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‘Getting Even’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Loves Raymond: Getting Even

304. Getting Even

Aired October 12, 1998

Ray nervously awaits Debra's revenge after he makes fun of her at a charity auction.

Quote from Debra

Debra: Don't feel that way.
Ray: Well, don't tell me how to feel!
Debra: And there it is.
Ray: Huh?
Debra: I'll just give you a moment to put it together. After the auction, Ray, when I was feeling embarrassed and humiliated, didn't you say the same thing to me? "Don't feel that way." Remember that?
Ray: I do remember that. Because that's when you started torturing me. Oh, oh. So you didn't do anything? You let me do this to myself? All week long I could have had soda? I could have had brownies? I could have worn underwear? So it was all me? That's how you got me?
Debra: Nothing I could think of could screw you up more than what's already in that beautiful mind. Good night, Ray.

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Quote from Ray

Ray: Come on. You know, they say couples shouldn't go to bed angry.
Debra: I'm not angry anymore, Ray. Good night.
Ray: Look, you're not angry anymore? I might not believe you. You might have to prove that. Oh, okay. I see. That's how you're gonna get me, holding back sex? Oh, how original. You think that's gonna get me? I'm a sex camel. Without sex. Sex camel. That's a good one. Sex camel. I should write that one down.
Debra: Laugh it up, funny man.

Quote from Frank

Frank: Debra, what kind of con game are you running?
Marie: It's your own fault, Frank. Who told you to sign up for all those things?
Frank: I didn't expect to win this crap.
Debra: It's not crap, Frank.
Frank: Oh yeah? $80 for the use of a canoe. That is floating crap.
Marie: Some people would consider a canoe ride romantic.
Frank: Guess you didn't see Deliverance.

Quote from Frank

Marie: Frank, you're bidding on the pedicure? Why are you signing up for all these things?
Frank: Leave me alone, I'm just trying to drive the prices up.
Marie: You're just trying to be a big shot. Why don't you pick one little thing that you really like...
Frank: Hey, hey, hey, silent auction!

Quote from Ray

Ray: Hi. Hi everybody, I guess it's time for the live auction. I'm Ray. I'm Ray the auction guy. And, uh, how about a hand for the roast beef? Let's hear it for that roast beef. [Marie claps] I guess what, are the rest of you are veterinarians or something? I mean vegetarians. Anyway, listen, we're here for the kids because, uh, they're the future and they deserve... They deserves a new playground, really. So that they can slide and swing upside down and break their necks.
Debra: Just start.

Quote from Debra

Debra: Well, you embarrassed me.
Ray: What? No! It was all fun. Come on, I told you, people thought that we did it on purpose.
Debra: I felt humiliated.
Ray: Don't feel humiliated.
Debra: Don't tell me how to feel.
Ray: But you're wrong!
Debra: There's no right or wrong, Ray, this is how I feel. You can not tell me not to be humiliated, I just am.
Ray: Okay, all right, feel humiliated.
Debra: Well, I don't anymore.

Quote from Ray

Ray: You see that? She's evil.
Robert: What?
Ray: I told you. I told you. It's bigger than soda. That's where it's all going down, at the Pro-Am.
Robert: You mean where she gonna get you?
Ray: Shut up. Yes, of course, it's perfect. She's always been jealous of my golf. She knows how much I love it and how much time and money I spend on it. She wants to humiliate me with my mistress. I know her, man. I know her. I am hip to her jive.
But she's hip to me too. So that's why- Listen, you got to go in there and find out what she's up to.
Robert: How?
Ray: Do what cops do. I don't know, just get the truth. Make her talk before she lawyers up. Come on, I don't know, use the big light.
Robert: What are you, loopy? She's your wife, she's not gonna humiliate you.
Ray: I don't have time to explain marriage to you.

Quote from Robert

Ray: What, what, what?
Robert: She's not gonna get you.
Ray: How do you know?
Robert: 'Cause I said to her are you gonna get Raymond? She said no. Case closed.
Ray: That's it?
Robert: Oh, yeah, and she also said the twins aren't yours.

Quote from Debra

Ray: Just so you know, I canceled it.
Debra: What? Canceled what?
Ray: The golf outing. Backed out.
Debra: What? Why?
Ray: Why? Because you smell, sweetheart.
Debra: Oh my God, I have to leave you.
Ray: No, no. That's where you're gonna do it. That's where you're gonna set your trap. I know how your mind works.
Debra: You don't even know how your mind works. I'm not going to get you.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Hey, Doodles.
Debra: Hey. Want to see my jewelry box?
Ray: Okay, yeah. Want to see my shoe tree?

Quote from Ray

Debra: I made it for the auction.
Ray: What auction?
Debra: The auction, Ray. You know, it's all I've been talking about for the past month. I'm on the organizing committee, the auction for Ally's school for the playground equipment. The auction!
Ray: I know, I remember. The auction, you're on the committee for the playground equipment. That's all you've been talking about. I listen to you.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Okay. Here we go, we're gonna start with the... with the jewelry box... where you, uh...
Debra: Put your jewelry.
Ray: Put your jewelry right in that. And we'll start the bidding at, what?
Debra: 20.
Ray: Dollars?
Debra: Yeah, $20.
Ray: $20. Who's gonna bid $20 for this fine piece of craftsmanship, finely crafted by a fine craftsman who I happen to sleep with?

Quote from Ray

Ray: Do I hear $3 for this finely, finely crafted pile of rubble almost? Who's got a bag? If you've got a bag, you can have it. [Robert raises his hand] Oh, mercy bid, right there. Thank you. Thank you, Officer Barone. You can lock up your tiny little prisoners in there, although I think it's gonna be easy for them to get out. Everything my wife touches falls off, so you can guess how scared I am.

Quote from Debra

Ray: Hey, puddlepants. Now, give Gumby some Pokey. [kisses Debra] Whoa! I don't wanna say that was cold, but if your mouth opened a little light would come on.
Debra: I'm just not really in the mood, okay?
Ray: Come on. What, not in the mood? Tonight was great. The kids got the new playground and I got the golf thing, you got to go home with the auctioneer. So who's in the mood? Do I hear in the mood?
Debra: Aren't you afraid if I touch it, it'll fall off?
Ray: That was a good joke, wasn't it? People asked me if I'd planned that, and I said, "No, I just came up with it like that."
Debra: You're a brilliant farceur.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Come on, what do you- Don't be such a bad sport.
Debra: What if you were me? What would you do?
Ray: I would laugh at all my husband's jokes, strip off my clothes, have my way with him and then put on TV.
Debra: Keep dreaming.
Ray: I would- I'd be so naughty. I might even talk dirty, oh!

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