Marie: Raymond's upset. It's okay, dear. It's just preschool.
Debra: That's what I told him. And if he has to stay, Geoffrey will stay with him.
Marie: Oh, that's good.
Frank: No, no, no!
Debra: Why not, Frank?
Frank: Law of nature, you get left behind, you get eaten. You're too soft on the kids. You gotta push 'em, push 'em forward. Just keep pushing 'em!
Debra: Until when, Frank?
Frank: Until they cry. That's nature's way of letting you know you've pushed enough.
Robert: Here's a man they let have two children.

Ray: You tell your brother this!
Robert: I couldn't.
Ray: Why?
Robert: Because.
Ray: Because why?
Robert: Because I felt sorry for you.
Ray: You felt sorry for me? You felt sorry for me?
Debra: Ray, it was just pre- [Ray groans]
Robert: I was just- [Ray groans]
Frank: Uh... [Ray groans and walks out]
Marie: Maybe I should have waited another year to tell him.

Frank: What, now you're mad? I don't get you two! I'm thinking of the kid. You know, we thought that leaving little Raymond back didn't hurt him any, but who the crap knows? You could have been a year ahead in your life right now. That car you're saving up for? You could be driving that today. You could have bought the house a year sooner, met Debra a year sooner, had the kids a year sooner which if you did, by the way, would put Michael right on track and we wouldn't have to have this conversation!
Debra: All right, just hold it, Frank. Do you wanna help the kids? Why don't you start by setting a decent moral example? None of this matters! Do you understand? They're four. We just want them to be healthy and happy!
Frank: Good luck on that one.
Debra: That's where you get it from.
Ray: That's great. I'm gonna be stupid and bald.

Marie: Raymond, don't worry about the boys. They're beautiful, sweet boys. They're gonna fly away soon enough.
Ray: Yeah, all right, Ma, look, I want them to move up to kindergarten and be with the other children.
Marie: Other children are overrated. But it won't hurt Michael and Geoffrey to stay little one more year. You know, that's what I did with you.
Ray: What?
Marie: [chuckles] It's funny. I never told you this, but when you were the twins' age... Do you remember a nursery school that used to be on "J" Street with the pretty yellow flowers out front? Well, you and I would walk there and back together every morning. You were so cute holding my hand. So when it came time for you to go to kindergarten which was across town with the bus, I decided it would be nice for everybody if you stayed in preschool one more year.
Ray: You left me back?
Marie: Left back for love.
Frank: That and you were slow. I remember you couldn't even cut paper.
Robert: Hee hee.
Ray: Wait. What? What was wrong with me?
Marie: Nothing, sweetie. You were just a little young too. So you stayed there one more year, and we got to walk by the yellow flowers some more.

Frank: [enters] Do you got any donuts?
Marie: Don't give him any! He already had two!
Frank: I still have coffee left!
Marie: You refilled that coffee so you could have more donuts.
Frank: So she ate them!
Marie: That's right because two donuts are enough!
Frank: Well, how many did you have?
Marie: Why do you change the subject?
Ray: Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. I know what to do. I know what to do. Get out!

Frank: All right, good news. I went down to that school and had a little visit with the kindergarten broad.
Ray: What?
Frank: That's right. I schmoozed her. Hey, she's a human being and a woman.
Ray: Oh, no.
Frank: And being a woman, she's a sucker for the old "Look how many photos of the children Grandpa has in his wallet" bit. "Oh, look! They're so adorable! And what a charming grandpa. And what a distinguished-looking forehead!"
Ray: She said that?
Frank: I paraphrase. Anyway, the real reason for the bit is to accidentally allow a peek of the wallet being extra full.
Ray: Oh, God.
Frank: She didn't give me a definite answer about Mikey, but I saw her eyes light up. You know, those teachers don't make squat.
Ray: [to Debra] I always told you we should have a trapdoor right there.

Sarah: They are very special, and they're so excited about doing their comedy routine at the winter concert. It's so cute. You must be very proud.
Debra: Oh, yeah.
Ray: Winter concert?
Debra: Yeah, Ray. You know about that.
Ray: Yeah, I know about that. I just can't believe it's winter already.
Debra: He's been practicing their routine with them. He's this totally-involved dad.
Ray: Yeah, and if you need any help telling them apart, I'm your guy.

Sarah: Well, let's see. These are the pre-K assessment forms. And here are some numbers, and they both know their numbers, but they each got the nine wrong. They said it was a six. That's a common error.
Debra: But I guess if you showed it to them like this, right? I mean, it could have been upside down.
Sarah: Uh, no, we show it to them like this.
Debra: Oh.
Sarah: Don't worry. It's a common-
Debra: Common- It's a common error.
Sarah: And here are some letters and they both know all their letters.
Debra: Well, I do that with them every day. [sings] A-B-C-D [talks] Well, you know that song.

Debra: Something bad is coming. Am I right?
Sarah: No, no, not at all. Let's just, um... Well, here. This is a test where the child is asked to cut with scissors on the line. So here's Geoffrey.
Ray: That's pretty good there.
Sarah: And Michael. Michael just needs to work on this skill a little.
Ray: A little? What, did he chew the paper?
Sarah: Michael just doesn't know how to hold the scissors properly and he seems a little reluctant to try.
Debra: So why do you think that is?
Ray: Is he stupid? You should tell us.

Sarah: This kind of thing is just a sign of slight immaturity, that's all. Michael might be just a little young for his age.
Ray: But they're supposed to be identical. Is that it? Is it just the scissor thing?
Sarah: Well, let's see. Here's some shapes where they draw shapes. So here's Geoffrey and here's Michael. And let's see... And then they were supposed to draw pictures of themselves. So here's Geoffrey. Here's Michael. At first he didn't want to draw, but then I talked him through it. It just lacks a little detail.
Ray: That's a nose? What the hell?