else you want to share with me?
Robert: No.
Amy: Well, good, because I don't think I could get much happier. And thank you for another fabulous evening. Tonight, I'm taking the leftovers. I'll be in the office tomorrow if anybody wants to send me flowers.
Robert: [to the waitress] Perhaps we should cancel the spumoni.

Debra: Why would you get involved with someone else when you already have a relationship? What, does juggling three women at a time make you cool? [they look to Ray]
Ray: Uncool.
Debra: You know, if that's the only way that you can build your self-esteem, then you are pathetic, and you don't deserve to be with anyone.
Robert: That's easy for you to say.
Debra: What was that?
Ray: Lay down, play dead.
Robert: We all know about you, okay, Deb? You were popular. You juggled guys all the time. How many guys asked you to your senior prom, huh? Five, six? You wanna know who I took to my prom? Our Cousin Nellie.
Ray: He threw up on her.
Robert: Somebody spiked the punch!

Robert: Could I get some frozen baby peas, Deb?
Debra: You know what, Robert? You get your own damn peas.
Robert: What what, are you mad at me? What did I do?
Debra: What did you do?
Robert: Hey, look, you're the one who told Amy about Stefania in the first place. You should be apologizing to me.
[Debra turns around and gives Robert the look. Ray backs away and hides behind the couch]
Debra: And what you should have done is tell Amy the truth about everything. Or better yet, not be such a pig in the first place.
Robert: That's the worst apology I've ever gotten.

Robert: Oh, good, Amy, you're here. I'm gonna need your office address.
Amy: Who the hell is Stefania?
Robert: Uh... uh... uh...
Amy: Sounds like a girl's name. Girl you met in Italy?
Robert: Uh...
Amy: What did you do with her in Italy?
Robert: Very little.
[Amy steps up onto the couch and slaps Robert across the face]
Robert: I'm sorry.
[Amy steps down off the couch, walks over to the door and then turns back. She jumps up on the couch and once again slaps Robert across the face]
Amy: I saved myself for you.
Robert: Really sorry.
Amy: Goodbye, Robert. [exits]
Robert: But we're meant to be.
Ray: When she got up on the couch the second time, what did you think she was gonna do?

Ray: Are you out of your mind? You got Amy on hold, you got Stefania in Italy and now you're dating Joanne again?
Robert: No dating, okay? Just talking on the phone, you know, like friends.
Ray: Friends. The woman threw an ashtray at your head.
Robert: It's called passion, Raymond. And who knows? There might still be some sparks there.
Frank: Then someone should throw a fire extinguisher at your head.
Robert: Joanne has changed a lot, okay? She's not like she used to be. Three women, I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Ray: You do a dance, you gigantic lucky bastard.
Robert: I know. I know. I can't believe it. I never thought I'd have three women my whole life.
Frank: Hey, we all lost money on that bet.

Frank: You know how you can tell which one is the right broad?
Robert: Look, it's all right, Dad, I don't have-
Frank: Shut up. It's simple. Which lady is going to take care of you, cook for you, let you have the good pillow?
Ray: Dad, you're 100. Shouldn't you have more than one good pillow?
Frank: It's the whole package. Which one is gonna laugh at your jokes?
Robert: Well, they all do, except Stefania doesn't speak English very well, so I have to do a lot of hand gestures, funny noises.
Ray: Which one doesn't freak out when they see this coming at them?
Robert: Ha-ha, Raymond!
Frank: Who's got hips wide enough to bear your enormous children?

Frank: What was that face you did? [Ray does the kissy face again] Poor Debra.
Ray: What? "Poor Debra." I'm doing a face, Dad.
Frank: Are you doing a face right now?
Ray: No.
Frank: Poor Debra.

Amy: Oh, he's horrible. And he expects me to be grateful because he told me when he didn't have to.
Debra: That's unbelievable.
Amy: He's acting like he has nothing to apologize for.
Debra: I know, and just because he was on vacation, that is no excuse.
Amy: Vacation? He took Joanne on vacation?
Debra: No, no, no, Stefania.
Amy: Who?
Debra: W- What?
Amy: Who's Stefania?
Debra: Wait, who's who? Wait, what name did you say? Oh my gosh, look at that. Your hair looks so good that way.

Debra: [to Robert] Okay, well, I'm really sorry about you and your cousin, but that was high school. I grew up. I realized the only thing that matters is having someone that understands me, that'll be there for me, somebody that I want to grow old with. [Ray tries to put his arms around Debra] Get off of me! I thought that you felt that way about Amy.
Robert: Well, I did. I do.
Debra: Then why would you fool around with Stefania?
Ray: Have you seen Stefania?

Marie: I just saw Amy. She's crying. Did you break up again?
Robert: Yeah, and I think it's for good this time, Ma, but it's all right. I'll be fine.
Marie: You'll be fine? What about me? [hits Robert with a couch cushion] Amy was gonna give me more grandchildren!
Robert: Come on! Stop it!
Marie: And there was talk of a guest house. I could leave your father if I wanted.
Robert: Stop it!
Marie: Oh, God, I can't do this anymore. I can't. Do you want to kill me? Because you're killing me.
Robert: Sorry.
Marie: Good. Now pick up this phone and tell that to Amy.
Robert: No, Ma, I can't call her now.
Marie: Well, I could see how this would be a little awkward. Don't worry. I know what to say.