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‘Bad Moon Rising’ Quotes

Everybody Loves Raymond: Bad Moon Rising

422. Bad Moon Rising

Aired May 8, 2000

After Debra airs her displeasure with the mess Ray has left around the house, he blames it on her time of the month.

Quote from Marie

Debra: I cannot take this anymore. Okay, you make a huge mess, you don't help me at all, you invite your friends over to drive me crazy all day, and all you can think of is, "Oh, she must have PMS. Let's just load her up with drugs."
Ray: No, it's got St. Johns worts in it.
Debra: I can't believe you. If there's ever anything wrong, it's PMS, huh? I don't know what to do! Sometimes I just want to smack you!
[As Ray turns around with a grin on his face, Marie slaps him]
Marie: Debra's right, Raymond. I'm sorry.
Ray: You smacked me.
Marie: I know I did. I'm sorry.
Ray: W- W- What did you do that for?
Marie: It's just that it sounds like you're becoming just like your father. [slaps Ray again]
Ray: What are you doing?
Marie: I don't know. I don't know. It's just that he was so awful during my... ladies' days. Anytime I happened to make a comment about his usual disgusting behavior, he would just blame it on that.
Debra: That's what Ray does.
Marie: That's what they all do.

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Quote from Debra

Debra: Where's my tape recorder, Ray? Where was my tape recorder when I was in labor with the twins for 36 hours and you were asking the nurse if the TV gets ESPN?
Ray: 36 hours, that's not a short time.
Debra: Yeah, guess what? It's even longer when you're trying to push two human beings out of your body while your husband's going, "Does this hospital have fudgesicles?" Yeah, where's my tape recorder, huh? Or when you ask me why I get so upset because I find your underpants in the kitchen, huh? Or when you start snoring at my grandmother's funeral? Or when you tape a football game over our wedding video?!
Ray: Do you really need a tape recorder? You seem to remember everything.

Quote from Frank

Ray: Just don't worry about me, all right? I'll just ride it out.
Frank: You dumb bastard.
Ray: What?
Frank: "Ride it out." You put a stop to this now.
Ray: All right, Dad, all right.
Frank: Let me ask you she's in a bad mood, what, two, three days tops? Not so tough now, right? Pretty soon she's gonna get a mood that lasts five days. Then it's a week. And before you know it, what used to be a bad mood now takes over and becomes her only mood. And then, you become like me where not a day goes by that I don't wish there was a comet screaming towards Earth to bring me sweet relief.

Quote from Frank

Frank: So you think I'm just rude and insensitive? That I'm so tough to live with, and you're the Queen of Sheba? Did you ever hear yourself? Well, in case you haven't, here's a little trick that my boy Raymond taught me.
Frank: [on tape] I said, "Where's my eggs?"
Frank: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Here it is.
Frank: [on tape] What? It's just my feet! They're not dirty.
Frank: Oh, crap. Hey, where you going? You scared you're gonna hear something you don't like?
Frank: [on tape] If I scratch it, it's because it itches!

Quote from Debra

Debra: I'm out of here.
Ray: Oh, come on, where you going?
Debra: Maybe I'll call Amy. Maybe I'll go to the mall, do some shopping.
Marie: I'm leaving, too. I'm gonna talk to your father.
Ray: Oh, please, come on. Debra, Debra, please.
Debra: Don't say one more word, or I'll send your mother right back in here to smack the crap out of you.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Look, I know a lot of stuff's going on femininally. You know, I know it's not your fault.
I understand that. It's, uh you know, it's like a Jekyll and Hyde thing. Only more Hyde. If he's the bad one. It was Hyde, right? Whatever- Whatever- Whatever it is, I know it's not you that's yelling at my friends for making a mess or getting all crazy about clothes on the hamper. I know that that's not you. That's Hyde. If he was the bad one. But you know what? While I was out today, I got you something. I really I want to help you feel better, you know, and and and this should take care of all your symptoms.
Debra: Except for bitchy, right, Ray?
Ray: What do you mean?
Debra: I mean, there's nothing in here for bitchy.
Ray: Probably need a prescription for bitchy.
Debra: Boy, this is just like you, Ray. Just when I think that you can't be any more insensitive, you rise to the occasion.

Quote from Marie

Ray: What are you talking about? I'm just trying to help.
Marie: You should be quiet.
Debra: Yes. Yes. Oh, no, he is trying to help. Look what he did. Look what he bought me. Magic pills, huh? Maybe I should try some. Oh, look, Ray's clothes just flew off the bed and into the hamper. These really work.
Marie: Oh, let me have one. Oh, Frank's toenails just crawled right into the garbage can.
Ray: What are you what are you doing, Mom? It's me, Raymie.
Marie: Raymond, you know that I always let you two fight your own battles, but I can't let you go on with this cycle of your father's imbecility.

Quote from Ray

Debra: My needing to get out of here once in a while has nothing to do with my ladies' days.
Ray: Bull-loney.
Debra: What?
Ray: Baloney! You wanna see? 'Cause I don't care, okay? I don't care anymore. I tried to be nice and that doesn't work. Here, look at this. Do you see this day? That's today. Now, this is last month. What a coincidence that on the same day last month I found my golf clubs upside down in the garbage can! I'm telling you, I'm sick of this, all right? Every month, the same wacko screaming at me for no reason! Having meltdowns and crying. Crying over nothing! And you won't even admit what it is, and God forbid I should mention what might be the problem! You know what I think? I think that you enjoy your ladies' days, 'cause I deserve to be treated like this. "Oh, look what day it is. Oh, come here, Ray. Pow pow pow! Oh, I've been saving that up." And then after a couple days of that, you're like, "Oh, sorry, Ray, I was just a little bit you know..." And by the way, the next time I used those clubs, I shot a 110, so don't think I don't know you didn't put a curse on them.
Debra: You are out of your mind.
Ray: No, you are! Once a month! If what I'm saying isn't true, how come you don't treat me like this on all the other days?

Quote from Debra

Ray: Listen, I'm sorry. I know what it's like to hear yourself on tape. I remember when I heard my first radio interview. First of all, I sounded like Snuffleupagus. I said, "Do I really sound like that?" And Andy-
Debra: Oh, would you stop it? I'm not crying because of what I sound like. I'm crying because I'm married to an insensitive derfwad, who instead of trying to make life better for his wife, tape records her so he has proof that she's a terrible person.
Ray: What's a derfwad?
Debra: What, was that tape for the guys, huh? You gonna play it for the guys. "Hey, come on, fellas, step right up and listen to the witch who killed my good time."

Quote from Frank

Andy: Oh, man! Why can't I hit a ball like that?
Gianni: I could answer that, or you could just look in the mirror.
Frank: [enters] All right, what did I miss?
Gianni: The Swedish guy is starting to choke.
Frank: Swedish guy? Who taught him how to swing? Heidi?
Andy: Actually, Heidi was Swiss.
Frank: Get out of my chair.

Quote from Frank

Ray: People, shut up, all of you guys.
Robert: What, what's wrong?
Ray: Nothing, it's Debra's not feeling well... bio-hormonally.
Frank: Oh, got it. The enemy within.
Ray: So, do me a favor, just don't give her a reason- Be cool, be cool, be cool.

Quote from Ray

Debra: Hey, Ray, these were on top of the hamper. Are they dirty, or are they clean?
Ray: Yeah, those are dirty.
Debra: Okay, well, then, Ray, let me enlighten you as to how a hamper works, okay? There's a lid on it, and that lid lifts up. Now, you take your clothes not your clean clothes, not the clothes you're wearing right now, but your dirty clothes you lift that lid, you insert the clothes and you shut that lid.
Ray: [chuckles] Yeah, got it, got it.
Debra: This is very nice, Ray. Yeah, this is very nice. Pretzel crumbs all over the place.
Ray: I'm gonna clean those up.
Debra: [laughs]
Ray: [to the guys] Okay, see what I'm talking about? Freakin' mood swings. If they find me chopped up in a freezer, don't believe the suicide note.

Quote from Robert

Robert: It's a rough time of the month. You know, a lot of criminals turn themselves in when their wives are like this.

Quote from Robert

Andy: Is Debra aware how she's coming off to others?
Ray: I mean, she doesn't hear herself. Then if I bring it up to her, she gets all nuts and denies it. That's the sickness.
Gianni: You should get her on tape and make her listen to it.
Robert: You wanna wear a wire? I'll shave you down and hook you up.

Quote from Gianni

Andy: Why doesn't she just take something for this?
Ray: What's she gonna take?
Robert: Raymond, have you ever been in a drugstore. Huh? There's a whole wing dedicated to this problem.
Ray: Yeah, all right, what am I gonna do- What am I gonna do? Buy her something? Besides, I wouldn't even know what to get.
Gianni: Get 'em all.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Hey, banjo pants. Hope you're in the mood for some delicious Italian. And I don't mean just me. Big bag of Nemo's takeout.
Debra: Oh.
Ray: What? I went by and I stopped, and I picked up some dinner. I also picked up some after-dinner mints, which for your sake I've already dipped into.

Quote from Ray

Ray: What did you do?
Debra: I told you. I went shopping with Amy.
Ray: Shopping. For five hours. Where are your shopping bags?
Debra: Oh, I didn't buy anything. We just walked around for awhile, then we went back to Amy's and just sat around, talking, relaxing.
Ray: Oh, sit around talking, relaxing. Wanna hear my evening? I fed the kids dinner. Peanut butter and jelly. Then I gave 'em a bath 'cause they were covered in peanut butter and jelly. Then I'm mean 'cause I won't let them sleep in a tree house, and then they went to bed yelling and screaming. So, that was my evening, thank you very much.
Debra: Well, that's my evening every night, so...
Ray: Oh, don't even! You just wanted me to suffer tonight.
Debra: What?
Ray: Yes. It's not fair. You get to walk out and do whatever you want. And, let's just say it, use your ladies' days as an excuse to treat me rotten every month.

Quote from Ray

Debra: I treat you just fine, Ray. You're just mad, 'cause you had to spend one lousy night with the kids!
Ray: So you don't go crazy this time of month?
Debra: No.
Ray: You remain perfectly calm, don't overreact, don't treat me meanly or yell at me like a screaming raving maniac?
Debra: No, I do not.
Ray: [holds tape recorder] 4:38 today, right when the guys went home.
Debra: [on tape] "I've told you eight million times, when you empty the dryer you clean the lint screen! Look at all this lint. What, do you like lint, Ray? Maybe I'll get you some for your birthday. Happy birthday, Ray. Here's your lint!"
Ray: I just thought you'd, you know, wanna hear what you sound like when you're like this. Okay?
Debra: [crying] You are a gigantic ass!
Ray: 10:32, "gigantic ass".

Quote from Debra

Ray: Honey, I think you make some excellent points here, but I can't help wondering that maybe part of the reason you're so upset right now might possibly be PMS-related.
Debra: Would somebody get me a tape recorder? Because I cannot believe you said that!
Ray: I just don't know what to do.
Debra: Yeah. Yeah, no kidding. Listen, if I had PMS and I'm not saying that I have is that how you help me, by taping me, by telling me I have PMS? That doesn't help me, Ray! That doesn't help me!
Ray: Well, what do you want me to do?! I don't know what to do! Show me what to do! Just draw it out for me!
Debra: Have you ever thought about giving me a hug?
Ray: A hug?!
Debra: Yes, a hug. Did you ever think of hugging me, you jerk?!
Ray: Well, it's pretty hard to hug someone who's trying to kill you!
Debra: Yeah, well, it never occurred to you because you've never tried it before!
Ray: Well, look, this is not huggable! This this is not Debra. This is the woman shows up once a month to rip into me like a monkey on a cupcake! All right, that's it! That's the reason I taped you, so you could hear yourself and maybe admit that there might be a problem that isn't just me being a dorkwang or whatever!

Quote from Ray

Ray: Look, it's for bloating. "For bloating, cramps", and right there, "irritability associated with PMS." We have a winner. Goes great with ginger ale. Okay, here we go. Here we go. [Debra knocks the pill out of Ray's hands] What? Hey, come on.
Debra: Why don't you just lock me in the attic for a few days?
Ray: [tries to hug Debra] You're the one you're- You're the one who said, "Hug me." The hug was your idea. [to himself] Come on, comet.


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