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‘Thank You Notes’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Loves Raymond: Thank You Notes

802. Thank You Notes

Aired September 29, 2003

When Robert and Amy get back from their honeymoon, Marie pushes them to send out thank-you notes.

Quote from Debra

Amy: I didn't mean to argue. It's thank-you notes. It's so stupid.
Debra: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Look at me. You were great. Do you hear me? You can't let her get away with anything.
Amy: But she's so upset. I don't want a bad relationship with her. I should go apologize.
Debra: No, no, no, no, no. Hey, listen, that is exactly what she is waiting for, for you to go over there and say you'll write those thank-you notes. You have got to be strong. She is testing you. Trust me, what she just pulled here, that's her big weapon: the guilt bomb. And it doesn't help that all the men in her family are scared to death of her. Whenever she comes up against somebody with a backbone who might actually confront her, she's completely threatened and she gets her claws out. And so she has been allowed to rule this way, unopposed, for decades. Listen, Amy I have been waiting for you. This is a critical time. Even though this is a tough regime to topple, with you in the family, now we have a shot... you and me together, to end all the suffering. Do you hear me? We can do it!

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Quote from Frank

Frank: This is the most thoughtful gift anyone has ever given me.
Marie: What is it?
Frank: It's a piece of shrapnel.
Amy: It's from World War ll in Anzio.
Frank: It's wonderful. I'll bet it's from the ass of some Kraut.

Quote from Marie

Amy: Well, you know, we just got back from our honeymoon, and...
Marie: Oh.
Amy: What?
Marie: Nothing. I just thought you were gonna be honest with me. I mean, to tell the truth, you two have been home for a day and a half now, haven't you?
Robert: Well, we just wanted to unwind for a little bit.
Marie: But you knew I was waiting. No call or anything. I was so worried, I called the airlines. I thought, "What if there was a plane crash?" But when they said, of course, there was none, I have to tell you, I was a little upset.

Quote from Debra

Robert: That could've gone better.
Ray: Nice going, Amy.
Amy: What happened? I don't understand.
Debra: Oh, honey. You married into the Manson Family. And Charlie goes off sometimes.

Quote from Ray

Debra: What is so funny?
Ray: You're so nuts. You still, after 15 years, haven't figured anything out about this woman? Amy. Here's how I see all this stuff. Mom loves the family. She really does. And she thinks it's her job to hold it all together. Does she overreact occasionally? Okay. So she wants you to write a few thank-you notes. She's an old lady. What else does she have? Besides, before even giving up a drop of power, she will truly kill us all.
Amy: What do you think, Robert?
Robert: I agree with Raymond.
Debra: Oh, come on!
Robert: No no. I totally agree, and I even add that because Ma favors Raymond so much more than me, you will have to be doubly nice.
Debra: You're both idiots.
Ray: You know, it's real easy to make trouble, missy, but when Ma's upset with you, we're the ones who suffer!
Robert: Please don't make her mad.

Quote from Debra

Debra: No more crap. We stand up, we confront.
Amy: I'm not afraid to confront.
Robert: My life was supposed to get better.
Debra: That's good. Now with these thank-you notes, here's what we do. You wait a month, two months.
Amy: Really? You think?
Debra: Oh, any sooner, and Marie wins. You set the timetable. That is key. And another thing, if she comes over to your house and starts snooping around your refrigerator, you pull her the hell out of there.
Amy: Right, because it's my refrigerator.
Debra: Yes! You see, this is so great because you can nip this in the bud, and I am going to be right behind you.
Amy: We can help each other.
Robert: I'm having chest pains.

Quote from Frank

Ray: Debra, she saw what happened with Amy and Mom and the thank-you notes, and she got Amy to join forces with her, and now Debra's all foaming at the mouth.
Frank: Wait a minute, this is bad news for me. Anything that puts the missus in a worse mood than usual puts me in the dumper. Who's gonna feed me if this happens? Debra? That's no kind of life. How's Amy's cooking?
Ray: I don't know. It's good, I guess.
Frank: Still, that's a 10-minute drive. You've got to shut this down, Ray.
Frank: How are they gonna pull it off?
Ray: It's already started. They're planning a big throw-down, Iaying out the new order, and everybody's equal... Iove all around, peace and harmony.
Frank: Those stupid broads.

Quote from Frank

Frank: You can't overthrow Marie. Besides, anytime you cut the head off something, the body still runs around by itself, all crazed-like.
Ray: I know. I know! That's why I'm asking you. I don't know what to do. What do you think we should do?
Marie: I'm not sure yet.
Ray: Agh! What the- You heard everything?
Marie: I heard enough.
Ray: Did you know she was back there?
Frank: Yes.
Ray: Well, why did you let me go on for?
Frank: I want my shrapnel back.
Ray: All right. Listen, Ma, you've got to understand... [runs out]

Quote from Marie

Marie: I was shocked to hear that you two were conspiring against me in some way.
Ray: Group hug! All right, it's not happening, it's not happening.
Marie: What have I done to bring on such disrespect? You know, in the Orient, elders are revered and honored, not plotted against. And why do you have to talk about me behind my back? I'm here. Right here. Debra, we may have our differences, but I consider you my daughter. And, Amy, all I want is for you to feel the same way. I just don't understand why you couldn't be direct with me. You may not like what I said before, but at least I said it to you.
Amy: You're right, Marie. I'm sorry. I don't want to start off like this. I love you.
Marie: I love you, honey. [Robert joins their hug]
Amy: And you know what? I'm gonna sit down and start on those thank-you notes today.
Debra: What?
Marie: Whenever you get to it, dear. No pressure.

Quote from Debra

Debra: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. That's what this is all about!
Marie: What's the matter, Debra?
Debra: Oh, don't give me that. I know you too well, Marie. You come over here all rational and normal and telling the truth, and this sap fell for it.
Amy: Hey!
Debra: You can't see that? This is a strategy: divide and conquer!
Marie: I don't know what you're talking about, Debra, but could it be that you're a bit jealous 'cause you have to share the spotlight with Amy?
Debra: Jealous? Jealous?!
[Robert downs a liquid and hands the bottle to Ray]
Ray: What is this?
Robert: Vanilla extract.
Debra: She just did it again, Amy! I am putting an end to all of this, do you hear me? I am not letting you take another one. Amy, don't you see she will do anything to win? She's the devil!
Amy: I've gotta tell you, Deb, it seemed to me like she was being very upfront and honest.
Debra: No! No, Amy, don't go! Don't go!

Quote from Debra

Amy: All right, stop. Why does this family have to be this way, with Marie wielding so much power, and everyone living in fear instead of just enjoying each other?
Debra: You're right, Amy. That has been my philosophy from day one - harmony, love, understanding - that is what holds a family together. Marie is going down.

Quote from Marie

Lee: Hi. I'm on my way to the supermarket, but I just had to stop by and tell you I got the nicest thank-you note from that sweet Amy.
Marie: Isn't that nice. What did it say?
Lee: Oh, it just went on and on about how she and Robert love the orange candle and will treasure it always.
Lee: I have to tell you, Marie, when you picked out that candle for us to give to them, I wasn't sure about it. But I am so sorry I gave you an argument. Obviously, you have wonderful taste.
Marie: Oh, thank you, Lee.
Lee: Thank you. I'll see you later.
Marie: Okay, bye-bye.

Quote from Ray

Debra: How was Italy?
Robert: Great!
Debra: It was so fantastic.
Ray: Yeah well, guess what. Now that the honeymoon's over the honeymoon's over.
Robert: It's not over in here [points to his head], and it's not over in here [points to his heart].
Ray: That's because that [points to Robert's head] is in there [points to Robert's ass].

Quote from Robert

Debra: So, you two look great. Did you have fun?
Amy: Oh, yeah. Venice and Florence...
Robert: Like a painting. Every night at sunset we'd get on the gondola with a bottle of wine and just float down the Grand Canal.
Amy: And the gondoliers would sing for us, and we'd sip our wine under a blanket and cuddle.
Robert: And it was so beautiful, we'd just start to cry.
Amy: What did you guys do the last couple of weeks?
Debra: I did a little crying myself.
Robert: I love seeing Raymond like this.
Ray: Like what?
Robert: Depressed.

Quote from Frank

Marie: Look who's here!
Robert: Hi, Ma!
Marie: Oh, I thought I saw you two come in here. I've been looking out the window for the last two days.
Frank: She scared the crap out of the mailman.

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