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‘Somebody Hates Raymond’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Loves Raymond: Somebody Hates Raymond

713. Somebody Hates Raymond

Aired January 27, 2003

Ray just can't get over the fact that a radio presenter, Jerry Musso, doesn't like him.

Quote from Marie

Marie: Don't listen to him, Raymond. You and I are not like him.
Frank: What are you talking about? You hate plenty of people.
Marie: I do not hate people, Frank.
Frank: Oh, yeah? What about my mother? You hated her like poison.
Marie: First of all, I did not hate her. I felt sorry for her.
Frank: What about Harriet Lichtman?
Marie: I find Harriet Lichtman's flirtatious behavior towards you distasteful, but I do not hate that slut.

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Quote from Frank

Ray: You know, the thing is, I don't hate him. I don't hate anybody.
Marie: Yes. That's one of your wonderful qualities. You got that from me.
Frank: Can I get an iced tea from you?
Marie: Your father, on the other hand, hates everybody.
Frank: That's not true. There's only some people I hate. The rest I tolerate.
Marie: Be quiet.
Frank: Careful, Marie. You're right on the fence.

Quote from Robert

Robert: Hold it right there, you little twerp.
Jerry Musso: Who are you?
Robert: Who am I? I'm someone who can crush you into a fine powder, that's who I am. Now, Ray Barone has more talent in the weird pimple on his neck that won't go away than you have in your entire body, you oily, two-faced hack. You only wish you could be Ray Barone because you'll never come close to him as a writer, as a father, as a friend or as a person. [returns the snotty napkin] Come on, Raymond.

Quote from Robert

Ray: What are you laughing at?
Robert: It kills you that somebody hates you.
Debra: Hey, why don't you just call him up?
Ray: Oh, I can't call somebody up that hates me.
Andy: Hey, maybe back in the old country, your great-grandfather killed Jerry Musso's great-grandfather and their family swore vengeance.
Robert: But now he feels the gypsy curse that produced your nose was not sufficient.

Quote from Ray

Jerry Musso: Look, what do you want from me?
Ray: So it's true? You do hate me?
Jerry Musso: Man, you ought to learn to quit while you're ahead.
Ray: Hey, it's no big deal. I just wanna know why.
Jerry Musso: All right, you have to push it. Okay. Well, there's just something about you. I've read your column, I've heard you speak. I look at you, and I go, "I don't get it." I guess you don't have to be smart to have a career in this business. Now, if you know me, you know I have pretty high standards and a very low threshold for dumb. Now look, I didn't wanna say it. I was trying to be nice, but you wouldn't let it go. So why don't you go have a shrimp puff and leave me alone, okay?

Quote from Robert

Ray: Doesn't like me? What did he say? What were his exact words?
Andy: I didn't hear from him. I was going over my list with the executive producer, and he saw your name, and he goes, "Oh, Jerry's never gonna go for this. He doesn't like Ray Barone."
Debra: Well, maybe he's confusing Ray with somebody else.
Andy: That's what I thought. So I submitted your name anyway. And still, it came back "No. No way. Jerry hates Ray Barone."
Ray: "Hates"? It says, "hates."
Robert: Where do you go to get stuff framed? [puts the paper in his pocket]

Quote from Robert

Robert: Hey, everybody. I took Amy out last night to the greatest new seafood restaurant, and I'm gonna take all of you there next Saturday, huh? What do you think?
Ray: If I just knew why Jerry hated me, you know... I mean, that's what's killing me.
Marie: I'm gonna write that man a letter.
Robert: Hello, nice announcement here from somebody else.
Marie: That's very nice, Robbie. Just give me his address, and I'll take care of it.
Robert: Oh my God. This is unbelievable.
Ray: I know. Why would a guy hate me?
Robert: What is with you? You can't believe that somebody could hate you? Is it so impossible to fathom that somewhere in this vast cosmos there might exist a single entity that thinks you suck?
Marie: Robbie, we do not say "suck." And if we did, Raymond certainly wouldn't.
Ray: No. What's your problem, man?
Robert: I'm just tired of this. You have the tiniest problem, and we all have to stop and rock you in your snuggly till you're all better. I've been saying this for 40 years.
Ray: You could've used some of that time to wash your feet.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Nothing. It looked like you rolled your eyes there.
Jerry Musso: I did?
Ray: Yeah. I mean, you meant what you said just now?
Jerry Musso: Oh, sure. Listen, you're on the show. I'll see you there.
Ray: No, no. I know you said you didn't hate me, but it kind of looked like you just went like this and I think I know what that means. My wife does that to me all the time. You know, it's like, "Can you believe this guy?" But if that's not what you did, then that's fine.

Quote from Ray

Debra: What's wrong?
Ray: This whole Jerry Musso thing I can't stop thinking about it.
Debra: Jerry Musso? Your own brother tells you that he hates you, you can't stop thinking about Jerry Musso?
Ray: Robert's always hated me. But Jerry Musso...
Debra: Means nothing to you. He's nobody. You should go make up with your brother.
Ray: I'm not making up with him. He should get down on his knees, look me in the eye, and apologize.

Quote from Ray

Robert: So I don't know, Debra. We went to Marco's last night. Amy says, "I must've had everything on this menu 100 times." What do you think?
Debra: Maybe Amy's trying to tell you she'd like to go someplace else.
Ray: And with someone else.
Debra: Ray.
Ray: You gotta read between the lines.

Quote from Andy

Debra: How you doing, Andy? You look like you're losing weight.
Andy: Nah! I just gave up tucking in my shirt.
Ray: You here to tell everybody your big news? Andy got a new job booking guests on a national radio show.
Debra: Oh, congratulations, Andy. [kisses Andy]
Andy: Wow, this proves it. The ladies like guys with jobs.

Quote from Robert

Robert: I've heard Jerry Musso. Never cared for him.
Ray: Nobody asked you. It's a good opportunity for Andy, and I told him that I would do the show. You know, throw him a bone.
Andy: Actually, Ray, that's what I came over to tell you. I'm afraid I have to return your bone.
Ray: What do you mean?
Andy: I'm not gonna be able to book you on the show.
Ray: Why not?
Andy: Jerry Musso doesn't like you.
Ray: Doesn't like me?
Robert: What station is he going to be on?

Quote from Andy

Ray: Hates me? Jerry Musso hates me?
Debra: I'm sure he didn't mean "hates."
Ray: It's in writing! Andy, come on, just tell me the truth. Does Jerry Musso hate me?
Andy: I don't know. I wasn't the one who talked to him.
Ray: Well, ask him.
Andy: Oh, no. Look, I just got this job. Why would I wanna associate myself with the man my boss hates?

Quote from Debra

Ray: I don't even know the guy. I never even met him.
Andy: Did you write something bad about him?
Ray: No. I've never written about him at all.
Andy: Maybe that's why he hates you.
Debra: Come on, why would he care if he was in Ray's column?
Ray: What?
Debra: No. It's just that, it's not like it's, you know, the front page. I mean, people read your column for you know, fun. It's just a funny little... It's funny.
Ray: You hate my writing.
Debra: No! No. I'm supporting you. Your writing is... wow.
Ray: Yeah, okay, thank you. That's enough support.

Quote from Debra

Ray: Why the hell would this guy hate me?
Andy: I don't know. Did you sleep with his wife or something?
Debra: [giggles]
Ray: What?
Debra: "Slept with his wife"...
Ray: Oh, what, now I'm not attractive enough to sleep with his wife?
Debra: You're very attractive.
Ray: Just not to anyone else.
Debra: Did you sleep with his wife?
Ray: If I did, she would like it.
Debra: I know, honey. You could sleep with all the wives in the world if you wanted to. You're super hot.

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