Debra: Marie, I said something stupid to Frank, but that doesn't mean I think I'm better than him.
Marie: Methinks thou doth protest...
Debra: Oh, don't say, "Methinks thou doth protest too much."
Marie: All right. I won't say it but methinks it.

Debra: Amy, are you all right?
Amy: I'm great! I'm on my way over here to drive you guys to the airport for your romantic getaway. Of course, I'm able to do that on a Friday night because Gianni and I broke up.
Debra: Oh really? Yeah?
Ray: Oh man. That's tough. Should we get goin'?
Amy: Here's the thing, I kinda had to abandon my car in this 50-foot snowdrift, then walk 20 blocks to get here.
Ruined my new shoes, got frostbite on my pinky toe, and... Oh! Right before my car battery died, the guy on the radio said - here's the part you'll care about - the airport's closed.
Ray: Oh, no!
Debra: Oh, no!
Amy: Yes. So I lost my car, my shoes, not to mention my boyfriend, for nothing. And I'll die alone with nine toes.

Ray: Robert's weird. He doesn't like to go out to eat because he has a fear of busboys. He can't carry his dollar bills facing each other because it would be like they're kissing.
Debra: That's just quirky.
Ray: Yeah? Quirky? He separates his Good 'n Plenties into "goods" and "plenties." Which one is which again?
Robert: Never mind.
Ray: No, no, go ahead. Go ahead.
Robert: The pinks are the "goods," and the whites are the "plenties." 'Cause there's always more of them. And they're not as good. And then there's a third category of "irregulars."
Ray: And they're called...
Robert: "Cuties."
Ray: I rest my case.

Robert: What about you, Raymond? You're bad, too.
Ray: Listen, I might be the worst! Debra's got to live with me day in and day out for the rest of her life!
Debra: Not too thrilled about that right now.
Ray: And how could you be? Do you remember about a week ago you came home and I was supposed to be baby-sitting or something, and I was just zonked out on the couch with the TV going. And I had pizza sauce kind of all down my chest, which wouldn't have been that bad if I had been wearing a shirt. Or eating pizza. And do you remember how I greeted you that day? "Hey, baby the kids are asleep, and I'm halfway to Nakedtown. Population: Me!"

Debra: Oh, God. Okay! Okay! What do you want me to say? That I'm better than you? Fine! I am better!
Marie: [chuckles] I was right!
Debra: Yep! Yep! You got me! You know, I was never sure if it was true, but this, tonight I really have to thank you all. 'Cause you've made it crystal clear you're all nuts!
Robert: [to Ray] Good job, man.
Marie: That was wonderful.
Debra: So you're happy that I think I'm better than you?
Marie: Not happy. I'm just glad we got this out. It's good to know. And now we know.
Ray: [chuckles] And now we know. And now we sit. Because we know.
Debra: I really need a vacation.

Marie: It's all right, dear. I understand. You grew up in an upper-class family. You went to a private school, a fancy college, and that's not who we are at all. Robbie didn't even go to college.
Robert: I always enjoy when we can bring that up out of the blue.
Marie: And it's natural for you once in a while to think, "Oh, those lower middle-class Barones."
Debra: Marie!
Marie: It's okay, dear, you can't help it. It's in your blood.
Debra: I grew up in Connecticut, for God's sakes, not Buckingham Palace!
Marie: You see? Now, why you'd even think to refer to Buckingham Palace.

Debra: Marie, wait a minute. Do we always see eye-to-eye? No. But that's because we're different, not because I think I'm better. Just different. And you have to remember, you're the tight-knit family. I was the outsider. And I've always thought that, in most ways, I was the same as you guys. But I guess... Well, I'm sorry that you feel that way. [Marie is silent] I'm gonna go get Frank.
Ray: Come on!
Debra: What?
Ray: Come on. We're just different than you? We're like the front porch of the nut house.
Robert: Hey!
Ray: How could you not think you're better than us? It would be weird if you didn't.
Marie: Raymond!
Ray: I'm just trying to prove your point, Ma, because you're right.
Marie: Well, okay then.

Ray: Our heat's out over there.
Frank: Shut the door!
Debra: We really don't have any food, either, 'cause we were going away.
Marie: Oh, so you came over because you were hungry. When the man on the radio said the airport was closed, I just assumed you'd care enough to see if your parents had frozen to death, but I guess that was too much. [Debra and Ray turn to leave] Wait, wait! Where are you going? Stay here with your family who loves you.

Marie: Amy, you know, there's only so much I can do without electricity, but I was able to make some ham and cheese sandwiches, turkey sandwiches, roast beef sandwiches. And, of course there's macaroni salad, potato salad, and regular salad. Then there's pies and cookies and cake for dessert.
Ray: Ma, you're two pickles away from opening a deli.

Frank: You people don't need food. All you need is my world-famous spiced rum punch.
Ray: Oh, boy. Don't get that close to the fire.
Frank: You know how sometimes your mother's voice sounds like an air-raid siren?
Marie: Oh, stop, Frank! What's wrong with you?
Frank: Ahh... It's like liquid earplugs.
Debra: Fill 'er up.
Frank: There you go.
Debra: Thank you.
Marie: Let me tell you something, Frank. I put all this together with nothing but love and a flashlight. While everybody else is trying to make the best of it, you have to be a mean old grouch!
Frank: Finished? Or do I need to get a refill?