Debra: You know what? I'm around germs all the time. The kids bring all kinds of stuff home. I hardly ever get sick.
Ray: Maybe you're a cyborg.
Debra: Maybe, or maybe it's 'cause I'm always in here washing stuff all the time. My hands are always clean.
Ray: Let me wash my hands.
Debra: Yeah, well, you know, honey, you gotta use soap.
Ray: Soap, soap, soap.
Debra: Use the soap there. And scrub really hard, you know, like you're doing a pot.
Ray: Uh-huh.
Debra: Hey, do that pot.
Ray: I don't wash my hands enough. That's the problem.
Debra: Well, that might be the problem. Yeah, that's it. Just get the soap all over that. Hey, as long as long as you are home, why don't you take the kids to their play date?
Ray: Yeah, yeah, let me just finish this.
Debra: Okay, take your time.

Marie: Raymond, I saw your car. Why aren't you at work?
Ray: I had a doctor appointment.
Marie: You went to the doctor and didn't tell me? Why wasn't I told?
Debra: It's nothing, Marie. The doctor said he's fine.
Ray: He's running tests.
Marie: Tests? What's wrong? Tell me. I have a right to know.
Ray: Some guy sneezed on me.
Marie: What? What guy? Who? Who did this to you?
Ray: Some guy. Some guy at the airport.
Marie: Someone sneezed on you at the airport? You can have anything from anywhere.
Debra: Or you could have nothing.
Marie: Oh, look at this face. Look at the bloodshot eyes, and the yellow skin and the droopy cheeks.
Debra: That's his regular face.
Ray: No no, I have been feeling kind of droopy.

Marie: He's such a brave little soldier.
Debra: Soldier? No, he's a hypochondriac. Every time he nicks himself shaving, he wants to call a priest.
Marie: He's a sensitive boy.
Debra: Marie, he's not sick.
Marie: What are you saying, that Raymond is lying to me when he tells me he feels droopy?
Debra: You really think he's sick?
Marie: My son told me that he doesn't feel right, and I love him, and I'm going to take care of him.
Debra: And I don't love him?
Marie: I'm not saying anything.
Debra: All right, Marie. Thank you.
Marie: You know, I understand that you're a young woman of today, what with the women's lib and all that. And you probably think of me as a very old-fashioned, out-of-touch "housewife." And maybe I am, but if someone in my family needs me and wants me to take care of him, I'm there for him. And I'm happy to do it. And now I'm gonna boil my Raymond a chicken.

Marie: Debra, Raymond is sick.
Debra: Oh, that's right. Raymond's sick. Raymond is very sick, and do you know why? Because you made him sick. You're both sick.
Marie: I am giving Raymond what he needs.
Debra: You're giving Raymond what you need, a sick little boy to take care of. Well, I don't need another little boy! And every time you come over here, Raymond takes another step backwards, and I gotta wean him all over again! Well, I'm busy! And I don't appreciate the implication that I am not a good wife and mother and not nurturing. I'm a damn fine nurturer. Now get out of bed. And Marie, you take your soup and your flowers and your probably home-baked bread and get out of our bedroom! [answers phone] What? Uh-huh, uh-huh. Okay. [hangs up] That was Dr. Sundrum's office. Get back into bed. You got strep throat.

Debra: Hey, welcome home, Ray.
Ray: Some guy sneezed on me.
Debra: Oh. So did you miss me?
Ray: I'm in the men's room at the airport, right? I'm not bothering anybody. This guy, he's right in my face sneezing like he's trying to blow out the devil.
Debra: Ew, that's gross.
Ray: Two seconds I'm dripping in this material from a complete stranger.
Debra: Oh.
Ray: You hear about this all the time. You just, you never think it's gonna happen to you.

Debra: Are you sick? Is that what the doctor said?
Ray: He's running some tests.
Debra: What kind of tests?
Ray: The Q-tip in the throat thing.
Debra: Honey, they do that to everybody. Are you sick or not? What did the doctor say?
Ray: Doctors. Look, I know how I feel.
Debra: Okay, so the doctor said you're fine.
Ray: I'm not fine. I'm not. You know how you feel the day before you get the flu? Well, this is the day before that. That's what it is. I should have went to the doctor tomorrow.
Debra: Okay, you know what? Then go back again tomorrow.
Ray: No way. I probably caught something from just being in that room with those people. It's like a germ casserole in there.

Debra: That sounds really awful, honey. You know what? [turns lights off] Maybe I can help you forget.
Ray: Hey, what are you doing? [turns lights back on] I spent the whole flight... Half the flight, I'm in the bathroom just scrubbing my face. See all this skin? New. Something's gotta be wrong.
Debra: You know, I'm sure you're fine, Ray. He was probably just sneezing from all that disinfectant they use in those bathrooms.
Ray: Hey, if there was disinfectant in that bathroom, it was getting its ass kicked. Do you think am I gonna get something?
Debra: No.
Ray: Look at my eyes. Do they look watery to you?
Debra: No, they look fine. Beautiful brown.
Ray: What about the white part? Does it look red or yellow?

Debra: You know, honey, if you're so worried, why don't you go see Dr. Sundrum tomorrow?
Ray: So you do think I have something.
Debra: No, but if you don't believe me, then go see a doctor.
Ray: You're probably right. Yeah, I should go. Oh, man, I'm exhausted.
Debra: Ray, you know how you're always complaining that I'm never in the mood?
Ray: Yeah. [Debra kisses Ray] Mmm! Oh!
Debra: Now you're getting it.
Ray: Does my neck does it feel swollen, though? No, just one side feels a little uneven. I'm just gonna take some aspirin, you know? Or maybe some of that "ibuprofrenian."
Debra: I want credit for this! [to herself] Don't believe I shaved my legs.

Frank: Hey, how you doing? Your mother sent me. Said you were all alone over here.
Debra: He's not all alone. I'm taking care of him.
Frank: Oh, too bad, 'cause on the way over here, I was trying to think of what we could talk about. I actually came up with a little something.
Ray: Well, we could still talk.
Frank: Nah, I'll save it.
Ray: Ma tell you about the guy sneezing on me?
Frank: Yeah. Yeah, Shirley. I ever tell you about Korea? I shared a latrine with 100 men. You were lucky if you got sneezed on.

Robert: Hey, you know, Ma, I'm thinking that since I've been here, my throat's a little scratchy, too.
Marie: Oh, honey, give me your head. You sit down. I'll get you a bowl.
Gianni: [coughs]
Marie: What is it, Gianni? Maybe you'd better have some soup, too.
Gianni: Oh, okay.
Andy: I got hit in the face with the ball today.
Marie: Oh, I have plenty of soup.
Frank: I've had a pain in the ass for the past 45 years. You got any soup for that?