Debra: Can I say something?
Ray: No. No say.
Debra: Mr. And Mrs. MacDougall, I know how awkward it can be to come in and meet new people, especially when the new people are so... different. But I have to say, thirteen years ago, I felt the same way. But after a while, I grew to love all the Barones like my own family, so just give it some time. Thirteen years.
Pat: Debra, I think you're right. Our families are different.
Hank: That's true. I'm not sure our values are quite the same as your values.
Pat: It's not your fault. We're just not the type of people who would ever be... with you.

Ray: No. Amy, don't. Don't come out.
Debra: Ray, what are you doing?
Ray: I'm getting involved. See how you like it. Stay in there, Amy!
Robert: This isn't helping me.
Ray: You should go in there with her, Robert. You both need to get away from us. Far away from all of us.
Debra: Ray, this is not working it out.
Ray: It's not for us to work out! We're the ones ruining everything! We did this to you! The families! Trust me, no good can come from families! Forget everything a family tells you! Except for this right now. This part is right! You two love each other! All you need is love. Love is all you need. Love, love, love. Okay?

Frank: So, uh... You're from Pennsylvania, huh?
Hank: Yes, we are.
Frank: Well, it just goes to show you, everybody's from somewhere.

Marie: Oh, it's so wonderful that you can join us for brunch. Homemade blueberry muffins.
Pat: Oh, it's nice of you to offer, Marie, but actually, we already ate breakfast.
Marie: This is brunch.
Hank: Actually, I don't eat muffins.
Marie: I'm sorry?
Pat: It's nothing personal. He's never had one.
Marie: You've never had a blueberry muffin?
Hank: I've never had any kind of muffin.
Marie: In your life?
Hank: It's just never appealed to me. [Amy shrugs]
Frank: I'll take his muffin.
Marie: Oh, no. It's not polite to eat if other people aren't.
Frank: Didn't you hear? He's never gonna eat.

Amy: Robert, they're fine! It's my parents. They stand there and pass judgment and try to make everyone ashamed of themselves.
Hank: Amy, please, I think you're getting a little wound up.
Pat: I agree, sweetie. This could possibly be because you missed church today.
Amy: Mother, I did not miss church today. I chose not to go.
Pat: Oh.
Amy: You know why? Because Robert and I wanted to sleep in. Don't say "oh" yet. He sleeps over many nights. And you know what? I've decided that it's not a sin.
Pat: Now can I say "oh"?

Hank: Dear Lord, we ask You, in this time of turmoil, to provide us with wisdom and compassion, that we might act in accordance with Your will. Amen.
All: Amen.
Frank: I can beat that.
Debra: Frank, we're not competing.
Hank: This is hardly worshipful.
Frank: Oh, yeah? Who made you the prayer sheriff?
Hank: I am not the prayer sheriff. But I will not let you use our Lord to continue your own personal arguments. It's... It's sacrilege.
Frank: You're right. And let's put an end to all this. Dear Lord, please keep this in-law family the hell away from me!
Hank: Fine. Then you stay the heck away from us, too.
Frank: You can say "heck" all you want. He knows you mean "hell."
Hank: Whether I say it or not, I believe that is where you're going!
Frank: How about I take you with me?

Amy: Hey, Barones. Guess who stopped by as sort of a great surprise. My parents!
Marie: Amy's parents? [Robert nods] Oh, ho ho. Amy's parents. Hello! I'm Robbie's mother Marie, and this is my husband Frank.
Frank: Hey.
Hank: Hello. I'm Hank MacDougall, and this is my wife Pat.
Pat: It's nice to meet you.
Marie: Oh us, too. We couldn't be happier that these two are getting married. Robbie, put on some clothes. You're making everybody sick.

Marie: Oh, please, sit down. Come on, sit down. Make yourself comfortable. Oh, Amy dear, you can remove all of your food, 'cause I've made some things.

Frank: All right. Can we at least put on the television? What do you say, Hank, you wanna flip on the tube?
Hank: We're not much for TV.
Pat: Especially on a Sunday.
Frank: What else is there to do on a Sunday?
Hank: Well, we kind of like to keep that mostly for church and family.
Frank: Oh, how... great.

Debra: What are you doing? What are your parents yelling about?
Ray: Listen, let's just go home.
Debra: What? Go home?
Ray: Yeah. I realized the kids are at the birthday party, and we could spend some time alone.
Debra: Ray, come on, we already had sex this week.
Ray: Whoa. Wait, wait, wait, wait. First of all, that was nine days ago, all right? Okay, listen, Amy's parents are in there.
Debra: Amy's parents? Really? Oh, I've never met them. [gasps] They must've changed their minds about Robert, and now they wanna meet your whole... Oh, my God, I have to help Amy.
Ray: No, no, no, no, no. You're gonna say stuff and get all involved. Let's just go to the mall, and you can buy stuff, and I'll walk behind you and call you "pretty."
Debra: Your mother is in there, and you're worried about me getting involved?