Debra: Don't feel that way.
Ray: Well, don't tell me how to feel!
Debra: And there it is.
Ray: Huh?
Debra: I'll just give you a moment to put it together. After the auction, Ray, when I was feeling embarrassed and humiliated, didn't you say the same thing to me? "Don't feel that way." Remember that?
Ray: I do remember that. Because that's when you started torturing me. Oh, oh. So you didn't do anything? You let me do this to myself? All week long I could have had soda? I could have had brownies? I could have worn underwear? So it was all me? That's how you got me?
Debra: Nothing I could think of could screw you up more than what's already in that beautiful mind. Good night, Ray.

Ray: Come on. You know, they say couples shouldn't go to bed angry.
Debra: I'm not angry anymore, Ray. Good night.
Ray: Look, you're not angry anymore? I might not believe you. You might have to prove that. Oh, okay. I see. That's how you're gonna get me, holding back sex? Oh, how original. You think that's gonna get me? I'm a sex camel. Without sex. Sex camel. That's a good one. Sex camel. I should write that one down.
Debra: Laugh it up, funny man.

Frank: Debra, what kind of con game are you running?
Marie: It's your own fault, Frank. Who told you to sign up for all those things?
Frank: I didn't expect to win this crap.
Debra: It's not crap, Frank.
Frank: Oh yeah? $80 for the use of a canoe. That is floating crap.
Marie: Some people would consider a canoe ride romantic.
Frank: Guess you didn't see Deliverance.

Marie: Frank, you're bidding on the pedicure? Why are you signing up for all these things?
Frank: Leave me alone, I'm just trying to drive the prices up.
Marie: You're just trying to be a big shot. Why don't you pick one little thing that you really like...
Frank: Hey, hey, hey, silent auction!

Ray: Hi. Hi everybody, I guess it's time for the live auction. I'm Ray. I'm Ray the auction guy. And, uh, how about a hand for the roast beef? Let's hear it for that roast beef. [Marie claps] I guess what, are the rest of you are veterinarians or something? I mean vegetarians. Anyway, listen, we're here for the kids because, uh, they're the future and they deserve... They deserves a new playground, really. So that they can slide and swing upside down and break their necks.
Debra: Just start.

Debra: Well, you embarrassed me.
Ray: What? No! It was all fun. Come on, I told you, people thought that we did it on purpose.
Debra: I felt humiliated.
Ray: Don't feel humiliated.
Debra: Don't tell me how to feel.
Ray: But you're wrong!
Debra: There's no right or wrong, Ray, this is how I feel. You can not tell me not to be humiliated, I just am.
Ray: Okay, all right, feel humiliated.
Debra: Well, I don't anymore.

Ray: You see that? She's evil.
Robert: What?
Ray: I told you. I told you. It's bigger than soda. That's where it's all going down, at the Pro-Am.
Robert: You mean where she gonna get you?
Ray: Shut up. Yes, of course, it's perfect. She's always been jealous of my golf. She knows how much I love it and how much time and money I spend on it. She wants to humiliate me with my mistress. I know her, man. I know her. I am hip to her jive.
But she's hip to me too. So that's why- Listen, you got to go in there and find out what she's up to.
Robert: How?
Ray: Do what cops do. I don't know, just get the truth. Make her talk before she lawyers up. Come on, I don't know, use the big light.
Robert: What are you, loopy? She's your wife, she's not gonna humiliate you.
Ray: I don't have time to explain marriage to you.

Ray: What, what, what?
Robert: She's not gonna get you.
Ray: How do you know?
Robert: 'Cause I said to her are you gonna get Raymond? She said no. Case closed.
Ray: That's it?
Robert: Oh, yeah, and she also said the twins aren't yours.

Ray: Just so you know, I canceled it.
Debra: What? Canceled what?
Ray: The golf outing. Backed out.
Debra: What? Why?
Ray: Why? Because you smell, sweetheart.
Debra: Oh my God, I have to leave you.
Ray: No, no. That's where you're gonna do it. That's where you're gonna set your trap. I know how your mind works.
Debra: You don't even know how your mind works. I'm not going to get you.

Ray: Hey, Doodles.
Debra: Hey. Want to see my jewelry box?
Ray: Okay, yeah. Want to see my shoe tree?