Frank Barone: Holy Crap!

Frank Barone: Holy Crap!

A selection of quotes featuring Frank Barone's exclamation of choice, "Holy crap!"

Quote from Ray in Counseling

Debra: That's why I want to go to counseling. I don't think it's that you're just lazy. I think there's a deeper reason behind this, and if we could just figure it out, you and I could be happier.
Ray: Come on, you know me. There's not much deepness. I just... I like to be taken care of.
Debra: You gotta understand, Ray, that that's not a wife. That's a mother.
Ray: Well, maybe that's what I want!
Frank: Holy crap!


Quote from Frank in Frank Goes Downstairs

Marie: So that's how you both fell? A race around the house, which you often do as a tradition?
Ray: Uh, yeah.
Frank: Stupid, humped-up termite trap!
[Frank falls through the stairs]
Marie: Oh, my God! Frank, are you all right?
Frank: [o.s.] Holy crap!
Marie: Don't move, I'm coming right down!
Frank: [o.s.] I'm in enough pain!

Quote from Robert in Robert's Rodeo

Robert: I'm telling you, the ground, it shook.
Frank: Why didn't you run?
Robert: I did run, Dad. I don't know if you've ever been in this situation before, but the first thing that comes to mind is run! So I'm running and running, and he's getting closer and closer, and then his horn gets me and my feet are off the ground, like I'm flying. Incredibly painful flying. Then he tosses me aside like a sock, and I'm on the pavement, and he gives me a couple of snorts and lumbers up the ramp and into his trailer.
Debra: Unbelievable! You were gored!
Frank: By a freakin' bull! Holy crap!

Quote from Debra in Wallpaper

Debra: Tell your father we're doing this the right way.
Frank: Hey, me not having to pay anything is the right way. Oh, holy crap! Look at this scratch!
Debra: Okay, see, here's the thing: When a person drives their car into someone's home, I think that person should be sympathetic and apologetic and try to help the person whose home has been demolished try to make it better!
Frank: Hey, I'm trying, but you won't listen.
Debra: I won't listen?!
Marie: I must say, Debra, that tone doesn't help the situation.
Debra: My tone?! My tone! You just drove a car into my house!

Quote from Frank in Raybert

Debra: Wait, how do you know Ray?
Natasha: We met at a bar.
Marie: What do you mean? Through Robert?
Natasha: No, no, no. I met Robert through Ray 'cause Ray and I are kind of "dating."
Marie: [gasps]
Frank: Holy crap!
Debra: Wait a minute. What?
Natasha: Is there a problem?
Debra: Um, no, there's no problem. I'm just surprised that my husband has time to date.
Natasha: What? You're his wife? Ray said you were dead!
Marie: [gasps]
Frank: Holy crap!

Quote from Frank in Marie's Sculpture

[As Frank stares at Marie's sculpture in the empty exhibit hall:]
Janitor: If you ask me, it looks like a... [whispers]
Frank: ... Holy crap!

Quote from Frank in The Gift

Frank: What the hell is this?
Robert: The remote boat.
Ray: A what?
Robert: A remote boat. Look. See? You put your remote controls right here. Then you can put your TV guide right here. That way you can take it to any chair. Maybe I'll go over here, I'll go over there. Right? And you have a special compartment for your soda.
Frank: Holy crap!

Quote from Frank in Hackidu

Robert: Well, wait a minute, Mom. How valuable is this Scramisaur card?
Marie: Oh, you can't find 'em in the stores. Believe me, I looked. But if you find one mint condition, no creases, that's $65.
Ray: $65?
Frank: Holy crap! This is the work of the North Koreans.

Quote from Frank in Golf

Frank: What the hell? Who's throwing chicken bones in here? Holy crap.
Ally: Oh, time-out for Grandpa.
Debra: Frank, do you have to curse?
Frank: Do you want it fixed? Bastard chicken bones. I need my frigging needle-nose. [to Ray] Bones in the garbage!

Quote from Frank in Pilot

Marie: You want to see something? A $120 receipt from Victoria's Secret.
Frank: Holy crap! What the hell's a bustier?

Quote from Frank in Look, Don't Touch

Ray: Dad, why are you here?
Frank: [chuckles] I came to see the new waitress.
Ray: Oh, God, Dad!
Ray: Hey, relax, I'm having lunch.
Angelina: Hi, will you be joining them?
Frank: Holy crap! Yes. Yes, I will, thank you.
Angelina: Okay. What can I get for you?
Frank: I'll have a meatball sandwich, dear.
Angelina: And to drink?
Frank: A non-alcoholic beer, s'il vous plait.

Quote from Frank in Robert Moves Back

Robert: We thought everyone was asleep. Debra invited me.
Marie: Debra?
Debra: Yes, I mean, I said he could stay here. Look, they are two consenting adults and that's what adults do.
Ray: The lucky adults.
Frank: [enters] Marie, why did you take the lasagna? Holy crap! Go ahead, I'll catch up.
Marie: Is this something you do? You come to Raymond's to... to have relations?
Frank: Okay, I'm caught up. [laughs]

Quote from Frank in The Letter

Robert: Amy, what is this doing here? Did Ma see this?
Frank: Holy crap! It's a whole bag of nighties.
Debra: No, Frank, that's- It's for a game.
Frank: I'm in!

Quote from Robert in Pet Cemetery

Marie: [screams]
Robert: What is it, Ma, what? Oh boy, there he is.
Ray: Where?
Robert: Right there.
Ray: What? All I see is fudge pops.
Robert: Look at the hairy one on the left.
Frank: What? Holy crap.

Quote from Ray in The Tenth Anniversary

Ray: What about his old tapes? I gotta get my original.
Robert: All gone, Raymond. Impounded and destroyed.
Ray: Okay then. Mom, can I live here?
Marie: Of course you can, dear. What did Debra do?
Ray: She was having a bad reaction to me accidentally taping over our wedding video.
Marie: Oh my God!
Frank: Holy crap!

Quote from Frank in In-Laws

Maitre'd: Bonsoir, welcome to Le Bernardus.
Frank: Holy crap!
Debra: We're with the Whalen party.
Maitre'd: Yes, your hosts have arrived already. I'll be glad to take you to your table.
Frank: Am I going to have to tip this guy?
Marie: No, we'll seat ourselves. Thank you. Come on, let's go.

Quote from Marie in Just a Formality

Marie: Why did you break up with Amy?
Robert: Ma, I didn't break up with Amy! I wanna ask her to marry me!
Debra: Marry you?
Marie: Really?
Robert: Yes! [Debra and Marie cheer]
Marie: I'm so happy!
Frank: Yeah, son. Holy crap!
Marie: Oh, you're gonna marry Amy.

Quote from Frank in The Model

Debra: I think that was great, Robert. Do another one.
Frank: No. Enough! I don't like this! I didn't raise no male models.
Marie: Oh, Frank.
Robert: That's all right. I expected just such a reaction. Guess it goes with the territory. That's why they pay us the big bucks.
Amy: They say he could potentially make 100,000 a year.
Frank: Holy crap! Shut up, paint your face, and start swingin' it downtown.