Frank: Personally, I like leprechauns.
Ray: What?
Frank: Leprechauns. Cute harmless little Irish guys. And whenever I'd tell you guys a story, I'd throw in a couple of leprechauns to scare the bejesus outta you. [Irish accent] Hey, Ray? How did I know little Raymond was afraid of leprechauns?
Ray: I don't know.
Frank: Any ideas, Robert?
Robert: Oh, Dad, don't start pointing fingers, okay? That's not gonna work. Right, Ray?
Ray: That's right. How did he know about the leprechauns?
Robert: I don't know. It wasn't me. Maybe it was Ma.
Marie: I don't know anything about that. All I know is I couldn't serve you Lucky Charms.
Frank: [giggles; Irish accent] He was me little spy.

Marie: What are you talking about?
Robert: Ray's scared.
Ray: Hey, you're the one who's scared!
Marie: What do you mean? You sick? You in trouble? Someone bullying you?
Robert: No, Ma.
Marie: Then what is it? What are you scared of?
Robert: Being alone.
Marie: You mean for the rest of your life?
Robert: No, but thanks for bringing up that possibility.

Ray: You told him!
Robert: Oh, all right. Yes, I did. I told him.
Marie: Robert! Why would you do that?
Robert: I liked when he told us the stories but I didn't want to get scared. And I had no problem with leprechauns.
Ray: Oh, great! So you could sleep and I could stay up all night waiting for those little monsters to come and take me to their nest.
Robert: Nest?
Ray: That's right, nest!
Robert: Listen, I'm sorry, okay? Don't think I didn't hate myself for it. Don't forget. At that time I thought you might be half-spider.

Debra: What are you doing?
Ray: Oh, I never remember where I get these black and blue marks. It freaks me out.
Debra: So you're starting a bruise journal?
Ray: Yeah, yeah. I just hurt myself. "Shin on toilet. Light to medium impact."
Debra: Maybe I shouldn't leave you alone here for the weekend.
Ray: No, no, no. Come on. The kids- Kids have to see their other grandparents. We can't have them growing up thinking what's across the street is normal, right?

Robert: You know in those days when I was running information to Dad, I think the guilt was the cause of my occasional bedwetting.
Ray: All right, look, whatever. It was a long time ago.
Robert: Yeah, but it was wrong. We were suppose to stick together, right? I mean, we're brothers. Brothers do those kind of things. Not good ones.
Ray: All right, listen! I gotta tell you something! You never wet your bed. I used to... I used to wait until you fell asleep and then I'd pour a glass of water in there with you.
Robert: What?!
Marie: What?! [Frank chuckles]
Ray: Well, I... I didn't want to always look like a baby, you know? Calling for Mom when I was scared. I knew that she would come if you wet your bed.
Marie: I always wondered why I was up by your shoulders.

Robert: What the hell is wrong with you?
Ray: What? I just wanted to hang out. I didn't know I'd be walking in on "Beauty and the Beast".

Robert: Ray, it's me you're talking to. We used to share a bedroom. You get scared.
Ray: What? You don't know what you're talking about. I do not.
Robert: Yeah? Remember how long you had to keep the Popeye nightlight, scardey-pooh?
Ray: Yeah, well, until Popeye came along you had to keep the hallway light on.
Robert: Only after one of Dad's bedtime stories.
Ray: Which was every night.

Robert: Listen to your big brother. Okay? Watch some TV. Discovery Channel, cubby. Nature will put you right out.
Ray: Yeah, yeah. Unless it's about monkeys, right?
Robert: What's that suppose to mean?
Ray: Nothing. I just, uh, I remember a particular shoetree in your closet that had a shadow...
Robert: All right!
Ray: ...that you thought looked like a monkey holding an axe.
Robert: Hey, listen, I was 10 years old and my shoetrees were big.
Ray: Pointy holes and an axe.
Robert: Yeah, I'm over it now, Raymond!
Ray: Oh, yeah? Got any shoetrees in your closet? [grunts like a chimp]
Robert: It's none of your business and it's time for you to go. All right, get outta here!
Ray: This place is stupid.
Robert: Yeah. Oh, and, uh, good luck in that big, dark house you're gonna be all alone in. Or are you?

Robert: So how should we do it?
Ray: We'll just jump out and scream.
Robert: Yeah, like, "We're gonna get you!" Or, "We need blood!" or "I got a hammer!"
Ray: No, no, no, just- Just scream like, "Yeah!"
Robert: Yeah, good. "Yeah!" "Whooooo!"
Ray: No whooo! Just, "Yeah!"
Robert: Yeah, "Yeah!"
Ray: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Robert: This is so fun, you know?
Ray: Yeah, yeah.
Robert: We gotta do this more often.
Ray: We should do this a lot. Maybe the more we do it to him, the less we'll be scared.
Robert: Yeah, like therapy.
Ray: Yeah, something like that. Next time we should get him in the shower.

Ray: So, what are you doing still awake?
Marie: I'm making tea for Robert.
Ray: Robert?
Marie: Yeah. They fumigated his apartment today and he can't go back home until tomorrow.
Ray: Oh, really?
Marie: Yes. He said they had army ants.
Ray: Army ants.
Robert: Well, what are you doing over here?
Ray: Hey, I just had to walk across the street. You had to drive here, Officer Barone.