Marie: Is everything all right, dear?
Lois: Oh, he is just impossible.
Marie: Go on.
Debra: Mom? Are you-
Marie: It's all right, dear. We're talking.
Lois: I am so tired of my opinion counting for nothing! Everything has to be his way! I swear, ever since he retired, it's not like I'm his wife anymore, I'm his employee, and it's all I can do to keep from strangling him.
Marie: I feel so close to you.
Lois: Do you know he makes me iron his jeans? He insists that they have a crease.
Marie: At least he can wear jeans. The last time I got a pair for Frank, it was from the maternity jeans. And I told him they were just stretchy. [Marie and Lois hug]
Debra: Oh, my God.

Marie: Well, pardon me for saying it, but isn't that a little hypocritical? I mean, here I am, ready to embrace this.
Lois: I know, and pardon me for saying this, but maybe in this case it really isn't up to you. I mean, well, heaven forbid you don't get your way for once. [laughs]
Marie: [faint chuckle] May I just ask, what the hell is that supposed to mean?
Lois: I'm just going by what I see around here.
Marie: At least I'm always here, not like some mothers.
Lois: Well, some mothers might say that you're here a little too much.

Lois: Oh, yes. You'd like for everyone to see that, wouldn't you?
Warren: What? All of a sudden, discussing our sex life is verboten?
Lois: Ech! That face!
Warren: What face?
Lois: Your language face! Verboten? Oosbach?
Warren: I never make that face!
Lois: You have a face for everything. Here is your how-is-my-hair face. Oh, and my favorite, "We're out of vermouth?"

Warren: You are so damn negative. You don't think we need a little help? How about the sex? What about the sex?
Lois: I am not withholding sex from you! I'm tired! Can I ever be tired?! Is that allowed?!
Warren: Well, I'm never too tired. We're both down on this. That's a good quality.

Lois: Why don't you like me, Raymond?
Ray: What? What are you talking about? I like you.
Lois: Let's be honest. You are so uncomfortable around me. You never say more than two words. And it seems whenever we are together, you'll do just about anything to get away from me. I mean, what am I supposed to think? You- You don't like me, you don't like my ideas. I just wish it were different between us.

Warren: Frank, I assure you, it's okay. We've been here before.
Frank: So you don't even know when you're being taken?
Ray: Dad, nobody's being taken, all right? Calm down. Just try to enjoy yourself.
Debra: Frank has an eye for value.
Marie: You're really comfortable in a place like this? I mean, it seems so unnecessary.
Lois: Well, of course, it's not necessary, Marie. It's a luxury. But sometimes a little luxury is necessary.
Marie: What does that mean?

Lois: You know, Debra, I'm glad I'm not staying at a hotel. Because being here with you is giving me a chance to see what a great mom you are.
Debra: Really?
Lois: Really.
Debra: Well, thank you.
Lois: And you, you like the cleaning and the cooking and the running around after the kids, huh?
Debra: You know, I guess I do. [both laugh]
Lois: I don't know where you get it from. [Marie smiles at them]

Warren: I need the vermouth to put up with your phoniness. "Oh, we're off to Baden-Baden." "Oh, Robert, how wonderful to see you again." Come on, you know the guy freaks you out.
Lois: You are exactly the same. And these are not the people to tell that you're going to marriage counseling!
Warren: Lois, it's only for a week.
Lois: Oh, yes! Only a week of marriage counseling in New Jersey. It's like getting shot and then hung!
Warren: Hanged.

Lois: Well, it's not a full week. So can't we talk about something else? Robert, has your stone passed?
Robert: I will never understand you.

Debra: You know, Mom, I just don't think that you-
Ray: Deb, Deb, Deb, I think if your mom's okay with it, isn't that what's important?
Lois: Honey, you know I still care for your father very much, and if this girl is what he needs to feel better about himself, to feel younger, I say good for him. Okay?
Debra: I guess, yeah.
Lois: Okay. Good, good. And who knows? Soon I just may be out there looking for an eligible younger man myself. [laughs]
[camera pans to Robert who awkwardly chuckles]