Frank Barone Quotes Page 1 of 58
Quote from Confronting the Attacker
Debra: Look, Robert's scared, you know? He needs to get some help. He's gotta face his fears. If he doesn't, he's not gonna get any better.
Frank: All right, enough. "Face his fears." So he got a little scared. So what? You think I wasn't scared in Korea?
Marie: Oh, God.
Frank: We were all scared. We didn't have shrinks. You know what snapped us out of it? 50,000 screaming Chinamen!
Ray: But, Dad, where's Robert gonna get his hands on 50,000 screaming Chinamen?
Quote from Wallpaper
Frank: I'll have the brakes checked when I get the taillight fixed.
Debra: The taillight?! Frank! Look at the house.
Frank: I saw it. Look at this. This drywall, it's like paper. Probably foreign-made. On the other hand, say what you want about American cars.... Beats a house.
Quote from Frank Goes Downstairs
Marie: So that's how you both fell? A race around the house, which you often do as a tradition?
Ray: Uh, yeah.
Frank: Stupid, humped-up termite trap!
[Frank falls through the stairs]
Marie: Oh, my God! Frank, are you all right?
Frank: [o.s.] Holy crap!
Marie: Don't move, I'm coming right down!
Frank: [o.s.] I'm in enough pain!
Quote from Talk to Your Daughter
Debra: Will you please stop? It turns out Ally doesn't want to know how we get here, she wants to know why we're here, why God put us on Earth. And she's waiting for Ray to answer her.
Frank: What's wrong with you? It's simple.
Ray: Oh, okay. Yeah. We're gonna learn the meaning of life from a guy who once threw his shoe at a swan.
Frank: That's called protecting your sandwich. Listen to me. Here's what life is: you're born, you go to school, you go to work, you die. That's it. That's all. Cannoli, Marie!
Quote from The Nice Talk
Frank: Can I watch TV now?
Marie: No, Frank.
Frank: Then what the hell are we gonna do all night?
Hank: Less cursing, I hope.
Frank: Who cursed?
Hank: You referred to the antipode of heaven.
Frank: What the hell kind of moon-man talk is that?
Quote from Mother's Day
Frank: Let me ask you something, pal. What have you had, a tough week? Well, I've been living with your mother since... before you were born!
Ray: Debra wouldn't let the twins tell a "knock, knock" joke!
Frank: She's right! "Knock, knock" jokes stink!
Ray: That's not the point! Mom came over with her friends to show how cute the twins are telling a "knock, knock" joke, and Debra couldn't even give her that little of joy!
Frank: Well, who the hell is Marie to come barging in, demanding joy, when Debra's wrestling with the damn kids?
Ray: She didn't have to be so rude!
Frank: Rude is the only thing that gets through to her! How do you think I got the way I am? I used to be a gentleman!
Quote from The Bird
Marie: Excuse me, but how do you know the bird couldn't be saved? I mean, you're not a veterinarian.
Pat: No, but I have lived in the country my whole life.
Amy: Mom grew up on a farm.
Frank: I bet the chickens slept with one eye open.
Quote from The Letter
Marie: We have no secrets in this family. Keep reading, Frank.
Frank: With pleasure. "Just because we are family, and happen also to be neighbors does not give you the right to constantly interfere in every aspect of my life..." [Frank laughs, covers it with a cough] "...from raising my children to my choice of liquid fabric softener."
Ray: I want you guys to know right now that Debra has a drinking problem.
Marie: Keep reading.
Ray: Come on, Dad.
Frank: Stop it. "I'm sure you don't even realize when you're being overbearing, critical, and intrusive." ls this a petition? Where do I sign?
Quote from Traffic School
Debra: No, I think we were all a little bit insensitive.
Ray: Robert's got no sense of humor about himself.
Frank: That's right. You've got to be able to laugh at yourself. Look at me, I laugh at your mother all the time.
Marie: I'm not you, Frank.
Frank: I know. But I'm married to you, so the joke's on me.
Quote from The Toaster
Marie: We're just checking these.
Sales Clerk: I can assure you they're all exactly like the display model.
Marie: See, here's one where the pamphlet's a little folded.
Frank: What are you doing? That's not a believable complaint.
Marie: It's perfectly valid.
Frank: Can't you ever just be quiet?
Marie: Don't you tell me to be quiet! I have a mind of my own, you know? I can contribute. I'm not just some trophy wife!
Frank: You're a trophy wife? What contest in hell did I win?