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‘The Surprise Party’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Loves Raymond: The Surprise Party

808. The Surprise Party

Aired November 17, 2003

Debra's mother, Lois (Katherine Helmond), asks Ray to help her throw a surprise party for Debra.

Quote from Frank

Frank: I can't believe you're having a Chinese party after what those people did to me in Korea.
Ray: I think everybody's over that, Dad.
Frank: Not me. I spent a week in a foxhole in the pouring rain.
Ray: All right, Dad.
Frank: I still have toenail fungus.
Marie: Frank, that's not party talk.
Marie: Though I have to say, Raymond, this theme is so unusual. I hope people could still eat with all these dragons around.
Frank: I do it every day.

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Quote from Lois

Lois: Why don't you like me, Raymond?
Ray: What? What are you talking about? I like you.
Lois: Let's be honest. You are so uncomfortable around me. You never say more than two words. And it seems whenever we are together, you'll do just about anything to get away from me. I mean, what am I supposed to think? You- You don't like me, you don't like my ideas. I just wish it were different between us.

Quote from Debra

Debra: Oh my God. What is all of this?
Lois: Happy birthday, Debra!
Debra: Oh my God. What did you do? Is this like a surprise party?
Ray: Happy birthday!
Debra: Look at this place! Oh, it's like a... A Chinese banquet or something! Oh my God! This is so amazing! Oh, thank you! [hugs Ray] Thank you so much! I can't believe you did this! And Amy! I should have known when you invited me to a museum on my birthday! That's why you didn't want to go out to eat after!
Amy: I didn't really have a stomachache!
Debra: Well... Well, hi, guys! Oh, this is so incredible! You guys are too much! And, oh, and my mom is here! Hi, Mom! [hugs Lois] You all got me! You got me good! And who thought of Chinese? Do you know that I love Chinese?
Frank: [faux enthusiasm] You do?!
Debra: I really do! Oh, Ray! How did you know?
Ray: Yeah, I don't know.
Debra: No, really, how did you know that I love Chinese?
Ray: All right, take it easy.
Debra: No, really, how did you know that I love Chi- [Debra's face drops as Ray whispers in her ear]
Marie: Happy birthday, Debra.

Quote from Lois

Lois: See, I was thinking you and I could plan a surprise party for her.
Ray: A surprise party?
Lois: What do you think?
Ray: Nyah. I don't know. I mean, I don't think Debra would want us to go to all that trouble, you know? I was just planning something a little more low-key, you know, like-like dinner with my family.
Lois: Yeah. I think dinner with your family, uh, has been done.

Quote from Ray

Debra: You know, I have always wanted a surprise party. But once I married you, I figured it was never gonna happen, that you weren't romantic enough. I was wrong.
Ray: I didn't shower today, but I'm still... I'm okay. I'm not that bad.
Debra: Listen, Ray I don't wanna ruin it, but how are you gonna do it?
Ray: Tenderly, and then maybe not quite as tenderly, but still good.

Quote from Debra

Debra: You know what would be really great, what I would really love? A Chinese banquet.
Ray: What?
Debra: Yeah. You remember that book "The Joy Luck Club? There was this book, "The Joy Luck Club" and in it, they had these fantastic celebrations in these lavish banquet halls with these amazing meals.
Ray: No, no! But- No, no. Hey. How about this, okay? I'm thinking, how about an English tea party?
Debra: What?
Ray: English tea party. It's- It's classy.
Debra: You thought of an English tea party?
Ray: Yes. You like it. It's great. We'll have English muffins, we'll- We'll play The Beatles, we'll speak English. "'Ello, spot of tea, Mum? A spot of tea?"
Debra: And- And you really don't like the Chinese banquet?
Ray: No, no, I do. I don't think-
Debra: You will love it! We'll have Chinese lanterns and paper dragons... You know what? I think Wo-Hop caters. I'm gonna get the menu. My mom is gonna love this. Did you invite my mother? Don't forget my mother.
Ray: Great. Now she's too happy to have sex.

Quote from Ray

Lois: I'm so glad you wanted to meet. This gives me the perfect opportunity to show you the exact kind of thing we're doing for the party. Isn't this wonderful?
Ray: Hmm, sure.
Waiter #1: Nice to see you again, ma'am.
Lois: Oh, hello, Mark. We'll have tea and scones and cucumber and watercress sandwiches. Sound good?
Ray: All my favorites.
Waiter #2: Tea, ma'am?
Lois: Oh, thank you.
Waiter #2: Tea?
Ray: Mm. I'm looking for something in a Lipton.
Waiter #2: Uh, I'm sorry, sir.
Ray: Uh all right, I'll try the "shamomiley."

Quote from Ray

Lois: Watercress sandwich? They're yummy.
Ray: [eats] Mmm. Yes, yummy. You can really taste the water.
Lois: I am doing these exact sandwiches for the party and the same tea service. Ooh, Debra's going to be thrilled. [giggles]
Ray: Yes, it's nice, but you know, I'm thinking you might wanna- Might wanna change things up a tiny bit.
Lois: Change what?
Ray: Well, nothing. Nothing. But I'm thinking you probably could take the party in a little different direction.
Lois: I don't understand.
Ray: You know, just tweak it a little, you know? Like- Like, okay, instead of an English tea party, you do a Chinese-ish tea party.
Lois: But we decided on an English tea party.
Ray: I know. I know you did. But think how awesome Chinese could be, huh? For Debra, it would- Like, uh Amy brings Debra into the house, right? And we're all there, and- and- and there's- there's- there's- I'm just spitballin' here. There's, uh, Chinese lanterns and-and paper dragons. And I hear Wo-Hop caters.
Lois: Huh? But why do we have to change it?
Debra: I- Because I- I think I know Debra very well.
Lois: Well, of course you do, but I do too.
Ray: Yes, I understand you have a connection to her, but but you knew the girl. I know the lady. And I think the lady would prefer Chinese.

Quote from Ray

Ray: You know, I can't believe that you're saying this, because I was... I was just thinking to myself why don't you like me?
Lois: What?
Ray: Yeah. I mean, uh... You know, you see how much thought I put into this Chinese idea, and you don't want anything to do with it. You just dismiss it out of hand. How do you think it makes me feel? You just rush in, and you wanna plan everything, and you won't even let me have any say in my own wife's special day.
Lois: Raymond, l...
Ray: You know, I've lost my appetite.
Lois: I don't know what to say. I didn't know this meant that much to you. Oh, I'm sorry, Raymond. [Ray nods] I think you're a wonderful son-in-law. I mean, I couldn't have found a better person who would care so much for my daughter.
Ray: Thank you. And, just so you know, I like you.
Lois: I'm so glad we talked.
Ray: Me too. So you'll change it all to Chinese, right?

Quote from Ray

Lois: Oh, there you are, Ray. I made a mai tai for you.
Ray: Oh, thank you. Hey, the place looks great. You really knocked yourself out.
Lois: Oh, it'll be worth it when I see Debra's face. Is someone looking out for Amy and Debra?
Ray: Sure. Yeah. Robert, look out for Amy and Debra, all right?
Robert: Why do I have to be the lookout?
Ray: Because anybody else would have to climb a tree.

Quote from Lois

Lois: Oh, good! Frank, Robert, I thought it would be great fun if you two would be my dancing dragon. Put this on and see and when Debra comes in, you can dip and sway around the room in her honor. [exits]
Frank: That lady is a fruit bat.

Quote from Robert

Ray: Come on, just do this. You can be the head and, Robert, you be the tail.
Robert: Oh, I'm sorry, Raymond. I'm the lookout. You'll have to find someone else to be your dragon's ass.
Ray: Just do this, all right? It'll mean a lot to Debra.
Robert: No, it won't. And what are you doing with this whole Chinese thing, anyway?
Frank: Yeah, this is bull. I want a fork.
Robert: Yeah, I've got to tell you, I know Debra pretty well. I don't think she's gonna go for your whole lame theme.
Ray: Yeah, well? You don't know what you're talking about.
Robert: Oh yeah, I do. Confucius say, "Woman with stupid husband gets stupid party." [chuckles]
Frank: 'Cause you're stupid!
Robert: "He who marry Raymond need look elsewhere for good time."
Frank: 'Cause you're stupid!

Quote from Ray

Lois: Well, how did you find out?
Robert: I know!
Debra: Listen, everybody, uh, this is my fault. I'm sorry. I'm a little embarrassed. When I got it out of Raymond that he was planning a surprise party, I kind of pushed the Chinese idea because I like Chinese. So I'm- I'm sorry that I wasn't really surprised, but I'm still very grateful that you all came, and I'm especially grateful to Ray 'cause of all the work he did. And I feel very lucky because I have a husband who would do this all for me. [Lois whispers in Debra's ear]
Ray: Debra, I have to tell you something... Your mother has never liked me.

Quote from Ray

Lois: I'm so glad we're alone. I want to talk to you about Debra's birthday.
Ray: Oh God! Is it today?!
Lois: No. It's a week from Saturday.
Ray: Oh, okay. Don't do that.

Quote from Lois

Lois: I was thinking of something else. Like a real English tea party.
Ray: Ha ha! Oh. Oh, for real.
Lois: Uh. You know, when Debra was single, we would meet in the city and have tea at The Rosemont. Oh, she loved that.
Ray: You know what? Maybe you two should go do that, right? Tea for two.
Lois: No, Raymond, no. Listen, don't worry. You won't have to do a thing.
Ray: No, hey, I'm all into helping. It's just right now, it's... It's really a bad time with the world and everything.
Lois: Raymond, I promise I will handle it. See, we'll get Amy to take her out while I set up everything here. Hmm?
Ray: Yeah.
Lois: Ooh! It's such fun conspiring with you. We're like two secret agents.
Ray: Hmm, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's fun. It's fun. You're gonna do all the work, though, right?

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